The importance of lying to getting a girlfriend

Post Reply New Topic

So it is an opinion piece; appreciate the clarification.


M.

sorry. you are totally right. the truth is- I totally dig guys who lie.

It's ok, anna - I also have had to get used to the fact that despite the reality of things, LPP is always "right".


M.

The white knight, Maku.

A nice second try.

I didn't say you like liars, all what I am saying that your first post here couldn't be really a joke or ,at least, doesn't sound one at all. Now don't put words in my mouth (it's already full, I am eating cookies) and don't be so dramatic.

Last edited by LePetitPrince on 16 Aug 2009, 4:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

so not only you can't tell a joke, but you also see drama where there isn't any- maybe you should chill out man. I know it's not easy in your part of the world, but I'm sure someone could give you a hand sticking your head out of your ass

but my head ...ugh....is huge.

^^don't we all know that

Where are you looking for partners? Pick up joints? Nightclubs?

There are millions of decent and honest young men.
There are millions of decent and honest young women.

For every plain and ordinary young man there is a plain and ordinary girl who would be happy to love him.

I'd rather live alone than live a lie any day. You should spin yourself positively, but outright lying is rarely appropriate.
If I ever end up in a relationship it'll be luck, I don't even care to try because I'm too cynical. This thing about lying to get dates is one of the many reasons.

I disagree. I still don't think lying should be necessary. If your girlfriend isn't looking so good today, there's no need to mention her appearance, and you can still say things like, "It's good to see you," without lying.

Having said that, I only count a lie as a lie if it's actually intended to deceive someone - I think exaggeration is OK. I don't mind looking through some photos with my girlfriend, coming across a photo of her and saying, 'Ah, the prettiest picture of all'. Of course, no doubt there are prettier pictures elsewhere in the universe, so it isn't technically true, but if we both know it's an innocent exaggeration not actually intended to fool anybody, then I don't consider that a lie.

And even if she isn't looking good at some time, because she's tired or something, there must be positive and negative aspects to her appearance - all you have to do to avoid lying is mention the positive ones and not mention the negative ones. If she asks what you think about something you don't like much, you can at least say, "Well, I preferred..." and start talking about how lovely she looked the other day. You never need to lie to be nice.

This would probably work with an Aspie woman. With an NT woman...not so much. The strategy of not mentioning a temporary slippage of looks works so long as the slippage is temporary. But unless you never get married and manage to go the rest of your life without being with a woman over 40, that strategy will become so strained that it will be obvious. You can insist all you want that a woman shouldn't care so much (and maybe Aspie women don't, I don't know), but NT women do. And she will notice that compliments about her looks that came frequently at 30 and even 35 have stopped once she gets past 40, all the name of honesty. You can try to work your way around it with compliments about a new dress or particularly stylish haircut but she WILL notice that you don't compliment those attributes that don't come from a store or salon.

Or maybe you actually WILL think she's as beautiful at 40, 50,60 as she was at 30 so you won't be lying. In which case, bless you.

I know for a cold, hard fact that it is a physical impossibility for me to look as pretty in middle age as I did in youth when my husband and I met. The laws of gravity and biology apply. Nevertheless, I WANT to be lied to. And since he isn't Aspie, he knows this and does it easily. I am not unique. This is utterly normal for NT women. This is just a heads up for any Aspie men who will be married to NT women so that the giddy, crush goggles come off and you are with her in middle age. The convoluted attempts to compliment literally everything BUT that which gravity and age has destroyed will become obvious. And insisting that (NT) women just SHOULDN'T be like this won't change the fact that most if not nearly all are.

For the record, anybody wonderibng why an NT woman with an NT husband is on WP in the first place, it;s because we have an autie daughter, recessive genes since we're NT nerdish types. I really have no business in this subsection but I got drawn by the plaintive stories of lonelyhearts who would do so much better with what look from the outside like very do-able tweaks.

well, I believe some of the issue makes some sense and it seems actually the case, if you want to impress someone, you would likely put more colors to any description of you than it really is, in order to impress the person or to avoid rejection, is it really lying? it depends, you might as well believe honestly what you say about yourself even if it turns out false, I mean, being honest is one thing and being truthful would be another.

I believe it would be common for an insecure guy to try to be someone else, for fear of rejection, he wouldn't like how he is, and probably would likely think no one would like him the very way he is, and I'll be one of them, I mean, I have some issues, that I believe it wouldn't be convenient for a woman, so a relationship seems a bit far, even though just a short time thing or even casual sex seems a bit unlikely, it seems more possible than a longtime relationship, though if I was a good lier I could get something more easily, although I would prefer to hide the truth instead of telling lies In any case, I'm not certain of everything, but there are several reasons for either impressing others or hide the side of ourselves we feel ashamed of, etc.

In one hand, it seems kinda obvious that a guy would hide a dark truth if that wouldn't be convenient for him to do, pretty much it wouldn't be considered much of a smart move to do so, at least until he decides he can be that honest with the partner and how her reaction would be, and that pretty much applies to both genders.

Very much the issue seems to be in shades of greys rather than black and white, and the falsity probably would be mostly expected, I have had observed few married couples arguing that the other weren't like that when they were girlfriends/boyfriends, which it made me think to be probably common and perhaps not intentational in some cases.

In the end, it really doesn't matter, I tend to think that is part of our nature, and people will keep doing that.