Was this rude how she responded to my cousin?

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babybird
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22 May 2024, 11:49 am

Jamesy wrote:

Lots of women/society expect us to flatter you/give you compliments because you are the fairer sex :roll:

I'm self assured and there's absolutely nothing fair about me

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LittleBeach
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22 May 2024, 11:50 am

I would probably have said “I’m sure you’re very handsome too haha” to soften the blow.

I understand why some woman wouldn’t want to do that though, might be perceived as flirting.

MoeTrashPanda
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22 May 2024, 11:55 am

LittleBeach wrote:

I would probably have said “I’m sure you’re very handsome too haha” to soften the blow.

I understand why some woman wouldn’t want to do that though, might be perceived as flirting.

Me too, because I am a people-pleaser, and am afraid of angering unstable people. I applaud the lady for being brave enough to say no without any explanation! Go her!

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babybird
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22 May 2024, 11:58 am

Jamesy wrote:

My cousin who has autism told me today when he was at a social gathering in a pub garden this woman said to her boyfriend infront of all her friends "Isn't he handsome" My cousin (unfortunately for him) misheard her and thought the comment was about him and immediately said "You mean me?" and she responded "No not you".

Do you think in a way that was kind of rude/insolent how she responded to my cousin or not?

Not rude really.

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MoeTrashPanda
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22 May 2024, 12:00 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:

It’s creepy when strangers compliment me, especially since it’s not always too far removed from sexual harassment OR it reminds me of previous sexual harassment. Genuine compliments among friends are cool - as a giver or receiver and no matter the gender. My female friends have similar thoughts when it comes to this stuff.

Ugh, I'm sorry you have had to experience this. It's so uncomfortable to receive unwanted compliments about physical looks. I find it so hard to combat creepy compliments without reverting to people-pleasing tendencies. How do you usually combat these compliments from strangers? I usually just try to get out of the area as fast as possible.

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TwilightPrincess
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22 May 2024, 12:10 pm

I’m extremely timid offline. I usually say “thanks” when someone gives me an unwanted compliment and leave the area fast. If it’s a sexual comment, I will pretend that I didn’t hear it. That hasn’t happened in a long time. I often wear noise-canceling headphones and avoid eye contact too. When people catcall, I try to act like I don’t hear it. It sucks though, especially if I’m having a bad PTSD day. Sometimes I need to go on walks to get out of my head, and then to have to deal with sexual harassment isn’t cool.

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MoeTrashPanda
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22 May 2024, 12:12 pm

TwilightPrincess wrote:

That's exactly how I react too.

I'm glad this hasn't happened in a while to you! Bleghhhh--that must be so hard to be minding your own business to escape your head and then deal with that on top of it. Here's to hoping this doesn't happen to you ever again/not for a long time. I hope you are able to cope healthily if you do find yourself in a similar situation again. Stay safe out there!

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TwilightPrincess
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22 May 2024, 12:18 pm

^ Thanks!

In threads like this, some guys sometimes seem to think that they’d like to be on the receiving end of such attention, not really realizing how it can be triggering, feel unsafe, or just be plain unwanted much of the time.

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Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 22 May 2024, 1:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

babybird
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22 May 2024, 12:42 pm

Jamesy has never had any positive attention from women so he's not going to appreciate all of that

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TwilightPrincess
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22 May 2024, 12:50 pm

Hopefully, people can appreciate some of it through reading thoughts and experiences on here. I wouldn’t describe any of the things I described above as POSITIVE attention.

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babybird
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22 May 2024, 12:55 pm

Ok

I wasn't really referring to your experiences I was trying to see things from the op side

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babybird
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22 May 2024, 1:21 pm

Jamesy wrote:

MoeTrashPanda wrote:

https://www.bustle.com/life/9-things-women-dont-owe-you-70832

https://www.towerhamlets.gov.uk/lgnl/co ... ogyny.aspx

https://psyche.co/guides/how-to-handle- ... nd-move-on