How to tell the difference between teasing/being serious

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NicksQuestions
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15 Jun 2009, 11:18 pm

Here are two questions that we may all learn from:

1. How do you go about telling the difference between when people are teasing in a friendly way vs. being serious? What type of non-verbal cues should you look for? (I'm starting to think the solution to many of my problems may just be figuring out the non-verbal) Before I was 20, I thought it was really mean/weird that friends would make fun of each other. Then I found out that they were really just playfully teasing each other.

2. What type of non-verbal do you look for to tell the difference between when someone is laughing at you because they think you're weird in a negative way, vs. if they really do think you're funny (even if in your own way)?



princesseli
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16 Jun 2009, 12:27 am

That one can be rather hard to tell. I'd say a lot of it comes from knowing the person and there mannerisms some tease more then others. Often if they seem like there not being serious by the tone of their voice. Teasing is more in a fun way rather then a condenscending way. I have some friends that tease a lot but most of it is not serious. It can make the social interaction more fun as long as its not hurting anyone.



Tory_canuck
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16 Jun 2009, 2:31 am

I have learned to cue in on humorous vs serious teasing because in school, I was teased by some in a serious manner, and when I was still living at home, my dad would joke around with my stepmom and sometimes me and same with my aunts.He is the playful joker type and so am I.That is how I learned to differentiate.I also have that same humor as my dad, so I know that it is mostly to do with the tone of voice and how much the person knows you and their relationship towards you which helps to point out their intentions.I have had teachers playfully tease, but I knew they were only playing because they are the type who like to joke and make the class fun and I was liked by them...they never put me down or harrassed me or humiliated me...They teased the NT's the same (playfully of course).


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16 Jun 2009, 3:43 am

Listen To The Voice It Was Said In, Or Facial Expressions.

If That Doesnt Work, Pretend To Get Angry. They May Just Say "I Was Joking, Dont Worry" But You Can Calm Instantly Because It Was False Anger. It Works, Trust.


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Maggiedoll
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16 Jun 2009, 10:15 am

NicksQuestions wrote:
2. What type of non-verbal do you look for to tell the difference between when someone is laughing at you because they think you're weird in a negative way, vs. if they really do think you're funny (even if in your own way)?


I think maybe sometimes it depends on your reaction. Like they make a joke about something, and how they actually feel about it depends on how you respond. If they think something is weird, and they poke fun of you for it, and then you laugh, or make fun of yourself, or generally respond in a way that they like, then it's good-weird, but if they don't like your response, it's bad-weird. Maybe I'm way off, but I think a lot of times the person accepting something like that determines how it goes.
Like if you correct someone on a fact, and they thank you for the information, you're likely to have a lot of respect for that person as someone who is knowledgeable and open to learning new things. But if they get all pissed that you explained something to them, THEN is when you figure that they're an ignorant a$$... not for making the mistake in the first place, but for getting pissed that someone pointed it out.



marshall
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16 Jun 2009, 5:20 pm

There's often a fuzzy line between normal banter and mean spirited teasing that bullies like to abuse. Therefore I don't base my reaction to teasing on the intent. If someone says something that actually offends me they can't get away with the "but I was just messing with you" line. It's irrelevant. I tell them to cut it out and if they refuse I'll come up with something really insulting and hurtful to use against them. If people refuse to respect me they can go f*ck themselves. They're not true friends.

I don't mind playful teasing but when it becomes a sign of disrespect through singling me out I won't tolerate it.



redRTCrazy
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17 Jun 2009, 10:49 am

"I was just messing with you" is something I HATE hearing what it really means is "I was just being cruel to you and thought you wouldn't notice!" Is the teasing serious or not serious? well, look at their face. If they are smiling a smirking smile and their eyes look slightly mad and extremely focused on you, and their body is in a position that says,"I am overconfident and better than you and am going to act calm while I try to really get a reaction from you" they are being a jerk and making fun of you. If they look like they are genuinely happy and what they said doesn't hurt you and is something where you go, "yeah I DID kind of do something I ALSO think is funny!" they are nice teasing. If they are not really smiling, one of two things. They are being outright mean either intentionally or unintentionally, or, they are being serious. If they are being mean(or if they are apathetic think it won't hurt you if they be rude) they will have a slightly mocking tone of voice(like "nah nah nah nah nah! but more subtle). If they are being serious, what they said will not have any mocking, and will be more even-toned like they're making normal conversation.