looking for males in relationship with an aspie female!

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I'm one of the few (but growing number of) men in a relationship with an aspi woman. In fact, it is two Aspi women, but for now let me exclude my daughter. And the grown-up is a colleague, however, I spend most of my working life with her. It is a joy, ... but ... well that's for later. I feel very odd, given that I'm a borderline NT-Aspi, I mean, learning to know her for me is totally new.

Who else knows more about women aspi's (men only)? I think I could learn the most from men who have long term relationships with aspi women.

The line between AS and NT is pretty hard to draw, in my experience, the NT types have been better relationship material just because of compatability differences. But I'd say one thing I find attractive about any AS is that she gives off a persona of not being able to fend for herself, the problem with this is that I underestimate the AS and she turns out to be much better off than I took her for. I think your social skills help as far as success goes and that the woman you're with helps you stay true to your AS side.

sorry, trouble understanding. helpless is more attractive? not being judgemental, just curious.

When I say helpless, I mean that somebody seems to be lacking something I can provide. The scenario has changed alot, but I can give you some examples to help illustrate what I'm talking about.

When I was 17, there was this girl who didn't talk much in public, she was attractive, but didn't seem very confident. I was feeling pretty confident when I asked her out. I just figured that she didn't think she was good enough. She was the first girl I ever asked out. I was dead wrong in my assumption and I got my heart broken twice by her (one reason I go NT now).

When I was in basic training, there was this girl who was very quiet, she had a humble persona about her. My guy friend jumped into the same line of reasoning I had, he talked about how she looked vulnerable and that he just wanted to save her (not verbatim but close enough).

I countered with an off color comment, the entire bay started ripping into me for being a perv. I didn't get mad, they didn't know that I was just trying to keep his line of reasoning out of my subconcious and maybe out of his. I didn't even know how to explain something like that back then. I still think it's pretty weird that a group of guys (of all people) would chastize someone for being a perv (with no women present).

I have to admit though, the helpless thing just sounds weird, if it isn't just a random fetish, it's a topic men like to avoid. Now shameless men on the other hand...

thanks. i appreciate your willingness to be open about it. i can certainly identify with this aspect from my side.
its a lose-lose situation from over here. I either accept what he can offer and feel better, thereby losing my attractiveness/neediness, or i stay in a constant state of vunerability/neediness.

I know this post is sorta off base and doesn't really go with the flow of the topic of the thread, but I am posting it anyway because it is too long to erase now...

Odd reasoning...I have also known men who have wanted to date very "capable" women who were able to take care of them...That seems to be a more reasonable route to me...


Surely the perception of "helplessness" is not the only thing that attracts "NT" men...or men in general... to "AS women

I am in many ways sorta "helpless"... I don't drive...I am really bad at talking to people...there is a lot of stuff I have a hard time handling..I am extremely disorganized...I am a bad cook...a miserably bad housekeeper....I have a hard time getting and keepting jobs...when I have to..I am essentially a teenager..and sometimes a child in the body of a 33-year-old female human creature (have a hard time associating with the word woman)
My main partner (not exactly NT, but not exactly AS) walked away from a relationship with a strong intelligent capable woman (they fought a lot)...to go chasing after me....
because he thought I was Quirky...
Then when he realised how incapable I was of keeping up with everything...and also I was going through emotional trauma from all the change and drama....he tried to go and get her back..

I think my (more NT-ish) Dad must have married my mom for her quirky-and-unsusal-ness as well...I think...

Well, it is a woman's discussion forum, and we are a couple of guys going back and forth on it, at this point, anything's insightful. You know, my brother-in-law told me that I didn't have to quit smoking because I'd project myself as a fixer-upper. I think a quirk is something that can either be enjoyed, or changed (don't you love it when people expect you to just change on your own?). I think the guy wanted a break from a stressful/controlled situation, you probably weren't very judgmental and made it easy for him to be himself, it's pretty much his fault for always trying to have what he wanted. I'm really hoping I don't do something like that, as it is, I'm 25 and still not married (4 years behind my peers), the only one telling me to hurry up is them lol.

My NT husband doesn't post here, but let me tell you what he tells me he loves about me.

* My honesty. I am excruciatingly honest, never lie, never make things look better than they are, but also never dramatize them to be worse than they are.

* My sense of humor. Although I think here, he also means my ability to get suckered in by his jokes.

* My intelligence. We're both computer folks, and I can follow a math / science / techy conversation better than many guys.

* How sweet I am with our kids, especially when they're babies.

These are the things he's told me. He also says he thinks I'm pretty, but after 14 years together in a really good marriage, he'd probably think I was pretty now even if he didn't before.

My husband is not particularly into the strong-and-sexy type of woman (does not like Angelina Jolie--can you imagine?), but rather the sweet-and-cute type. I've prided myself on being a Competent Person most of my life, but I definitely need taking care of in many areas (have only recently been able to see this, but who knows what vibe I've given off all my life?), so maybe he, too, was attracted by my need for someone to take care of me.

I appreciate these characteristics as well, absolutely! As well as the complex personality, intensity of relationships, mirroring, stubbornness, independence of mind, etc. In short, ASPI's are more fun!

Lol, most guys are still looking for an AS woman, if you go to any other forum you'll get hit up for advice. I like this one more because it's easier to agree with the topics here.