I just wish i had regular friends. I feel so alone

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Im just sitting in my house. As usual, I cant think of anything to do, anyone to call. I went for a walk and now im just ready to go nuts. Its just unbearable. Im so sick of this. im 38 gay and just useless.

Whenever I get like that I tend to zone out in front of the TV and eat whatever. It might not be the healthiest thing to do, but sometimes I just need some "me" time. I wish I could do nothing, instead I have to work on my thesis.

You make it sound like being 38 and gay are bad things...

thanks for the encouragement. Now i feel even more useless. Im glad your working on your thesis. Its not bad but its not good either. Wish i could get inspiration for something to do. I have two cats.

Sorry, I wasn't trying to make you feel more useless. Just suggesting that your situation may not be as bad as it may seem. As you said yourself, it's not bad. It's not good either, but it could be worse.

Cats are nice. My sister has a cat.

What are you good at? I feel that way a lot and I paint or draw or play piano or do grammatical analysis on things that I see and it makes me feel a bit better. Doing nothing makes it seem worse because you agonise about how much nothing you're doing.

I can relate. I get tired of trying to distract myself and am often finding lately that I lose interest in my interests. I spend all this time buying books and taping programs as a way to forget that I am alone. What I wouldn't give to just have someone to call or go for a bike ride with. Sure, I could go by myself. But it wouldn't hurt to have some company.
I'm sorry you feel this way, too. It hurts.

I agree about feeling alone, its power, and how we can ruminate our thoughts faster than we can find something to do with ourselves. At the moment, I'm home, on my own, knowing I should be in bed, but somehow awake seeking someone to talk to. Here's what helps me some.

1) Always acknowledge that many others feel totally the way you do. Sometimes, that thought can make you feel less alone. Tell yourself "I'm with, and part of, so many others, right now".
2) Sing. Find some special songs, and try singing them for the heck of it. This activity makes being alone advantageous, rather than a downer, since only you can hear yourself. Don't be hard on yourself, but believe you can get better. I even reached the point I go public with karaoke without fear of embarassment. A journey, but well worth it. And unlimited songs to keep trying.
3) I got rid of the TV. Why? It is simply too stimulating to my aspie mind to enjoy it. My visual memory is too good. I don't know you, but ask yourself how much stimulation, could be too much or not enough, might make being alone more enjoyable.
4) Excercise. Try push ups or 'jackknives' for the abs to get endorphins flowing and improve mood.
5) Art is priceless, healing, and beautiful.

I feel better already, and I hope you do too. Knowing you may have helped someone feel better or improve themself, also helps.
Thanks.