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ponies
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03 Aug 2009, 3:06 am

Every time I am asked the truth about something, I find it impossible to tell a "white lie" because it does feel like I am not telling the truth so I find it very uncomfortable not to be completely transparent.

Or, if I accidentally do something wrong at work, that has no negative consequences, and has already been corrected, I feel this great need to "confess" what I did just to be honest.

Now, this has nothing to do with religion, or sins...or anything like that. It's just that I feel a need to be completely transparent and good all the time. It's so frustrating though. It's as though I want to deliberately get myself into trouble with someone by confessing unnecessary mistakes just so that they'll either never be mad at me later, or so that there's no surprises if it comes up later.

Anyone else do this?



03 Aug 2009, 3:14 am

I hate lying. It makes me feel dishonest and a coward.



Bullwinkle
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03 Aug 2009, 3:19 am

ponies wrote:
Every time I am asked the truth about something, I find it impossible to tell a "white lie" because it does feel like I am not telling the truth so I find it very uncomfortable not to be completely transparent.

Or, if I accidentally do something wrong at work, that has no negative consequences, and has already been corrected, I feel this great need to "confess" what I did just to be honest.

Now, this has nothing to do with religion, or sins...or anything like that. It's just that I feel a need to be completely transparent and good all the time. It's so frustrating though. It's as though I want to deliberately get myself into trouble with someone by confessing unnecessary mistakes just so that they'll either never be mad at me later, or so that there's no surprises if it comes up later.

Anyone else do this?


Very Normal ;)

I wouldn't worry about it beyond the fact that it can get you into trouble and you need to monitor yourself so as not to cause distress to yourself or others (like losing your job, hurting someones feelings without need, etc)



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03 Aug 2009, 5:53 am

Spokane_Girl wrote:
I hate lying. It makes me feel dishonest and a coward.


i feel almost exactly the same.. i can "avoid" talking about things where i know i'll cause hurt but then i feel more of a coward.. but is better to be honest "in the long-run" so my 2p worth is, tell the truth, the whole truth & nothing but the truth..



ChangelingGirl
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03 Aug 2009, 6:39 am

I sometimes have the wanting to confess an accidentla mistake even if it doesn't have consequences, but I don't have the need to tell the truth 100% of the time. I do in fact tell "white lies" sometimes, but rarely, because it makes me more ashamed than just confessing the truth.



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03 Aug 2009, 6:58 am

I have the same problem, but I attribute it to a controlling mother more than to AS. Though AS is connected to it too.


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AnnaLemma
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03 Aug 2009, 8:13 am

In life as a student and at work, I constantly replayed the scenario where the teacher/my supervisor would ask me "how are you coming with [a new topic/a project]?" Now usually everything was going ok, but there were a few details I was working through. The smart thing would have been to say "Fine", and that would be the end of it. But nooooo, I had to mention that I was working on conquering specific issues (because it was true!). Instead of asking me if I wanted help (to which I would have answered "thanks, not yet, I want to work this out for myself"), they would jump in immediately and try to solve my issues. So I learned nothing, times two-- I didn't learn to solve the problems for myself, I didn't learn to keep my big mouth shut. It may have been a bit of power thing on their part, but it is something I stress to my husband (who is a teacher), ask the student if they want help first. I simply could not say it was all going fine when it was not quite there yet. Nowadays I have reframed the answer to "it is going fine for this stage of development", but it has taken me decades to believe this.


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Justcurious
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03 Aug 2009, 11:18 am

You need to learn how to lie, human society is based off of it.

Or if you don't like lieing just say nothing at all would be best, might not be the truth but it a lie.

There is a reason why some call it being economical with the truth.

Being non-commital regarding penetrating questions like how are you means that you deflect attention away from yourself without causing anyone any harm.



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03 Aug 2009, 11:49 am

(I'm refering to the Inheritence trilogy)
[quote=Chrsitopher Paoloni"]It's impossible to lie in the Ancient language[/quote]
That doesn't stop the Elves doing it.

The point is... most people hate lying. That's why they have to decieve themselves as well, so they can act like they're telling the truth. If you find self-deception difficult, you'll find deception difficult. Unless you are totally emotionless, in which case lying will be easy. However, despite what some people think, Autism does not render someone emotionless.

For the record, I hate lying, so I have to exploit the English language a lot more than most people.


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Fiz
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03 Aug 2009, 11:52 am

I don't like it when people lie to me, so I am, therefore, not going to lie either. I also don't like to sugar-coat things either but I do try to be as polite as possible if it is a truth that isn't very nice. Or if it's too hurtful, depending on the person, I say nothing at all.


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Magneto
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03 Aug 2009, 12:00 pm

Quote:
I don't like it when people lie to me, so I am, therefore, not going to lie either.

Ah, the Golden rule. NTs often go on about it, but don't like it when it's implelemented.

To bend the old expression: if you can't say anything true, don't say anything at all.


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Greentea
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03 Aug 2009, 12:15 pm

I don't like it when people lie to me, so I lie to them because that's what they like, and in return they lie to me because they're convinced that's what I like, like everyone else and themselves, even if I beg for the truth.


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pschristmas
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03 Aug 2009, 8:32 pm

I learned to lie to my late husband out of self-defense. Sometimes I'd forget to do something and if he found out, he'd jump all over me about it and really blow things out of proportion. I learned to say I'd remembered to do whatever it was he'd asked me to do, then run and do it quickly so he didn't find out I'd forgotten. He also liked to have things done his way, even when his way was wasteful or inefficient, but he'd get very upset when I pointed out that his way wasn't necessarily the best, so I learned to just agree with him and do things my own way. I loved Darren dearly, but at times he had a way of speaking to me as if I were a mildly retarded child that really got on my nerves.



AspieInTraining
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12 Jan 2010, 5:42 pm

ponies wrote:
Every time I am asked the truth about something, I find it impossible to tell a "white lie" because it does feel like I am not telling the truth so I find it very uncomfortable not to be completely transparent.

Anyone else do this?


Ever since I was a child, I have found it difficult to tell "white lies." When I was in elementary school, I was a "tomboy" and didn't like dolls or girl's toys and fashion accessories. I remember my birthday party, where the other girls in my class gave me gifts. The presents were all things that typical girls my age would like, but not the things that a tomboy like myself enjoyed. As I opened each gift, I uttered an unenthusiastic, "thanks," but the other girls could tell that I wasn't at all excited about their gifts. I just couldn't bring myself to tell "white lies" and say that I liked the presents. After the party, my mom got quite upset with me, and told me that I should have pretended to like the gifts, so as not to hurt the other girls' feelings. After all, they had given me the things they themselves would like, assuming that I would like them too.

It wasn't until I learned (only about a month ago) that I am likely an aspie, that I understood the reason why I have difficulty telling lies in order to protect others' feelings. Aspies feel compelled to be totally honest. Even now, it doesn't seem logical to tell someone that I like their gift, when I really don't. If they believe I really do like it, then they might spend more money buying similar gifts for me (and I would then feel obligated to tell them that I enjoy those also). Where would it stop? At what point would I need to tell them I don't like those types of gifts? How would I tell them the truth (to prevent them from spending their hard-earned money on things I don't like and won't use), while still not hurting their feelings? Any ideas aspies? :roll:



McCann_Can_Triple
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12 Jan 2010, 5:52 pm

I feel white lies are far worse than the truth. To me, you are deceiving the other person. I can't stand that.


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