"I'm Not Ignoring You, I Have Autism"

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It's people like you that tell them that it's a bad thing.
If you insist on being negative, have at it, but it has NOTHING to do with autism.
If you insist on putting down those with autism, please find somewhere else to promote it.

I'll agree that it's both highly damaging to autistics in general and degrading for yourself. However, I don't really see a benefit in going on a wild attack mode over it.

I will say that modification in their behaviour is more likely due to them thinking far more negatively of you than they do otherwise, and covering it up by making nice on external appearances. This is a common social mechanism of many neurotypicals and is hostile/passive-aggressive in nature. That is not their intent, but is the implied nature of such actions when viewed in the context of both motive and the thoughts behind such behaviour.

I'll also go so far as to share that when I go in and withdraw money from my bank account, I'm asked for identification far more than should be considered common. Very much discriminatory in nature, as I hand them the transaction slip and intending fully to just wait for them to get my money and instead of staring that them like a weirdo I'll look around at the various things they have scattered about. Pamphlets, sometimes the TV the bank has behind the tellers. I see no point in the chit-chat that's expected, or in inane eye-contact beyond direct verbal address (Which I see as inane as well, but that's a whole other topic) with them. That's not why I go there. This in turn flags as suspicious behaviour to them since it is not 'normal' and they try to give me a hard time getting money out of my own account. I personally see it as very rude, but somewhat understand why they do it. They no doubt feel like asses when it checks out, too.

If you really want to discourage them following you around like a crook, try nabbing the first one to start following you and making them basically guide you through the store to the various products you have in mind, and ask every question you can think of about them just to be a pest. When they realize that they're being paid by the hour, and following you means you'll actually force them to do work then they'll probably start leaving you alone pretty damn quick.

As far as the register goes, I tend to pay in cash when I buy things and usually figure out the ballpark of what I'm going to pay by the time I'm at the register. Despite having the money in their hand faster than they can ring it up (I do wait until they're done ringing it up, honest.) I tend to get a lot of impatience at the absurdity of me standing there to put my change and receipt away. I guess it's normal to walk out of the store with cash in your hand so everyone can see? Never mind that they're never impatient when it takes someone 10 minutes to write a check and balance their checkbook.

All said, they're probably not worth getting all that worked up about.

He's not putting down those with autism, he's simply telling the truth about what the majority of the "normal" population thinks about autistic people. It doesn't say anything about his personal opinion of autistic people.

A person who identifies themselves as autistic WHILE doing something that others see as positive (being a doctor, a business person, or a popular musical artist) is more likely to change someone's opinion of autism than a person wearing a badge while shopping at the grocery store. That particular act is seen as neutral, so people will still carry over their biased opinions of autism when viewing that person.

The people who have said that the approach is degrading have noticed that the people's behaviour towards the OP was much more patronizing than truly understanding. The "oh, isn't he precious" kind of approach that many people get when confronted with a noticeably disabled person. I don't know about you, but most people (autistic or not) don't like being patronized. That's what Alraune144 was getting at.

I don't have to wear a badge, I was born with one.
Even though according to recent opinion,
I didn't deserve a badge of existence.
That's what I am getting at.

I take your point. That's exactly why I was hiding my AS for years.

As for the gold star, if it came to that, I would fight it tooth and nail. But I wear the button on my baseball cap by my own personal, individual free will.

Well, so long as you bear all of this stuff in mind and are comfortable with the fact that a lot of the sudden niceness will be feigned by most.

I don't think we all have to believe the same thing, but I do think people aren't understanding what I'm doing with the button on my cap.

I'm not apologizing or asking for special status. I am saying this: I AM NOT IGNORING YOU

That's the big deal part of the message. I think (still experimenting with reality) that if people think they're being ignored, they're offended right away. Or they get exasperated because they think I'm ignoring line-up rules at the cash. Or I seem spacey (ignoring everything, perseverating) which triggers the spotters etc.

So I AM NOT IGNORING YOU addresses those misconceptions. Anticipating the logical question, the button adds I HAVE AUTISM. So far, it seems to me that people are relieved to have a logical reason for somebody behaving oddly.

I'm not special, but I have every right to go to grocery store and behave the way I normally do. I'm fed up with trying and failing to act Normal.

I ignore you because I want to; you might be surprised by this, but I owe you nothing.

I only go aloof when I'm in my "Hulk Smash" or "Deer Run Away Now" stages. I often ignore people because it's just not worth the effort of talking to them; I could, but I have a limited pool of energy, and I'd rather spend it on things that I like.

^This.

Hi, my name is Richard; I often refer myself as Sarah's Dad. I believe I am the person who made the button in question...and as a father I would just like to say a few words.

First seeing the dialog in this post, gives a person like me hope, you see I am the father of a 16 year old mostly non verbal nonverbal teen. I would love to see Sarah someday debate such a topic in her own behalf. But I don't see this happening anytime soon.

My website has over 500 buttons and probably 30 different styles of bumper stickers and car magnets...but they are not for everyone and if a button works in one situation it may not work in another. Don't wear a "rehab is for quitters" button to an AA meeting

I feel that using a visual aid to spark positive conversation is a good thing. I would never try to make my child a billboard for a cause, so for the most part I do the talking for her (or did) at 16 she is now more independent and I try to give her as much space as I can.

My perception of the world...I think that we expect bad service, rude people and crappy products. If a person goes out and gets good service or meets a friendly stranger they are surprised.

Maybe a button can give a person a second chance or lets the stranger let down their guard...I don't think it matters as long as it helps you get past one situation to the next.

I wear a buttons that says....
I love someone with autism
I hate Mondays
Fat people are harder to kidnap
I blame my parents
...and many more...

So this is my first post...sorry its so long...be genital in your response.

Thanks

Hi Richard, yes I did buy the "I'm not ignoring you, I have autism" button from your website. I didn't realize your daughter is 16yo, for some reason I thought she was a small child.

I hope you'll post in the Parents Forum too.

I would make this offer others if you have a suggestion for something that you feel would be displayed on a button…email me and I’ll post them on my website. (As long as it’s appropriate)

(long winded father response)
A lot of my first buttons have photos of Sarah when she was younger 18 months…a lifetime ago.

People in this world get things because of whom they are, what they have done or what they have…a military discount, senior rate, children under 12, minorities…the list goes on and on (and I’m trying to stay politically correct) and in some cases the people in the world really stink (try to use clean language) why not take advantage of something to better our lives rather then fight the label? (And this thinking is not for everyone)

Sarah would not be where she is today without the autism label, it was the only way to get services.

A button helped me get through the early years…
As a father I would have not made it out of the mall without an autism button proudly displayed…as my child melted in front of the world…as all they saw was a big man trying to control a small child.

A man taking a young teen into the men’s room because she could not go alone…

I don’t think a button that raises autism awareness is degrading or disrespectful, I think that people might get treated better because no one understands what it (autism) means…cure it, fix it leave it alone…what’s the right answer?

Sarah was diagnosed at 18 months, she is now 16 and I don’t think I understand it more now then I did then.

With this said…I feel the more awareness that is raised the better quality of life for many f you and for my child will have and I feel the buttons helps…

You ask for suggestions for buttons etc. Here's a situation that comes up a lot. I get hassled while walking my dog. To the point that I dread it, sometimes I want to die when I get back, and sometimes I throw chairs.

Case in point: two large men following me and dog, making laughing snorting noises, and when I glance back, one of them sticks his hand down the front of his pants and yells something about not being used to ... (whatever). When I look away, he stops. Then start the routine again. This happens 3 times. Then I cross the street with dog (really shaken) and the guy yells Sorry to spoil your sidewalk!

To make the story short, I happened to see them enter the Mall Warehouse through the truck entrance. Ergo, they work for the mall. Ergo, I must have looked weird again.

So ... *maybe* ... not that I'm going to let them close enough to read my button - but what if I had something bigger? And what could it say? I don't want to go the confrontational route.

Any ideas?

Don't take their sh*t...next time get in their face about it...most people are all bark...the moment you jumped they knew they could do it again...there not going to fight you in public...

You'd love me. I am patient. When I ask for someone's attention, I try to ensure they have my attention before I ask what I want of them. Large places does mean there will be a chance that someone is probably talking to someone else.

Do we have to wear labels? People could very well stereo-type and treat you like a ret*d or try to help in a way that's almost offensive to presume you know nothing