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Jamesy
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30 May 2009, 4:40 pm

Last night I wen't out to the bar with my friends. To be honest I was kind of shunned to one side and left out of some of the conversations. To be honest I felt so hacked of really that I just wanted to give up with my group of friends and not bother with them again. I have fallen out with a few of them as well in the past. Also sometimes when I talk one my mates says to me "Shut up James". That can get a litttle repetitive.

Really I only go out once a week socially as well :(

Having aspergers syndrome can make socalisin and life in general VERY HARD on the friendship front and having to deal with a mother who has favourtisim as well. Some of my friends who are within the social group I don't really like but have to hang around with them because they are one of the gang.

Since I have AS I think I would find it very hard to make new friends in the future as well.

Whats your advice should I make new friends or not?



Last edited by Jamesy on 30 May 2009, 4:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

xalepax
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30 May 2009, 4:57 pm

If you should make new friends is something only you can decide yourself, if you are ready to make enough effort in it.
Because you have to work for it, to get results. Maybe you are not ready for it right now when you just had a rough experience.
But by the time, when you feel lonely and miss to have friends, then your motivation might be strong enough to make new attempts.
When this day come its only you who can tell...


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schleppenheimer
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30 May 2009, 6:28 pm

Maybe you've just grown "out" of your old friends -- people change, and you just may ready to develop some new friends. Retain the old ones for a while, just so you have people to do something with, even if they are annoying.

While you're being quiet, with the old friends, after your mate tells you to "Shut up James" -- observe these people scientifically. Listen to what they're talking about, watch how one friend enters into a conversation with another friend. Try to figure out what makes everybody laugh. You don't sound incredibly tied to these people, but you could learn from them, and then use that experience as you make new friends. Maybe that way, your new group of friends will be a more successful match for you.



CleverKitten
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30 May 2009, 8:02 pm

When this person tells you to "Shut up James," do you actually Shut Up, or do you ignore him and continue to converse?

I would think it's best to ignore him and keep talking, and maybe talk even louder, to make a point.


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DonkeyBuster
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30 May 2009, 8:09 pm

I've begun to notice a tendency in myself to stick with old friends more out of habit than because it's a good relationship... they're starting to get weirded out by me and cut me, like your old friends, and I just don't enjoy their company quite so much as I used to, but I don't move on...

I think part of it might be because I do like a known routine... even if it's people who are being rude to me.

Sort of like the loyal dog that stays with the owner that kicks it. Yuck. :P

Time to address that AS expression....



Jamesy
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30 May 2009, 8:23 pm

Yeah cleverkitten I just shut up lol :D



CleverKitten
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02 Jun 2009, 5:52 pm

Well, he is manipulating you and and he knows that he can control you by simple saying "Shut up!" Don't give him that control.
Ignore him, talk over him, make it clear that he is not the boss of you.
Don't pay attention to his hostile words. Just pretend that he never said anything at all.

Once he realizes he has lost his control over you, he will get mad at first, but then he will give up and won't tell you to shut up anymore. :D


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activebutodd
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03 Jun 2009, 4:19 am

One 'friend' who treated me really badly would tell me "shut up or I'll ignore you". It wasn't about anything I said, she just enjoyed bullying. So one day when she finally made me too miserable, I left that group of girls (some had started to follow her example) and ignored her permanently. It was a shock to her system I can tell you, and I was really scared, but I am now much happier without constantly being manipulated or put down.

Decide what you are willing to put up with, and whether it will make you too vulnerable to leave. Or you could just start hanging out with other people a little at a time on occasion, so the nastiness is diluted and you have a safety net if you get rejected by the old group or have outgrown them. :wink: