Epic Battle

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Lady Woofwoof and I have become allies, Sylkat. She now lives on the GPF protectorate of Narwalgia. Don't even try to invade that world. Defenses are tight there. It's a center for alien refugees such as Lady Woofwoof. The GPF-run Galactic Government of Narwalgia (GAGON) is a place you wouldn't want to attack.

My first officer approaches me and says, "We need to destroy the Valley of the Gods. It's power is too much for we mere mortals to comprehend." I ask, "What should we do?" My number one replies, "Let's form a massive angry mob to keep everyone else at bay while we send in a large contingent of overzealous gun enthusiasts to lay waste to the Valley." I say, "Let's begin this crusade!" I convince millions of angry people via the internet to violently protest the epic battle. Also, I am able to hire most of the NRA, countless militias and numerous insurgents worldwide. The mobs overwhelm the world as well as the other players while the Valley of the Gods gets completely razed by the gun nuts.

Looks like you're too late to stop us, now, everyone in this battle especially Beppieiscool who unlocked the power of the Valley of the Gods first!

What about my convenient bushes, then?

Looks like you're too late to stop us, now, everyone in this battle especially Beppieiscool who unlocked the power of the Valley of the Gods first! I spearheaded the destruction of the Valley of the Gods. Who's going to have power, now?! Who??! !! !! !!

Oh, that will look nice on your CV, dearie.

It's not my fault, the bus was late.

I suggest that big demon thing coming this way might have power now. Maybe he'll give me a ride to another dimension.

Sure thing, Octobertiger. I have nothing against you leaving this universe.

Poor, nearsighted octobertiger really needs to wear those glasses!

That is not a big demon thing.

That is an Argentinosaurus.

She looks hungry, and it looks like she brought along her kids.

I shall just scamper off and hide under this conveniently-parked spaceship.


Sylkat

I have the police arrest Sedentarian for attempted murder of me. He gets put on trial and sent to juvenile hall for 10 years.

The G-Man opens up the portal to his universe, but I get stopped by Nymeria8 before I have the chance to enter the portal. She says, "If you want to leave this universe, then you'll have to go through me!! !!" I say, "I don't have time for this." I throw a knife at Nymeria8's left shoulder blade. She pulls out a lightsaber and I say, "Dang, Disney is so going to sue you!" I pull out a dragon's tooth sword from the video game Deus Ex to which she replies, "Eidos Interactive is going to sue you, man!" I take the first swing and the duel begins. Before the duel gets anywhere, Nymeria8 gets shot in the back of the head by Princess Leia. I smile at her, we hug and walk into the G-Man's universe hand in hand.

We are a dimension away, now, which means none of you can attack us. We can't return to the "real" universe unless the G-Man approves of it which I hope he doesn't because if he does, I'll kill his employers and take all their power for myself, so that I can control the G-Man himself. Other than that, I want peace and I'm done with this battle.

Too, too bad that the portal you went through was so pretty and shiny that it attracted the attention and curiosity of the Argentinosaurus' twins....they slipped through right after you.

Looks like your new life is in for some complications.


As for the rest of us, Big Mama wants her babies, and is throwing a major hissy fit.

Various animal rights groups are sending representatives to the location, but all that they are doing is arguing.

LadyWoofWoof, hiding amongst the bushes at the edge of the Black Lagoon, thinks that the Argentinosaurus throws the most splendid tantrum that she has ever seen, and wishes that she could be so intimidating.


Sylkat

Leia and I convince the G-Man that the argentinosaurus twins need to be returned to Earth, immediately. The G-Man opens up the portal to the "real" universe and the dinosaur babies get returned to Earth to be reunited with their mother. The animal rights' advocacy groups stop bickering and smile at the sight of the argentinosaurus family. The G-Man, finally, closes up the portal between his universe and the "real" universe, so that nobody will walk into the G-Man dimension unannounced. Leia and I embrace, again.

The Argentinosaurus family notices how plump and tasty-looking all of those animal rights activists look.

They behave accordingly.

The Gill Man, from the edge of his Lagoon, considers them rude for not inviting him to lunch.


Sylkat

Happy Halloween to all the cowardly WP Denizens who dare not enter this fray.


Sylkat

Miley Cyrus tried to 'Twerk' the Creature From The Black Lagoon.

He and the baby Argentinosaurus twins ate her for lunch.

A crazy man of unknown origin kills the G-Man's employers, takes control of the G-Man himself as well as the G-Man universe with a organization he cannot explain because he'll have to come after you.

Suddenly, an extremely large army of Slenderman clones appear on Earth and scare everybody. All the while, Apple Corporation decides to sell assault shotguns in the place of computers in order to assist every faction of this epic battle against the Slenderman menace.

The international WeightWatchers organization does NOT approve of their clients behaving in such an aggressive manner, and immediately terminates the memberships of all Slendermen.

They begin to gain weight at a startling rate, and in two weeks look like hundreds of bad-tempered Pillsbury Dough Boys.

The Argentinosaurus family finds them most appealing.

And tasty.

The United Nations sign a treaty allowing the argentinosaurus family to be protected by international law. Sylkat threatens to kill off Lady Woof Woof's species of cephalopod and NATO forces assemble to protect the female tentacle creature as well as the rest of her species. Sylkat hires Blackwater mercenaries armed to the teeth with Apple-brand assault shotguns to protect her from NATO. The UN establishes the world superpowers as protectorates as a part of their "No-Attack" treaty.

Nations Prohibited from Being Attacked (in accordance with the UN No-Attack Treaty):
United States,
Russia,
China,
Japan,
India,
United Kingdom,
Germany,
France


Wage your wars all you want to, but don't wage them in these countries because they're vital to all your political efforts. You need the countries above to help you survive, but not directly, of course. - UN Secretary-General

The U.N. Secretary General arrives at the shores of the Black Lagoon to personally explain this plan to the participants in The Epic Battle, but the Argentinosaurus twins are hungry again and the Creature From The Black Lagoon does not like being told who he is not allowed to wage war against.

I understand that the Secretary made a nice little snack.