butting in-conversations and social situations

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Tory_canuck
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20 Jul 2009, 10:17 pm

I seem to have always had an issue with not knowing when to join a conversation or to cue in on whether or not it is my turn to speak.It seems, when I think someone is done with their commentary, I then try to say my piece, then I get the "you are interrupting" lecture.This was mainly the case in elementary school and high school. I still have that issue today, although not as bad, but it is still there.

On the phone I have that too, I think the person is finished, but then I end up cutting them off and interrupting unknowingly.

I also have issues saying things when I shouldnt as well and regretting it later.Also when having a conversation, I tend to run out of things to say, and that usually results in changing the subject so much or repeating myself or both.

Does anyone else have this?


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Tory_canuck
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20 Jul 2009, 11:30 pm

It gets pretty embarrassing when a teacher in junior high lectures me about interrupting like I was in grade 1


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phil777
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20 Jul 2009, 11:40 pm

I get that a lot, and i'm more often rudely told to shut up. -.- Phone is worse, because you can't even see the other person's face, so you could be trying to say, and you'll talk over what the other person was saying. =/ Heh, when i run out of things to say, i merely stay silent =.= As my english teacher once told me : " Silence is gold so shut up and get rich".



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21 Jul 2009, 12:00 am

I struggle with that still, and I am middle age. It's worse, when I am on the phone, because I can't see that the person is about to speak. My friend and I always interrupt and talk over each other. At first, it drove me crazy, but now we both try hard not to interrupt. The same thing happens with my daughter, and we are both Aspies. :?


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AGMorehouse
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21 Jul 2009, 12:08 am

I use to have that issue when I was much younger, but I still have trouble learning when to transition to another topic or when to stop and listen to people- I lose track of a conversation sometimes, but I only got involved when someone was talking about something I was familiar with. Nowadays, I usually just don't say anything and just listen.


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Tory_canuck
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21 Jul 2009, 1:38 am

The topic transition part is a big issue for me.


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21 Jul 2009, 1:39 am

YES. I used to not know what to do, so i'd end up almost never entering a conversation since i didn't know what was expected or what i was supposed to say. These days i still don't know what to do, i just try anyway sometimes if i feel like talking, though.... I've found that doing *something* in an unusual way is better than doing nothing.. So i butt into conversations quite a bit. I have no clue whether or not i'm welcome, if not then they can walk away.. But if there's something i'd like to say something about, i just say it... Especially if it relates to a special interest of mine.



pensieve
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21 Jul 2009, 1:44 am

Butting in is the only way I can contribute to a conversation. I say go for it!


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21 Jul 2009, 4:16 am

But sometimes, butting in could be annoying and distracting for some. In my case, I used to work as a Web designer for a game-servicing company, then whenever any of my colleagues discuss among themselves, I had the instinct to stop and revolve my chair and look on them. I was even called on it by one of them, and asked me to limit that urge.



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21 Jul 2009, 4:54 am

pensieve wrote:
Butting in is the only way I can contribute to a conversation. I say go for it!


Exactly! Besides, how are you supposed to tell the difference between a situation where contributing would be "butting in" and a situation where it's "okay" to contribute? If i see some of my coworkers standing around having a conversation, i just go up and say "what's everyone talking about?" It's pretty much the only way to get any information from people sometimes.. Because people always assume you know things when they haven't even come up and told you.



zeichner
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21 Jul 2009, 2:31 pm

pensieve wrote:
Butting in is the only way I can contribute to a conversation. I say go for it!

I agree. Other people break in all the time & their input gets heard. When I try to be "polite" and wait until absolutely no one else is speaking, my input is out of place & disregarded - because by that time, the topic has changed.

I think a lot of times, people use the "don't interrupt" line to exert their dominance. It has nothing to do with politeness. If you interrupt, you are challenging them.

I used to get this all the time from my parents, when I tried to break in to a "grown up" conversation. Since they and their friends seemed to be constantly interrupting each other, I got the message that it wasn't interruptions that bothered them - just MY interruptions. So I learned to keep my mouth shut & carry on my own conversation in my head.

Now, I choose my battles. If I feel strongly enough, I throw caution to the wind & just break in where I need to. Other times, I let the other person run down & then decide whether my contribution will still be relevant. (I have to admit that most times I choose the latter option - I'm the quiet one sitting in the corner by himself & "not participating.")


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Vanilla_Slice
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21 Jul 2009, 2:34 pm

This has been a problem for years. I also have difficulty judging when a conversation is private and when they are happy for other people to join in.

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21 Jul 2009, 2:56 pm

In my experience, interruptions are only tolerated insofar as the interrupting party is already well-liked. If a good friend interrupts a conversation, it's fine, but if the weird loner down the hall (:-) ) interrupts, it's not welcome. LOL

In my case, my co-workers know me as a goofball, so if I'm really disturbing people by breaking into a conversation, they don't feel offended enough to get really mad at me. They just tell me in a cheerful, friendly way to mind my own business :-) It's somewhat patronizing, but it's better in my opinion than really bothering them.

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21 Jul 2009, 3:09 pm

yep same here. if i wait i usually end up waiting to long and by that time what i was going to say was out of place or i hold onto that thought and don't really listen to what the other person has to say till i can say what i was going to say (more one on one)
with most of the people i talk to on a regular basis i think what i do is either kinda tailored to them or they accept my interuptions. my friends are great for me. dunno where i would be without them.



21 Jul 2009, 3:20 pm

I had this problem in high school and kids didn't like me being social with them and joining in on their conversations and I thought "No wonder aspies have poor social skills, no one will let us." I guess the cure to AS is accept us who we are and don't treat us like s**t and get mad at us and our condition is gone :lol:

I but in on my family talking but they don't give me crap about it and lot of the times when I try to talk in groups, people shut me out. Is that a normal way of having a social conversation? Ignoring each other?

I mostly stay out of them. Sometimes I butt in without thinking.



Tory_canuck
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21 Jul 2009, 3:50 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
I had this problem in high school and kids didn't like me being social with them and joining in on their conversations and I thought "No wonder aspies have poor social skills, no one will let us." I guess the cure to AS is accept us who we are and don't treat us like sh** and get mad at us and our condition is gone :lol:

I but in on my family talking but they don't give me crap about it and lot of the times when I try to talk in groups, people shut me out. Is that a normal way of having a social conversation? Ignoring each other?

I mostly stay out of them. Sometimes I butt in without thinking.



I agree.It's like it's only called butting in if the person trying to contribute is an aspie....or there is something I am missing out on but can;t grasp :?


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Honour over deciet, merit over luck, courage over popularity, duty over entitlement...dont let the cliques fool you for they have no honour...only superficial deceit.

ALBERTAN...and DAMN PROUD OF IT!!