Social Phobia

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Social phobia, probably the biggest most influential force in my life so far. It has truly made my life miserable. I often wonder how something (seemingly simple - as avoiding others), can have such a negative and all round effect on someone. This fear and traits of avoidance seems to have been ever present. I can't remember a day of my life (even early childhood) when I didn't fear being around people, for whatever reason. It's been such a challenge.

I know there are others who too suffer from Social Phobia. Suffer being the optimum word. I'm an 'if only' type of guy, and I often wonder where I would be less SP. I hope this thread will prove to be a great leveler between me and the rest. I hope someone can give me some advice on how to deal with this constant problem. I just wish I had never developed it from such a young age. I feel just worthless, knowing that I acquired something which is of no benefit to me.

Hey, I wanna blue

I have social phobia too. I have days that I can feel like you too, how hopeless it can be and the feeling that you are doomed live with this fear the rest of your life somehow...
But I have somehow learned to change my attitude towards my SP. Trying not to stuck in thoughts about it and trying to face it sometimes
Because thats the most difficult part of course - to throw yourself out and meet it

Sometimes I can miss dreadfully to have friends, both online and offline but I know pretty well that its also my social phobia that prevents me from getting them...
I survive and accept to live with it as I have my husband so Im not alone and I keep drowning myself in my special interests and by this keep my mind busy thinking of what I dont have
But at some levels its too hard to live with it so I have actually applied a clinic to get help with it in therapy because as it is now I cant get a job beause of it...

I'm curious to know if your social phobia has gotten worse as you've gotten older...?? Mine sure has.

Mine has definitely for sure.....every screwed up meeting boost it closer to hell...

I have experienced this for years. Are you currently undergoing any treatment (e.g., CBT, meds) or tried self-help? Mine peaked in my early twenties and then one day, when I was 29, it diminished substantially. It was very odd because this occurred within a few days.

Thanks xalepax, for the assurances. Yes mine is at that level too where getting a job is impossible.



Well, I would say it's been constant (the SP), but the general anxiety around it has increased. I seem to be more obsessed over being what I feel people expect of me. This has led to terrible anxiety/ OCD.



I have been on meds for anxiety and it has helped a bit. I'm not so anxious anymore, however my trigger response to people is always, avoidance and or fear. It's really difficult and self defeating. I'm glad you seem to have overcome yours. I hope I can do the same.

To the OP, I can relate when you say SP is the most influential force in your life. SP has held me back from things I wanted to achieve in my life. I recently lost a group of friends over a misunderstanding. I was accused of doing something I didn't do and I couldn't defend myself properly as I couldn't properly articualte my argument. My aspergers obviously didn't help either. This wasn't even my biggest setback caused by SP. I couldn't get close to one person I really cared about as I couldn't lower my defences when I was around her. This is the biggest regret of my life even though I know it was something that couldn't be helped at the time.

xaleplax, I also find it difficult to get a job. I can't suggest too much as I'm also trying to overcome this, but I can give some examples from past experience that might be helpful. Employers seem to prefer confidence and good people skills even if those with these skills are less qualified for the job. I've been thinking about the way I came across in previous interviews and decided I had to improve my body language and give more open answers to questions as I was too afraid to 'put myself out there' before. I've found that I get feel more comfortable as I attend more interviews as I have as I start to know what to expect. You could try to think of good responses beforehand so you wont be caught out by anything the interviewer says. But then I've never had a successful interview so what do I know?

Its good to see you have chosen therapy. Its not something I've ever tried before. Will you let me know how it goes? I'm sorry I'm not good at giving adive but I hope this helps:http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Rid-of-Social-Anxiety

I haven't overcome it, but it's decreased substantially from what it was. Do your thoughts about what others expect of you come from within, or did you have others putting any outside pressure on you? Meds alone for SA aren't recommended because it's more effective to combine them with other treatments, changing thought patterns while you gradually re-expose yourself to feared situations.

Well that's kinda difficult to answer...

The best way to explain it, is that my thoughts are gathered through my own internalising, thus coming from within. These thoughts mainly centre around myself. However I do feel a pressure of what I feel is expected of me. These feelings come from within, but I sense that they could have been transmitted to naive me, by the attitudes and behaviours of others. So, it's difficult to really answer your question. I feel a pressure from within, which I feel is based on external circumstances and events.

I have been seeing a psychologist too, however due to financial constraints this has been cut short. We have basically established that my own thoughts are the problem, but not really why they surfaced in the very beginning. Changing of thoughts have become somewhat easier, but obviously not to the optimum level. One thing I have established is that I don't place as much pressure on myself as I used to. If I make a bit of a fool of myself these days, I don't really beat myself up about it. At least that's a start in the right direction.

Oh and thanks devey for the 'how to' link.

I'm on the boat

I might be starting to attend an anxiety support group soon, maybe you could try to find one near you? Google maps can help you search

Hi and thanks for your words. You know I have tried thinking for dear life of "god responses beforehand" in interviews. I cant deal with them asking personal questions and I have told myself to be extremely strict and dont say anything personal. But unfortunately I cant control another person and predict what will happen in an interview. I have screwed up four interviews in a row this spring because I couldnt deal with the way they was held. Now Im so burned out of my experiences that Im dead affraid of trying again..



Welcome onboard, Let us with SP support each other in this thread when needed to, oki?

I had that idea too in attending a support group. I even found an organisation in my neighbourhood that provide support groups for SP.....
One day I was passing by with my bike and decided to pop in and see what this organisation was about. I didnt present me or said what I was interested in, just asked them in general to tell what they do there
They have diffrent kind of support for diffrent kind of people and one was this SP group

But when they asked what was my name and where I lived I went scared and ran off and thereby once again went TOTALLY BLOCKED!! !!

I can totally relate

I'm a social spactic. I would love to be able to mix socially but just thinking about it makes me scared. Part of my problem is that I have really poor facial recognition. If someone says "Hello" to me in the street I have no idea who they are. It can be someone I've known for ages but until they say something personal about themselves that I recognise I really have no idea who I'm talking to.

I'm also really bad at understanding facial expressions. Faces that are bored, tired, angry or upset all look the same to me. It makes it so hard to understand people.

When I was young I was always given a hard time for being shy. My parents always told me I was rude because I didn't say hello to people we knew. People got angry at me for walking past them and ignoring them. When I do have to interact with people I get so wound up that I tend to overdo it. I come on too strong and almost start babbling about any old nonsence. My OH says I just need to relax. Stop trying so hard. It's not that easy even though I wish it was.

I get so lonely but people scare me so much and I know I can so easily make a complete fool of myself. It's just easier if I stay away from people.

I know it doesn't help I_wanna_blue but you are definately not alone. I feel your pain.

I know how that feels. I probably lost the opportunity of love for the very same reason. It makes me feel like such an incapable person, for as you say it was something that couldn't have been helped. I think a lot of the girl who I felt so strongly towards, and I know that I can never be with her as long as I am controlled by fear.



Thank you...

Hi I wanna blue, how are you today..

You know, I know how you feel around the girl you feel strongly towards. I had the same phase when I met my husband to be and whe got a bit more far than just beeing friends. I was sooooo scaaaared!! !
And because of this we had constant fights that sometimes could last for months.....at the end it turned out he was just as affraid as I was of our relationship...and we came to a point when we both had to overcome our social phobias and give it a real chance
Today, nine years later, we are still very happily married - we both have kind of social phobia and both lack friends but We Have Each Other!!

So, dont give up and allow yourself to try and test your limits and allow yourself to be scared of the relationship with this girl....it may be really worth it at the end!!

Hey xalepax, I'm doing fine.

Unfortunately this girl and I will probably never meet again. Since I have left University, I have no way of seeing her. But I suppose it's o.k, it's just hard to accept that my SP has destroyed so many of the good things in my life. But don't worry I'll get over it. I'm glad to hear about you and your husband. I hope you two remain happy for a long time.

Hi everyone of this thread....

Today Im feeling sad over my Social Phobia.
You know its hopeless to feel constantly AFFRAID OF PEOPLE.... During all the years I have suffered most about my social phobia against people I meet IRL. I still do that but mostly I dont bother about that anymore...
The only that have worked for me is communications via internet. Now I feel my social phobia is affecting me badly also on the internet.

Im working with my videos to YouTube. I just made the first video there private as Im affraid I can be traced by people hearing me talking... and I had to put one idea for a video I had in the bin due to privacy...

Im so incredible affraid that the wrong people will come across me both there and on this forum. All the time Im thinking of what I do and say and I only gets more scared for each day. Im required to make a website for my course and I would love to have a website connected to my YouTube channel but I hesitate a lot because I might be traced easier if I do that.....
I wont do it for the course in any case as I dont want to connect my YouTube channel with some random people Im meeting IRL on a temporary course. So I would probably just create a dummy website, that is only a teaser for the real stuff...

I dont know what to do with myself because I give myself more and more limits and at the end its absolutely nothing left...