Some questions about Aspergers

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Hi there,

I was recently semi-diagnosed with Aspergers ("semi" because I haven't gone through all of the tests yet but the psychologist, who specialises in ASDs said he is fairly sure that I have it, at list mildly). I have a few questions - I know everyone with Aspergers is different but please humour me. By the way I am female, 30 and educated, I know "symptoms" differ somewhat in females and in those who've had years to adapt.

So, question 1: I read something by an Aspie that said Aspies have problems with grammar, spelling and punctuation. While I am not very articulate verbally, I'm pretty anal when it comes to writing - spelling and punctuation errors in particular stand out to me like a sore thumb (I hope I don't make any in this post!). I tend to type very fast to keep up with my brain but I do then proof-read. What is typical for Aspies?

Question 2: I seem to cry at the wrong times - e.g. if my husband doesn't understand me or ignores a problem I have (even though it's my fault because I am not communicating very well!), when someone does really well at something (e.g. a dancer dances amazingly), when my dog had to be put down I bawled my eyes out. Yet, I didn't cry when my grandfather passed away or my great-aunt (however I did cry when my ex-boyfriends mother passed away from cancer). Does that sound very un-Aspie-like? That I can be very emotional at times but very unemotional at others?

Question 3: Any other female Aspies around that can tell me what they see as the difference between female and male Aspies? Apparently it's just being researched - my psychologist said it was good that I sought him out.

Thanks for any replies, I'm still working this Aspergers thing out. I was unofficially diagnosed as a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) years ago, but I think Aspergers is more accurate, I'm still getting used to it!

Ozzie_girl

Question 1: Spelling, punctuation, layout errors jar heavily with me, too. The skills I'm still learning are about how to get the errors corrected without offending other people. Sometimes I think that bad spelling grows ever more prevalent because NTs are too careful of each others feelings to notice them.

Question 2: Crying: yes, I do that too. The aspergers thing is about normals not seeing the emotion, and us not seeing theirs, I think, rather than us not feeling things.

Question 3: Any other female Aspies around that can tell me what they see as the difference between female and male Aspies? No, sorry. Can't help you there. My local female is embarassingly normal. There was a period back before the diagnosis when she feared I was gay, if that helps.

In the larger context, the basic flaw in aspergers is in that automatic monkey-see, monkey-do thing that is the foundation of what the normals call "theory of mind", as far as I can see. All of the subsequent abnormalities that vary so wildly are to do with how we deal with living in a world that's incomprehensible on its own terms.

Welcome to WP, anyway

I'm a spelling nazi. I received a resume that was so full of errors that I corrected it in red pen and sent it back to the applicant with a note suggesting she learn to spell if she wants a job. Being picky about things like spelling for me is about right and wrong. I hate it when things are blatantly wrong.

I find crying a tricky thing. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. Sometimes my eyes just leak and I'm not really crying as in sobbing. Just leaking which doesn't make sense. It's like my body needs to cry but my brain isn't recognising that.

As for the difference between men and women, I have no idea

tony attwood has written a very interesting article on the 'girl version' of AS. i can relate to it strongly.
however you may not choose to listen to me as i have not been diagnosed, only due to me being scared of going to the docs and my mother would be furious if she found out and i am scared of her most in the world.

http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/articles/ ... pers9.html

i am not particularly bad with spelling and punctuation, but i do not usually pay attention to it unless i am writing for somthing formal.

i do not often cry, but i do get upset at strange times, instead of crying i get nervous, stim loads, and cant look at people, i retreat into my head where most of the time its safe.

good luck

1. Many of us have a special interest in language and linguistics. Furthermore, we tend to have an affinity for patterns and systems. I would expect that this would make us better overall with things such as grammar and punctuation. Those of us who are effective visual learners will also tend to be good spellers. I seldom misspell words (unless I screw up typing them), but frequently mispronounce them. I have a special interest in languages, both the technocratic aspects as well as more practical communication. Literature, however, is extremely difficult - it is hard to maintain focus on sequential material, such as stories. I enjoy reading, but tend strongly toward "random access" matter, such as academic and scientific material, textbooks and the like.

2. I have a material delay - minutes, days, years - between when an emotion-triggering event occurs and when I connect to the emotion. Furthermore, once connected, the event may recur spontaneously at any time, and the feelings do not attenuate over time. As a result, I often have unexpected or "inappropriate" emotional responses. I may also start to cry out of a blue clear sky. This used to bother me; now I just take it in stride.

3. While there are general differences between autistic males and females, there is also a tremendous difference in how one perceives identical behaviour based on whether the person being observed is male or female. Many behaviours that are generally received as quirks or oddities in men are downright weird in women, and vice versa. Just ask anyone who has been perceived both as male and as female - the difference in treatment, especially of those little differences, is striking.

Whomever said Aspies have problems with spelling and grammar MUST have been speaking for themselves and generalizing from that. I do not see evidence of that on WP. There are those with atrocious written language skills, but by and large I think most of us are so pattern-and-order oriented we're rather obsessive about these things. I have panic attacks if I post something and realize I didn't double-check my Spellchecker and missed a boo-boo - I have to edit and fix it or life can't go on.

I think I'm more likely to be openly emotional when alone, than with another person in the room. I don't know if that's a male thing or an Aspie thing. Sometimes fictional events can be more moving than actual events - they even feel more 'real'. I sometimes find myself detached from actual events - I feel them, but on a deeper, less demonstrative level, if that makes any kind of sense.

Sometimes fictional events can trigger memories of actual events and their associated emotions much stronger than the original event. I know that the last couple episodes of an anime I like sure brought up the emotion in me quite strong from way back when my best friend died. I knew exactly how the main charecter was feeling when he lost his friend, because I was the same age when mine died.

All good questions.

1. I had to learn to spell in English quite consciously and conscientiously, a process I dedicated myself to when I was in my 20s. Once I focused on the problem, I managed to become quite competent at spelling in English.

2. My emotions rarely come out right, or at the right time. And I'm quite poor at reading other's emotions from their facial expressions.

3. I'm male, but I've read a lot of posts here and elsewhere, as well as many of the books on AS and autism. There do seem to be distinct differences between men and women on the spectrum.

Hi ozzie_girl - welcome to WP!

#1 - I don't know what's "typical for Aspies," but I learned to spell and write with correct grammar when I was in school. Perhaps if a person had dyslexia, in addition to AS, that would make a difference in their ability to acquire those skills.

I'm a bit of a compulsive speller - when I hear a word of which I am unsure, I have to spell it in my head. If I'm really unsure, I will look it up in one of the many dictionaries I have scattered about my apartment. When it comes to grammar, I go to great pains to both speak & write with good sentence structure.

#2 - That sounds like me. My emotions tend to be "all or nothing" - and I tend to express them unevenly. So I might start to cry unexpectedly in response to a song lyric, but the death of my sister didn't seem to elicit any emotional response in me. Recently, when my company's management announced the most recent round of layoffs, I struggled to make my face show the appropriate expression - to better match the emotions of the people around me. Not an easy task without a mirror in front of me.

#3 - Not being female, I can't respond to the question as asked. But, having met a number of female Aspies, I can say that they showed a lot of similarities to the male Aspies that I've met, as well as some differences. I think that the same characteristic might be interpreted differently, depending on whether the person is male or female. For instance, when a male fails to make eye contact, he is said to be evasive - but when a female fails to make eye contact, she is being demure. Exactly the same characteristic, but two completely different interpretations based on the sex of the individual.

I hope you find the answers to all your questions. Best of luck!

1. Spelling and grammar errors drive me mad. I'm not terribly picky if it's an informal email, but if it's an important document it will bother me unless it's fixed. I've found typos in books before; they drive me crazy. My own typos irritate me if I can't fix them. I think you are in good company!

2. I cry over TV shows but not at funerals. Real life events take longer to sink in for me at times. I absolutely feel grief but I process it differently than most people seem to expect. I need to stay with the emotion and process it for a while. I think that the larger the emotional response is, the longer it takes to work through it. So, it can result in emotional responses that could potentially be seen as inappropriate but I've never had anyone confront me on it. I think people are tolerant of others expressing grief differently - at least those I surround myself with.

3. I'm reading up on this too. I've read that females may have more socially typically interests, so the increased intensity of the interest is not as noticeable. I've also read that women in generally may be more motivated to perform socially, so they make more effort to learn appropriate social skills intellectually rather than intuitively. This would result in lower rates of diagnosis as the difference is less obvious. I don't have the source for this but I will post it if I come across it again. I believe it is a relatively new area of research.

I am not diagnosed and am currently trying to determine for myself whether or not I have AS so I'm not sure how helpful my comments will be, but you raise very interesting questions.

1. Never had issues with spelling or grammar. Even thought English is my third language, I seem to have a natural feel for correct spelling/grammar without ever learning or using any rules. It's the same with the other two languages.

2. I often do not have emotional responses that are considered expected for the given circumstances. Seeing people weep at funerals always seemed illogical to me. "The dude's dead already, weeping won't change anything" is what's typically going through my mind. When my mother died from over-medication two years ago, I remember feeling nothing at all. As bad as it sounds, my reaction was something like: "Given the miserable life she had the last few years, with all the illnesses from almost 25 years of being an alcoholic, dying may not be such a terrible thing for her. Besides, I'm surprised she's made it this far."

3. I am not a female, but the general idea of using intellectual faculties instead of intuition to "act normal" is likely a universal way of coping with the condition for both males and females. In my opinion/observation, AS females may be better at mastering the art of acting than males. But, like everything else, it takes practice and determination. After years of trying, I can pass as normal, albeit eccentric, to almost anybody for about a day. After that, they start noticing some oddities mostly because after a day of constant concentration on performance worthy of Academy Award I have no energy to keep doing it. Besides, when I pretend to be somebody I'm not, I feel like I'm lying to people and it sucks.

I cry quite a lot at times, especially when things are changing, like New Year for example. I dont like people to see me cry though.

You got the HSP thing, too, huh? I can't seem to communicate to my therapist that although I have almost all of the sensory issues associated with the HSP label, I have none of the social benefits they describe. He still insists on the HSP with some autistic traits. sigh.

1. My spelling and grammar are usually excellent. My punctuation is off, I'm told, because some of the rules have changed slightly from what I was taught as a girl and I'm still hung up on the old rules being right. I'm another one who will notice a misspelling or error in grammar immediately. It bugs me so much that I have to at least mentally correct it and if there are too many errors I won't be able to read something at all. I have an acquaintance who posts wonderful stories online, but constantly mixes up her homophones -- they're, there, their, etc -- or switches the positions of adjacent letters. It drives me nuts.

2. I cry all the time when I'm angry or frustrated. I'm told it's common for women, but I don't see how it could be this common. On the other hand, I exhibit antithetical laughter at times, too, if I'm told something sad or disturbing. I often don't grasp why some things are upsetting to other people and have been guilty of accusing others of being overly emotional or of faking emotional displays for sympathy.

3. I read somewhere that girls' special interests can fly under the radar, since they seem to mirror the interests of other girls. For instance, no one thinks twice about a little girl who absolutely loves and must have anything with a horse on it. Being quiet is also more socially acceptable for young girls in our culture, so it may be that some aspects of Asperger's and HFA are more tolerated in girls than in boys.

Wow, thank you all for the responses. The more I delve into this Aspergers thing, the more I wonder how my parents never picked it up - it's so obvious to me now!

I guess the writer of the blog I read about Aspies having bad grammar, spelling and punctuation was somewhat misinformed I'm almost as bad as you, julie_b when it comes to correcting other people - it really jars. I guess it's an obsessive thing. Come to think of it, I was reading adult murder mysteries when I was 13 (loved solving the puzzles, now I read historical fiction) and I sometimes just sat and read the dictionary (I know, how sad). I still read books and blogs about writing; however, like pschristmas, I still conform to some of the older styles - I ALWAYS put two spaces after a full-stop even though I'm told it's old-fashioned now.

Also, with the obsession thing, I WAS obsessed with horses - I drew them, I had models, I sculpted them, I read about them. To the point that I could draw a very life-like picture of a horse from memory. Everyone thought I was very artistic but I was just good at copying (still am - I still draw and paint sometimes but it's always from something else).

Pschristmas - I have the urge to smile at the wrong times, like when I'm conveying very serious news - I can't help it and it shocks even me! If I see an accident or even think something bad is going to happen (even if my mum calls and says "Hello" in a certain way), I have such an adrenaline surge I'm shaking for ages. This was partly why I was told HSP.

Zeichner, I get such surges of emotion at certain songs as well but have no idea how to react when someone tells me their friend has cancer or like you said - when something big happens at work. kc8ufv and Willard, I too get more emotional with fiction than with real life sometimes. And some books I've read have lead me to major obsessions that have consumed me for months.

Wow, thanks again everyone. When I told my husband I'd been (semi) diagnosed with AS he reacted very strangely - didn't see the need for a diagnosis and didn't think it would make any difference (then again he is DEFINITELY OCD but not professionally diagnosed). However, he didn't really know me until I was 22 and by then, I'd changed a lot and partly because of him - he drew me out of my comfort zone and helped me grow. Now it all makes sense!

Ozzie_girl

I still love dictionaries. When I was a teenager, I used to sit with the dictionary and try to reconstruct the hypothetical Indo-European into a workable language.

Hah! This describes me exactly. I can't get over the idea that "X, Y and Z" is correct. I was taught that it was "X, Y, and Z." Do you know why it changed? Apparently the New York Times wanted to save ink! I also have a hard time taking people seriously when they cannot use proper grammar, particularly when writing professional articles.

In case you haven't figured it out, I'm a spelling and grammar stickler, too. Misuse of "it's" and "its" drives me mad as do run-on sentences and random quotation marks or apostrophes.


The way I understand it, HSP is an invention of Elaine Aron and has no basis in science. HSP is the "nice" view of autistic traits which are not inherently problematic.