Pregnant girlfriend

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Hello. I have a feeling I have aspergers but I have not been diagnosed. From an early age I was very good with computers and Math and had severe problems with bullying. I am now 33 years old and struggle to make friends with just about anyone. I live with my mum still and do not have a job. I have had 3 relationships with girls in my life and each one I met off the internet. Because I didnt have any other friends and would have been lonely without their company, I stayed with these girls who all took advantage of me financially ripping me off. The latest woman I have dated must have seen me as a sucker coming from a mile away.

We have been dating for 18 months and she says she has bipolar disorder but I see a lot of sociopathic tendencies in her. I found it difficult to break up with her because as I said before, she is my only social contact. We were going through a very difficult time and had discussed breaking up and I had to spend sometime away to visit family. On the day I left she texted me to say she was pregnant. I thought she was lying and just wanted me to stay in town (she has severe abandonment issues). When I got back I discovered she really is pregnant despite her being on the pill. We had both talked about this before and she said that if this ever happened she would not want another baby (she is 39, already has 3 kids and lives off government benefits). Now she tells me she will keep the baby.

I have severe problems judging peoples characters and have often been manipulated and taken advantage of. She has had extreme emotional problems in the past, she sees a psychiatrist once a month and in general is not very stable emotionally (she also has borderling disorder).Does it sound to anybody like this woman is trying to entrap me? Any advice/opinions appreciated?

Step one is to get a paternity test. That way you have proof that you are the father before you commit to financial/emotional support.

Parent thing, I call it. People who don't want kids or don't want anymore find out they are pregnant and all of a sudden want to try raising it or keeping it. Some decide at the last minute to try raising the child despite that they put it up for an adoption during their pregnancy but they're allowed to decide at the last minute or after their kid is born to have it back to raise it but I am sure there is a deadline.
Many children are unplanned but parents end up keeping them anyway than putting them up for an adoption. I think that's why there are so many lazy parents and parents who don't spend time with their kids or play with them and are in such a rush to get them out of their home when they turn 18 because they really didn't want to be parents in the first place but ended up pregnant and deciding to keep them. I also know that some people do plan to have kids but don't realize how much work they are and how much of their time they take so they end up being lazy parents. I knew two kids who were always locked out of their house because their grandparents didn't want them around and their parents. Two of my cousins have a dad who always saw them as in his way and he always wanted them to sit in one spot than moving around when they were babies. He did want kids but he didn't realize how much work one baby be and then he didn't want to be a dad anymore. I am sure their next baby was unplanned and then one day he started cheating on my aunt and finally left her when she caught him.

Many years ago, the girlfriend of a guy I worked with told him she was pregnant. Given this, he figured there was no longer any point in continuing to use condoms when having sex with her, so he stopped. (He was not thinking about the problem of sexually transmitted diseases.) He eventually discovered that she was not pregnant when she originally told him she was, but became pregnant after he stopped using condoms.

Years later, a different guy at a different job told me the following story. A women he had a brief relationship with contacted him a couple of months after the relationship ended. She told him she was pregnant and that he must be the father. What she did not know was that he had a vasectomy a few years prior to their relationship. So he first went to a doctor and had his semen checked to confirm that he was still sterile. He then presented a printed copy of the test results to this woman, and told her if she wanted to persist with her claim that he was the father, he would be happy to go to court over it. Needless to say, that was the last he heard from her.

Anyway, follow CelticGoddess's excellent advice and get a paternity test. Also, do not let this woman manipulate you into marrying her “for the good of the child”.

Finally, for future reference (for you or anyone else reading this thread), unless you are in a secure, committed relationship, do not rely on your partner for birth control. At a bare minimum, always use condoms that you have purchased and brought with you (as opposed to leaving at your partner's place). Also, consider getting a vasectomy. I do not know what country you live in, but nowadays many health insurance plans (public and private) will cover the cost. If they do not, or if you do not have health insurance, you may be able to find non-profit organisation (eg, Planned Parenthood) that will help pay for it.

Good luck.

Years ago a friend was going to drop his girlfriend but she told him she was pregnant so he married her. Turned out she wasn't but too late.

A girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She was too, but to another guy!
I found out in time and dumped the slut.

Bottom line: Even if your girlfriend is pregnant and even if it is your child, ask yourself this question:

"Do I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman?"

If the answer is "no" then pay maintenance or do what you have to do but DON'T marry her.

There's a bit of an unfair bias going on here. For every story of the girl who said she was pg and tricked the guy, there's an equal amount of stories of the girl really being pg by the guy who decides he's going to shrug off his responsibility, hits the road and she's left as a single parent because he's a deadbeat Dad. So if you're going present one side of the coin, tell the flipside too.

Moral of the story - Keep it wrapped up. Birth control pills may work towards preventing pregnancy but it does absolutely nothing about protecting you, and her, from the variety of STD's out there.

I really think people need to educate themselves about things like this. Before you have another sexual partner, get yourself tested to find out if you have anything. There are several STD's/STI's that don't have noticable symptoms. Have your partner do the same and that way you enter into a relationship armed with information.

Okay, stepping off my soapbox now.

I love the way the last poster phrased it. Keep it wrapped up. If you don't want the responsibility of fatherhood, you can NOT rely on the woman's word about birth control, and its foolish from other perspectives, too.

I, too, know a story of a crazy woman who trapped a guy. He was stupid. I was even warning him about her at the time. He ... just ... acted ... stupid. Even smart guys seem to be capable of thinking from the wrong body part (and women, too, I admit it).

In this situation, I really really feel sorry for the child. And there is the one person who didn't make any mistakes in all of this or act selfishly in any way - the child.

For that reason, if the child really is yours (which can be proved or disproved by a test) you are stuck. Do your best by the child. Period. That doesn't mean marriage; it just means being a good father in any way you can.

It seems to me with the generous government subsidy schemes for single mothers in the UK, and the child support laws in the UK (as I understand the male has to pay 50% while the mum collects govt benefits on top of this) it gives the woman a financial incentive to get pregnant and men have more to lose while women have more to gain by having sex. Im going to take a nice long break from dating/relationships...

Demand a paternity test.
Use a condom, every time; get a vasectomy if you have chosen not to have kids.
Don't trust in other people - it is your responsibility to be safe and sure.

I don't know that she took advantage, or that your condition had anything to do with it... some people take risks, others seize their opportunities, some just do things for no real reason. No matter, you are in a serious situation that has long term ramifications for you and for the child to be born. Don't get pushed into doing anything, know your rights and your responsibilities, and keep your head up.


M.

well, I'm seriously hoping I'm wrong but... you said she has sever abandonment issues, and sociopathic tendencies. Aspies tend to be easily tricked and mislead. I do know there have been cases where women have gotten pregnant while on the pill. But it seems to me like she might have gotten pregnant on purpose, to keep you around. This is really shady and not right behavior, and I would demand a paternity test.

Get a paternity test NOW!!

Otherwise...you're stuck with the responsibilities that you may not be prepared for.

Oh and keep us updated!

I'm sorry. You'll have to expand on your meaning. I don't quite grasp what you're getting at.

Well, I am 33 yrs old, live at home with my mum, have not had a job in years, so I guess Im well aware of what in most peoples eyes I would appear to be. Last job I had was an adjunct University professor (math) which I was let go after a semester because many students complained that I said inappropriate things in class.

I will say that I have bad problems in life management and judging peoples characters. I met this woman at a bad time in my life after I had just had to drop out of University because of depression caused by lack of ability to develop normal relations with anyone. I had only just started to consider I had aspergers but knew something was not right. I met her on a mental health website because for some reason I thought I had bipolar disorder(she has bipolar or says she does). She had just left her husband after cheating on him and shortly before we met he killed himself.

This probably makes me sound really stupid. Lately I feel almost mentally ret*d. But I am not that stupid, I am really good at math and computers. But maybe I should just keep away from people, because I always seem to get taken advantage of somehow.