Make an extremely dark joke.

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This guy walks into the funeral home and greets the grieving family with, "Good mourning."

Well, that may not be that good of one, let's try this:

I got a phone call from my doctor and he told me, "I have some good news and some bad news."
"Oh goodness," I answered, "tell me the good news first."
He says, "You have twenty four hours to live."
I said, "Oh no, if that's the good news, what's the bad?"
He answered, "I tried to call you yesterday."

I've discovered a great cure for social anxiety. It's called misanthropy.

Not really a joke, but a week after I broke my arm, I told the doctor that broken arms must drive people with severe obsessive-compulsive disorder crazy because they can't wash their hands properly.

He wasn't amused.

Indeed one does not receive a thing with one's own hands are closed.

But then again, I truly asked for nothing, and just tend to flog that thing against someone's face -- for not listening that I want nothing.

If one still do not listen right there and then...
I'll open my hands indeed; and clench these hands pressed by their neck, for not listening to my heed.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

He: You don't wear make up or dresses and your hair is short. Have you ever been mistaken for a man?

She: No. Have you?

There was a man who loved women so mush that he shagged them all.

One day he woke up as a woman.

"Welcome to the United States of America, land of the free!"
"Free food?"
"No."
"Free heating?"
"No."
"Free housing?"
"No."
"Free transportation?"
"No."
"Free health care?
" Heck no!"
"Free higher education?"
"No."
"Free speech?"
"Yes."
" I think Trump is a racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic dictator."
"ARREST THIS PERSON!!"

Donald Trump meets Jesus at the Pearly Gates.

Jesus says, "You don't belong here."

Trump is sent to Hell.

I get hit in the head by a baseball the second time in my life and I fall head over heels in love with England. Nobody recognizes me anymore.

How many blind people does it take to change a lightbulb?
(I bet someone has already thought of that.)

(Warning: May be offensive to people in large age gap relationships)

A judge oversees a court case about a man who created an invention that caused countless injuries to billions. The judge says "You stand accused of crimes against humanity. How do you plea?" The defendant replies "I'm sorry! I really thought Invisible Legos was a good idea!" The Judge then screams "DEATH BY LETHAL INJECTION!"

John ate his daily Dove Milk Chocolate. Yummy. He read the text on the inside foil cover.
You're only one decision away from making your dreams come true.
The next morning, John ate another chocolate. He read the text on the inside of the foil cover.
Get lost in the pages of your story.
That was nice.
The third morning, John ate another chocolate, and the foil read,
Don't forget to enjoy the little things.
The little things. Yes. John thought, I do enjoy the little things.
The fourth day, he had another chocolate. He read with interest the foil's text.
If you don't start today, you'll regret it tomorrow.
With that, John W Gacy decided it was time he followed his dream of being a clown. Where would the world be without Dove Chocolates.
Ah! Smell that? That's the smell of a lawsuit.

This is a text exchange I saw somewhere:

Girl: "I've just been upset lately because my mom recently died."
Guy: "That sounds awful. I'm here if you need anything."
Girl: "I have a boyfriend."
Guy: "And I have a mom."