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Important Terms

..::All of these definitions are found on various sites across the internet::...

Soulbond: A being (usually from another dimension) who is mentally/spiritually connected to an individual in this world. A soulbond can usually communicate mentally with the soulbonder, and can sometimes “front,” or (with permission) take over the body of the soulbonder and experience this world from the eyes of the soulbonder. Soulbonds may also share energy, emotions and even memories with each other.

Soulbonder: An individual who has a strong, mental/spiritual connection with another soul (usually from another dimension).

Multiverse: The hypothesis that there are an infinite or finite number of universes, some with great differences from our own, others with lesser differences.

Tulpa: A tulpa is an autonomous entity existing within the brain of a “host”. They are distinct from the host in that they possess their own personality, opinions, and actions, which are independent of the host’s, and are conscious entities in that they possess awareness of themselves and the world. A fully-formed tulpa is, or highly resembles to an indistinguishable point, an actual other sentient, sapient being coinhabiting with the host consciousness.
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Who is ShadowTheFluffhog?

Shadow is AU (Alternate Universe) version of the canonical Shadow the Hedgehog from the Sonic the Hedgehog series. He's been with me for over 10 years now. There are some pictures I made of him floating around the internet as well as JackTheRadiaution (another soulbond of mine) if you ever decide to search up the name. I have a whole written up biography about him stored in various places as well.

Shadow came to me one day after I had fallen in love with the Shadow the Hedgehog game and the character himself back when I was 13 and became a fan of the Sonic series. He's helped me out of suicidal thoughts and self-harm while I was bullied back in high school. Unlike his canon counterpart, he is mostly quirky and humorous, but also extremely...cruel, evil, violent and a bunch of other things that I cannot say on this site. He's almost like a father-figure and a friend of mine. We consider ourselves to be engaged with one another as we initially plan on getting married when I die assuming based on my belief of non-traditional reincarnation that I will be able to come to his planet once I die.
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Soulbonds are like tulpas but are believed to already exist and living on other planets and not created through the mind as some people tend to assume.

Soulbonding is similar to Tulpamancy and many methods used in tulpamancy are also used in soulbonding. Soulbonders like myself typically believe in the concept of the multiverse, where there are infinite planets, universes thus the likelihood of the supernatural and things like fictional characters exist. Most communicate with their 'bonds. These communications typically are performed via telepathy. We bond with these entities and treat them like living breathing individuals. Everyone has different views and experience when it comes to soulbonds and soulbonding. But for me, my soulbonds are like friends and family. They are part of my everyday life. They help me cook, clean, watch movies with me, play games, chat like with any other person. The only difference is that they are not physically here and tend to not be a human. Sort of like having an online friend though they have some advantages including being able to talk to you telepathically, touch you through non-physical means as other such phenomena. This is how I can try to simplify it:

I am a person who believes that fictional characters exist. They live on other planets and I can talk to them through my mind. They are like aliens in a way. I can also see them sometimes and sometimes I can hear their voices as clear as day in my head. It's like a child's dream come true. Being able to communicate with my favorite characters from cartoons, anime and video games. They are real! Even more real than how they are portrayed on television. They have feelings, families, homes just like you and I.
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How Society Views This...

Soulbonding and Tulpamancy are not widely accepted in society. It usually leaves people calling those who practice it as delusional, schizophrenic and insane. Some even think it's damaging when someone goes that "extreme" of believing the existence of fictional characters. But most soulbonders benefit a lot of from having that close connection with an otherworldly being. There are communities just for soulbonders and tulpamancers (....although....my experience with those were horrible...)
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It's really too complex of a topic to explain in one sitting and I don't know if what I just said made any sense. I'd suggest doing some online research on soulbonding, soulbonds, soulbonders and even tulpas and tulpamancy if you're interested. Though most people who do have explanations of these things explain it in a way which is difficult enough for anyone to completely understand....

Ah. Y'know, I do try to be an open-minded person, being that some of my beliefs are a bit atypical and people routinely tell me that equals mental illness (such as being a nonbinary transsexual) so I can understand what it's like if your beliefs are not mainstream ... but as you comment in the "How Society Views This" section - how does this differ from mental illness? Many people with those types of conditions you describe experience things very similar to this - they see and hear people who are not there. To them, their delusions are as real as any flesh and blood person. It it just possible this is all made up? A kind of extreme escapism?
I can understand it being of benefit to the person themselves, as again, many people with mental illnesses are actually comforted by the presence of their hallucinations, but yes, most people would consider this to be damaging. Believing that you are engaged to an imaginary fictional character from another dimension you can only marry when you die may end up being detrimental to forming concrete relationships here, in this life, with other people and animals. Also, if it is related to an illness, trying to validate it as real with some of the theories one finds out there on the internet may actually impede any treatment that could resolve the condition.
The multiverse theory is certainly a feasible one, and many physicists would agree with you on the possibilities of this theory. But right now, it's just that. A theory. It cannot be proven so far. I doubt many people contemplating the theory in terms of physics would claim to be in telepathic communication and in a romantic relationship with a being from such a possible place.
I'm honestly not trying to burn you here or dismiss what you believe outright - I just don't believe it from what I know of the general theory (I have encountered slightly similar, but not quite, beliefs within Pagan spiritual systems) and wonder if there could actually be another explanation.

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Last edited by ZachGoodwin on 05 Dec 2017, 7:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Today...was just....horrible....after a terrible experience I had with my mother...I honestly need to seclude myself from friends and everyone else. So, I'll be going quiet for a couple of days. Recollect thoughts and try to calm down from what happened..

I normally would talk about what happened but I'm still too upset from how my mother treated me earlier to sit and write it out...

Having to accept that I'm emotionally immature is hard, but overtime I'll feel better about myself.

I really, really, really need to isolate right now. Enough that I can't handle the isolation anymore. And I'm going crazy because I can't right now at all.

I'm so tired.
I'm tired of feeling like every day is a battle and I once thought I knew why I was fighting.
But now I feel like its for no good reason.

I don't feel like a person anymore.
I feel like I'm floating and am barely attached to reality, only by a small string.
I'm terrified and I don't have the strength anymore to pull myself back.

I don't want to fall down again
It's not fair on people around me
I've been told nothing can be done to help me. I don't deserve care because there are others who need it so much more than I do.
My flat is a pig sty
I have no clean clothes
I cannot look after myself because I'm so focused on getting through the day that I become fixated and need to shut my brain down or I wont be able to function at all.
I've been in bed all day, feeling like there are several people in my head, none of them really taking over my body.
So terrified and only able to get through with behaviours that are not healthy.
Now I feel like I want to stay here all week, but have so much to do and all I'm thinking is - I can't do this.
I really dont see the point in anything and I just want to shut myself in my room and rest my brain and pretend I'm in another world where noone else exists.
Just me, where I can be myself and just feel bad for a while with no external pressures.
I'm not here right now and I don't want to come back unless I know I can get through the week without having a full relapse because I can't keep picking myself up. No one else should do it for me either.
I don't know what to do anymore and I'm so tired.

I wish everyone would stop acting as if eye contact is "norm" when it's not.
European ethnic density in this region is in decline. That is a statistical fact. This is not the colonial effing era!
Immigration from areas where eye contact is directly opposite to "norm" means culturally, this is more and more irrelevant.
And yet people continue to perpetuate these stupid myths. Not making eye contact is "shady" and so on. Acting as if EVERYTHING in life directly revolves around if you do or do not make eye contact, as if it's the ONLY thing that matters in ANY situation! Stop it, stupids!! !

I feel that too.

People just ****** **** me off! Jesus Christ I hate humanity and this stupid society filled with these bigots >:c I'm going to blow my top if I don't shut myself off into a dark room.

People need to quit making these public displays of affection all over the place!!

The last 24 hours have been exceptionally rough. Not that anything has changed, really. It's been incredibly difficult for quite some time now, but things are sort of building to a head at the moment. Last night I was right at the edge of exploding. Screaming. Tearing the room apart. Closer than I've been in a long, long time.
I am exhausted. And really feeling trapped.

What's up? Flatmates getting you down? Feeling trapped and over-exposed is the worst. I have experience with that too.
Right now I feel absolutely watched, persecuted and interfered with everywhere I go and everything I do.
I stop to look for a product on a shelf at a grocery store and someone tells me to move or comes close enough into my personal space to touch me. Whatever I do, I get stared at (and no it's not just in my head, I can SEE people looking at me) even though I am careful to look normal, stay clean, don't do anything weird in public. There is no reason to stare at me (or if there is I don't know what it is). I just took a dog for a walk and it knocked into someone's rubbish bin - and I fully expected the owners of the bin to come charging out and demand to know what I was doing, because this is how people treat me. I do ANYTHING and someone is immediately demanding to know what I'm doing, why, tell me to stop doing it, spy on and supervise me, etc. Whenever I do anything I get unwelcome comments and judgements and interferences.
Do I have to move to an uninhabited south pacific island or something to make people leave me alone???
I don't do this to them. Why is it ok to do it to me?
Yeah, I'm really not doing well after that last meltdown/shutdown/autistic f**kup.

enzo ferrari is just a never-ending collection of stupid quotes.

Long, long stories. And so many layers of drama and nightmares.
In a nutshell, I've been homeless for the last two years, and I feel like I'm never going to get out of it. I've been staying at a shelter for the last two months, but it's difficult. It's like constant drama. 24 hours a day. Just non stop bs. Which has really been wearing on me. Among everything else, I can't maintain a circadian rhythm. Not just unable to keep my normal routine of sleep, but any routine at all. It's just ridiculous. I could just go on and on.
It's really taking a toll on me.
I am nearing the end of it, maybe. But there's an unbelievable amount of waiting and hoping. If/when I get disability, the place that runs the shelter will help me get a place of my own and get me reduced rent. And all of that should happen, just a matter of time.
But, my god does it sucks right now!
It is beyond disheartening and embarrassing. And overwhelming all the time. (There are two TV's on right now! And I can't concentrate enough to string together a sensible paragraph. I feel like an idiot, being unable to read or write anywhere near my normal capacity.)
Witnessing my ability to function drop while being here is kind of intense.
I'm really on the edge of just bailing out and hoping for the best.
It's like every single positive aspect of my life is gone, an unobtainable. And like I'll never be able to do any of what I do again.
All I really want to do right now is isolate. A LOT. And I haven't been able to isolate for the last two years.

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Last edited by elbowgrease on 15 Dec 2017, 6:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.