Am I un-lovable?

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Tea
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03 Jul 2009, 2:03 am

Or even un-likable? I try so hard that it hurts sometimes to be nice to my friends and potential love interests, and to try to make them continue to like me. Nobody ever notices how hard I try though, or that I struggle with even the most common things. They always, ALWAYS, end up pointing out things that I do wrong, or things that are weird about me, or things about me that bother them. And while I appreciate their honesty (I guess >_>;; ), I wish they would just realize that I'm doing my best every day and that their requests of me to change probably aren't gonna happen, not because I don't want to make them happy, but because I'm already doing everything I can to appeal to them, and I just don't have it in me to do more...

I've always wanted a nice body, so that I could make up for my annoying, clingy, quirky personality even just a little bit, but I can't eat most fruits and vegetables, and exercise is really painful. So of course, I have nothing going for me.

Am I doomed to be alone forever? Because if I am, there's no point in living any further, really. :\

Manders
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03 Jul 2009, 2:19 am

Tea wrote:

I've always wanted a nice body, so that I could make up for my annoying, clingy, quirky personality even just a little bit

^ I think this to myself constantly. If I make myself more physically attractive, then I won't have to try so hard...

I don't have much advice, as I feel the same way 99.99999999999999999999% of the time. But I do relate.

UnrelentingHorror
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03 Jul 2009, 3:51 am

Well no you are not.

Remember as an aspie social things are not what your best at, its the same for everyone.
Some random mathematician might be able to calculate circles around you but then have him try to paint an intrigueing picture, he will simply produce an uninspired doodle.
No one is good at everything or even every type of situation in a particular area(such as interpersonal situations).

As someone with our disorder most social situations happen to be what we are not the best at.
Which sucks because we all crave human relationships like any other homosapien.

But what we can do is identify what areas we are weak in and work on them, I'm not saying you'll be some super charismatic deva someday but you will improve which is enough.
Try an interpersonal communication class at college, that helped me, or some books on the subject.
Then you can identify what social settings your okay in and improve on the whole social awkwardness thing as a whole.

Luck has alot to do with it too. It takes alot of luck to meet really cool people, but given the number of people anyone interacts with even in passing the chances are you will meet good friends and maybe even some attractive individual whom you get along with well that will rock your world.

So work on your own stuff and keep meeting people, you'll find some keepers and more than you think too. :wink:

ToadOfSteel
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03 Jul 2009, 8:21 am

Tea wrote:

I think I kind of beat you to the punch on that one...

Quote:

Am I doomed to be alone forever? Because if I am, there's no point in living any further, really. :\

Yeah, sometimes I wonder that too... I don't have any intention of taking my own life, but at this point I just drift from day to day with little motivation... If I don't have someone to live for, there's no reason to do anything with my life...

LePetitPrince
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03 Jul 2009, 8:58 am

Live for yourselves people , damnit, live for yourselves before anyone else!

andriarose
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03 Jul 2009, 10:53 am

Manders wrote:

Tea wrote:

I've always wanted a nice body, so that I could make up for my annoying, clingy, quirky personality even just a little bit

^ I think this to myself constantly. If I make myself more physically attractive, then I won't have to try so hard...

It's really a catch-22 though... people can like your physical attributes alone and still consider you a freak.

It really hurts when a guy seems to be interested in me, and then I find out he hates everything but my body and proceeds to attempt to change everything about me ("...stop being weird, dress like all the other girls, hang out with normal people, grow your hair long, stop reading books, paint your nails, stop being smarter than me, find a female occupation..".). :roll:

OddFinn
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03 Jul 2009, 11:07 am

Tea wrote:

I've always wanted a nice body, so that I could make up for my annoying, clingy, quirky personality even just a little bit, but I can't eat most fruits and vegetables, and exercise is really painful. So of course, I have nothing going for me.

Please define nice.

It seems that many women have a distorted image of themselves. I'm sure that others see you different from your own image of yourself.

You probably are very lovable, but fail to see it yourself.

I hope this helps.

ToadOfSteel
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03 Jul 2009, 11:18 am

LePetitPrince wrote:

Live for yourselves people , damnit, live for yourselves before anyone else!

There's only two types of people I hate in this world: narcissists and hypocrites... by doing that, I become both at the same time...

Aspie_Chav
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03 Jul 2009, 11:27 am

andriarose wrote:

Manders wrote:

Tea wrote:

I've always wanted a nice body, so that I could make up for my annoying, clingy, quirky personality even just a little bit

^ I think this to myself constantly. If I make myself more physically attractive, then I won't have to try so hard...

It's really a catch-22 though... people can like your physical attributes alone and still consider you a freak.

If you are doing things your own way, I am sure you subconsious is saying to you "Its ok to be different, you have more to gain from being different then being the same" When you instincts tell you to be the same and you develope a tast for girly things your subconsious is telling you "Be the same or get left behind"

While I am typing this message, their is a geek girl working behind me call Amy, she wasn't as good as the one before; however, with any other woman she is in a class of her own.

DITZY72
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03 Jul 2009, 11:39 am

Everyone has something to offer... hang in there and keep your head up... people are shallow... someone will come along that appreciates you for you.

ToadOfSteel
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03 Jul 2009, 11:40 am

andriarose wrote:

To be honest, all of those things you listed as things that turn off men are all qualities I find attractive in women... the only exception being the hair one (although short hair on women can look incredibly attractive if done right)...

I like the feeling that a woman isn't just keeping me around as a wealth of readily-available knowledge (the only quality I have that can be seen as attractive to women)... If a woman wants to conform and only hang around normal people, she definitely wouldn't have anything to do with me... and finally having a "male" occupation (such as an engineering-related one) raises my hopes that someday there will be a woman that actually understands me...

LePetitPrince
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03 Jul 2009, 11:46 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:

LePetitPrince wrote:

Live for yourselves people , damnit, live for yourselves before anyone else!

There's only two types of people I hate in this world: narcissists and hypocrites... by doing that, I become both at the same time...

Being slightly narcissist is ok.

All what I am suggesting that you should care about yourself before anyone else, you don't have to live just for others. If you successfully convince yourself that then you're not being hypocrite.

And what about your little autistic bro, isn't he your responsibility?

ToadOfSteel
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03 Jul 2009, 12:02 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:

All what I am suggesting that you should care about yourself before anyone else, you don't have to live just for others. If you successfully convince yourself that then you're not being hypocrite.

I don't know if I can convince myself of that... Part of why I want to find a woman that thinks like I do is that I can dedicate my life to her, and she could do the same for me... That way, we could still, in essence, live for ourselves...

Quote:

And what about your little autistic bro, isn't he your responsibility?

Yes, and that's most of what has kept me going for the last 7 years of nobody that i can call "my lover"...

Last edited by ToadOfSteel on 03 Jul 2009, 3:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

outlier
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03 Jul 2009, 12:04 pm

Tea wrote:

I wish they would just realize that I'm doing my best every day and that their requests of me to change probably aren't gonna happen, not because I don't want to make them happy, but because I'm already doing everything I can to appeal to them, and I just don't have it in me to do more...

Maybe you could try telling some of them this. How they respond might give an indication as to whether they are, after all, worth such effort from you. They sound rather critical. It might help if you concentrate on yourself some more, building up confidence. In my experience, people do not appreciate those who go out of their way to appeal to them by doing their very best. If they accept someone for who they are, it isn't because the person put in massive amounts of effort, but because they already appreciate the person as they are.

Tea
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 2 Jul 2009
Age: 34
Gender: Female
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03 Jul 2009, 3:05 pm

outlier wrote:

Tea wrote:

Trust me. When I tell them I'm trying, they tell me to be myself. Then when I am myself, they quickly begin to hate me. Also, apparently with most of my friends I'm not allowed to have confidence. They all tell me to be more confident. And then when I am, they stomp all over me and tell me I'm wrong or worthless, etc.. It's happened many many MANY times before. It got old fast, and now I've come to expect it. And even though I expect it, I still try to prevent it (A lot of good that does, if it keeps happening -.-; ).

Tea
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 2 Jul 2009
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 26

03 Jul 2009, 3:45 pm

And honestly, I'd trade my skill in language and music in a heartbeat to be normal...

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