1. Are you certain you're interpreting her reactions correctly?
I've discovered that I often don't interpret people's emotional reactions accurately at all. I may interpret a facial expression as irritated or angry when it is merely intended to indicate distraction or even interest in my topic, so I have to ask people what they are thinking. This is also, apparently, a good technique to use in conversation in general, as it encourages others to offer their own perspectives more freely.
2. Have you asked her -- calmly and nonconfrontationally -- if she has concerns about your upcoming marriage?
Sometimes people may feel angry and frustrated not with a person but with a particular situation. It may be that your mom has reservations about your intended marriage that she doesn't feel free to express without invitation.
3. Is it possible that your mother is also on the spectrum?
My own daughter is getting married in March of next year. She's very excited. Frankly, I have a hard time generating much enthusiasm for the upcoming nuptuals. I like the young man in question and I'm very happy that she's found someone, but I really don't care to hear all of the gory details of their plans. The subject is simply boring to me, and although I do try to stimulate an interest for brief periods in deference to her feelings, I just can't get excited about it. Personally, my first marriage was just the two of us at the pastor's house, and if I were to ever remarry, it would be a courthouse affair. I just don't see what all the excitement's about. Maybe your mother is feeling something similar and feels bad about it and is simply not dealing with it well.
I hope these ideas are helpful.
09 Sep 2009, 9:51 am
