ASAN Action Alert: Attwood and "Cassandra Syndrome"

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I agree with millie and sunshower.

I know nothing of FAAS, but when this whole petition issue began I visited the ASPIA website and was shocked by what I read there. I was shocked, not because it was hateful or inaccurate, but because it described very well my own marriage. My husband and I separated a couple of years ago. Since then our son has been diagnosed with Aspergers and I recognise many traits in myself. Yesterday my doctor agreed to refer me for assessment. I believe that my husband is almost certainly on the Spectrum.

It has always been in my nature to be compliant and to avoid confrontation. Although my husband is in many ways a kind and generous person, he can also be very rigid and inflexible, self-centred and prone to disproportionate rage. In many ways we are similar, but unfortunately not in ways which are complementary - quite the opposite, in fact. I felt bullied and abused, and it got to the stage that I was in physical pain because of the constant stress of "walking on eggshells".

What I read on the ASPIA site gave me the motivation to try again to communicate constructively with my husband about what happened in our marriage. Unfortunately, some of the information which was there before the petition was launched has been removed as a direct result of that. I was extremely disappointed as I was recently able to start emailing my husband about our situation and that information had the potential to be extremely helpful to us both.

I am very much aware that I am not an easy person to live with, and my husband's behaviours at times were very frightening to me.

I also have exchanged emails with Carol Grigg, and found her to be a very compassionate, sensible and well-informed person whose aim is to help couples communicate better and find ways in which their relationships can work for both partners.

If I had been as aware of autism 3 years ago as I am now, then there is a strong possibility that my husband and I would have been able to communicate better, to understand each other, and to have stayed together.

People like Carol Grigg and groups like ASPIA are to be commended, not condemned.

I should point out that I've been doing some work with ASPIA over the last few weeks following on from the apology - I believe she is sincere about wanting to work with AS people, and I'm looking forward to some positive collaborations in the future. The following statement is entirely directed at FAAAS & the CADD concept (which ASPIA no longer supports on their website).

I do believe that there are many communication issues in AS/NT relationships, and that these issues can cause anxiety or depression. I also agree that these issues need to be discussed. However, CADD is not an accurate or helpful interpretation of these issues, and to believe in the concept makes mutual understanding almost impossible.

The basis of CADD is that:

1) Only the NT partner experiences significant negative emotions from the behavioral differences inherent in an AS/NT relationship.
2) These issues are based around a "lack of expressed affection", rather than mutual communication problems.
3) The burden of fixing the issues lies entirely with the AS partner changing their behavior, not with mutual understanding.

As such, CADD is a vehicle of intolerance towards AS behaviors, not a vehicle of relationship repair.

For a "mixed neurotype" relationship to be successful, both partners need to respect, understand, and eventually accept each other - and this means being able to talk about issues of anxiety and depression without assigning blame. CADD makes this process impossible.

It's also important to remember that the push towards recognition of CADD is bound up in the push towards discrimination in divorce and custody hearings - one is being used as justification for the other...

I'm dropping in without reading this thread to the end:
rhetoric qn - where the hell do peple like FASS pop up from and why they waste their time on this stuff other then gaining attention and money from deluded parents and partners which doesn't make a lot of sense really.
and regarding discrimination in court in general... well welcome to wrong planet earth most people still believe they think with their heart by supernatural means in here.

Cassandra Affective Deprivation Disorder??? People will put a name to anything these days won't they? People who waste time and money like this should either be sued or put in a field and shot with a ball of something unpleasant, such as rotten eggs.