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DerKodeMeister
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24 Jul 2009, 6:05 am

When someone tries to small talk me I'll sometimes try to turn it around and make it a larger discussion. Especially if they say something like "So how are those Red Sox?" or something like that. Then I'll try and remember some big point of discussion from a recent game that can turn into a more factual or opinionated conversation (either one is better than small talk.)

Otherwise I just shrug or say a one word answer.


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Solei
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24 Jul 2009, 5:10 pm

It depends on who's talking to me. If it's someone I've known for awhile, I'll try to turn the topic into something bigger than small talk. (That is, if I'm in the mood for conversation.) If it's a complete stranger, I'll usually give short answers and then find an excuse to walk away, unless the conversation somehow gets interesting.

On the very, very rare occasion that I'm the one starting small talk, I try to tie the small talk to something happening recently. That's usually what I do for awkward silences too.

I've never had someone give me fun facts during awkward silences, but I'd like it! :D



Demon-Chorus
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26 Jul 2009, 2:42 pm

I don't follow a "script" or "gameplan", I wing it.


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Aoi
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26 Jul 2009, 9:14 pm

As little as possible.

Actually, a friend asked me about this yesterday. I explained that I require weeks or even months of exposure (i.e.: practice) with someone before I learn enough about that person to feel confident when speaking. So outside my small circle of friends, I'm thought of as very quiet.

I tried the "interesting tidbits" approach but discovered it has a spotty success rate for me. Sometimes I end up being fascinating, sometimes I end up sounding like a "know-it-all", and sometimes I end up with people asking me why I mentioned what I did.

I do know a lot of stuff because I read a lot, so in some conversations I can at least participate a bit based on my book knowledge. But I'm told that often comes off as sounding artificial or superficial.

Oh well. I've only been at this for 40 years or so, maybe in another 20 or 30 I'll be doing better.



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26 Jul 2009, 9:19 pm

My fields of interest are typically pretty far outside normal conversation range. Since those topics rarely, if ever, come up in any kind of social event outside of an event centered around that interest, I typically don't say anything.



Mikey7236
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28 Jul 2009, 12:19 am

mmmm i get this problem on the phone to my long distance gf..she knows i got a problem but i still find it very very uncomfortable and awkward lol..i already know her so well, so there's not much i can ask her about herself..i just finished a 20 minute convo with her then on her way back from school, and about every 20 seconds i ran out of things to say :( i talk to her on msn just fine though, we'll talk for 14 hours straight without a single pause (did that for valentines day ^^) but on the phone i just get so caught up and cant think lol..also, and i know i have great hearing, but i sometimes have problems catching what she said, and having to ask "what??" and idk if it's cause she talks fast or there's something wrong with my audio processing or what lol. Anybody got any tips for things i could talk about though? it's just for the past three years we've practically talked on msn every day for hours on end and you kinda start running out of interesting topics to talk about lol, and more just small talk about recent stuff..you know.


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04 Sep 2016, 3:23 pm

Brittany2907 wrote:
Ask them questions about themselves. Most people like talking about themselves so all you have to do is ask a few questions then sit back and listen to what they have to say. For example, ask them what they did on the weekend, or what they think of a new movie/cd/book that's just been released, or wear they got a specific item of clothing from (even if you don't really want to know).
This will help to prevent awkward silences that used to happen to me ALL the time, and still do but not as frequently (thank you social skills teacher!).

I hate when People do this. I just say I don't know to get it over with. I mean Why would I tell you what I do in my free time that is my business.


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Last edited by Pieplup on 04 Sep 2016, 4:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

DataB4
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04 Sep 2016, 3:51 pm

Pieplup wrote:
Brittany2907 wrote:
Ask them questions about themselves. Most people like talking about themselves so all you have to do is ask a few questions then sit back and listen to what they have to say. For example, ask them what they did on the weekend, or what they think of a new movie/cd/book that's just been released, or wear they got a specific item of clothing from (even if you don't really want to know).
This will help to prevent awkward silences that used to happen to me ALL the time, and still do but not as frequently (thank you social skills teacher!).

I hate when People do this. I just say I don't know to get it over with. I mean Why would I tell you what I do in my free time that is my business.


Yes, it's your business. It's also a way to start a conversation with someone or get to know someone better. I've found lots of common ground and learned new things by asking people about their weekends. Sometimes, it'll even give you an idea of how to ask someone to hang out with you. You don't have to share everything. If you're concerned, maybe respond with one thing you did that might spark questions, and ask what they did, if you want to talk to that person.



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04 Sep 2016, 4:22 pm

DataB4 wrote:
Pieplup wrote:
Brittany2907 wrote:
Ask them questions about themselves. Most people like talking about themselves so all you have to do is ask a few questions then sit back and listen to what they have to say. For example, ask them what they did on the weekend, or what they think of a new movie/cd/book that's just been released, or wear they got a specific item of clothing from (even if you don't really want to know).
This will help to prevent awkward silences that used to happen to me ALL the time, and still do but not as frequently (thank you social skills teacher!).

I hate when People do this. I just say I don't know to get it over with. I mean Why would I tell you what I do in my free time that is my business.


Yes, it's your business. It's also a way to start a conversation with someone or get to know someone better. I've found lots of common ground and learned new things by asking people about their weekends. Sometimes, it'll even give you an idea of how to ask someone to hang out with you. You don't have to share everything. If you're concerned, maybe respond with one thing you did that might spark questions, and ask what they did, if you want to talk to that person.
Why can't I just talk to my Imaginary friends about that stuff. I mean I do have a Imaginary friend for a reason. How am I supposed to talk to people when If I see people with pokemon stuff on at Say a Grocery store. I can't even talk to them. Why do I need more Friends. I realize that my Imaginary friends aren't real, but even if people want to be friends with me, I just end up driving them off, by monologuing. That's what happens to me on the internet. People either end up Blocking me, or just disconnect. I'm Perfectly fine being Asocial.


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04 Sep 2016, 4:39 pm

You'll Probably just end up sounding like the character Olive from the show A.N.T. farm, quite funny when characters from a disney show becomes a pretty good description for types of autistic people lol. Of course While Eidetic memories are impossible cause no matter how good your memory is there is always a small margin of possibility for error. Though anyway I prefer to refer to it as a Semi-Eiditic memory. Wikipedia link if you interested. I don't mean that In terms of in all the symptoms, I'm just saying, those are skills autistic individuals tend to be good at.


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ever changing evolving and growing
I am pieplup i have level 3 autism and a number of severe mental illnesses. I am rarely active on here anymore.
I run a discord for moderate-severely autistic people if anyone would like to join. You can also contact me on discord @Pieplup or by email at [email protected]


DataB4
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04 Sep 2016, 5:05 pm

Even if you enjoy being alone, social skills are really important when you need to do things in the world, like play a game with others or volunteer or get a job or do a group project. There are a lot of people who prefer to do business with those they like and trust, so social skills play a major role in that. Unfortunately, it takes practice to improve your conversations.

It's very good that you have your own hobbies/interests and like spending time alone though. That's also important.



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04 Sep 2016, 8:59 pm

I just don't say much & hope they quit talking to me. It's not because of anxiety but because I don't care & rather keep to myself.


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05 Sep 2016, 6:50 pm

I try to steer clear of small talk as a rule, but I do have some scripts I can fall back on if I have to talk to someone unexpectedly. Usually I ask questions so that the other person does most of the talking!

I think other people (NTs) feel awkward if you don't fill a silence with small talk, but I don't see anything wrong with silence if nobody has anything to say.

One colleague I work closely with, who knows me pretty well, seems to have adapted his small talk for me :lol: . He never picks anything too challenging and he doesn't take offence if I don't have much in the way of banter. I really appreciate it actually; some people can make it feel like I'm weird or not fun or whatever, but it just takes me a bit of time to get into conversation.

That said, I do very often only realise subtext in small talk after it has finished. I'm so caught up in trying to navigate the conversation that I miss the subtler cues, particularly if somebody was hitting on me :oops: Usually I'm pretty oblivious and have to be told lol!