Son doesn't even want to try talking to other AS kids

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heh, I understand where the kid is coming from.

My mom, when she heard there's a group of AS people that meet in Victoria --VICTORIA! That's like an hour away!-- I was all...why? Just because they have AS doesn't mean I'll have anything in common with them.

Heheh, you mentioned he was playing his DS at the time? What game? Becuase his last quote was verbatim from Neku Sakuraba from The World Ends With You, a popular game for DS, lol.

Anyways, being serious now. Your son is diagnosed, yes/no? Is he aware of his diagnosis? Because if he is aware, this could most likely be an indicator that he is in denial. I went through the same thing, I didnt want any help at all becuase it would only be acknowledging the diagnosis I was labeled with. He may snap out of it in time, once he realizes he is different, he may open up a little to people like him.

Another thing could be that he is, in general, antisocial. A lot of kids who are bullied a lot will start to see every person their age as a potential tormentor, and will shun social interaction with others to avoid this. This might also pass in time, or it could evolve into something more serious. Still perhaps counseling may help.

Hope this helps. - Roxas

Thanks Roxas. You know, I don't even know what he plays on that DS. But seriously I wouldn't doubt that he quoted something directly from someone else. He does that all the time, in conversation, repeats what he just heard or heard before. The very first pyschologist he had told me how brilliant he was because Aidan discussed "putting his feelings on a shelf". I asked Aidan about it, he told me he got that from a TV show. Clever boy!

He has been diagnosed and he knows of it (he was with me at the time his paediatrician blurted it out). He does seem to be in some denial, in the sense that it's something that sounds "weird" to him. And he's not entirely sure what it means. He doesn't like not knowing something, that everyone else around him 'seems' to know about.

His anxiety is truly his biggest setback. His fears overwhelm him so we're getting more counselling for that.

No problem. If he ever does decide to join WP, let me know so I can show him around the site. He sounds like he has a lot in common with me, I'd like to meet him.

PS: Wow, major brainwave at the end of that sentence. You mentioned something about anxiety, perhaps he is afraid he wont be accepted here. Of course we except everyone (except trolls & spam-turkeys) here at WP, but he doesn't seem to realize that. Perhaps if you were to show him a few messages from us like the one I wrote above, where ppl here are interested in talking to him, it might calm his anxiety a bit. This thought just occured to me as I clicked "submit". Worth a try, I guess.

- Roxas

Why he should talk with other child? I had about 2 friends from 8 to 16 y-old and not for talking (actually I need someone to play multiplayer videogames and like that). Usually children are anoying, adults are better.
If he don't like children. He will grow up and talk with adults.
By the way. Now I crawl forums talking and I don't have much problem at work or writing (english is not my native language) but untill 16 I had many problem with writing and never talk with my own age unless if costrected. They were too boring.

Roxas, he said he might be interested. Stay tuned!

Will do.

My son too, would likely dismiss the idea of getting on here to chit chat about his problems. In his mind, I think he believes that this is "mom's" job. I could also see him referring to it as stupid... he's 12, and I don't think discussing his feelings (which he has a hard enough time with to begin with) online about issues that have been plaguing him since early childhood seems like the 'cool' thing to do...lol.

I think you've done the appropriate thing, you let him know that there's a forum of great people waiting to talk to him, and help him through situations.. right at his fingertips! I would love if my son were to sit down and take a true interest in why he feels the way he does, or even the fact that there are a lot of other kids who feel JUST like him, but at this point in his life, it just doesn't compete with neither the X-box, or the year long WWE, Smackdown, Raw (etc etc etc) obsession we've got going on here. To him, it would be like a punishment compared to dragging his mattress into the spare bedroom to pretend for hours on end that he's smacking someone down...lol.

Maybe you could mention it again when he's struggling. Sort of plant the seed. That way, he at least knows there are others who are interested in helping him.

I seem to have missed what his diagnosis is... where in Ontario are you guys?

He was diagnosed with Asperger's, during the summer. We're north of Toronto.

I agree with this, actually, though possibly from a different angle. I think that in general AS groups and so on operate more as a safety cushion for carers and parents than they actually help the kid/adult with AS.

Speaking as someone diagnosed as an adult, I can say that the one most important thing about my ability to live a relatively normal life now is (aside from my family's awesomeness) the fact I was thrown into the melting pot and forced to interact with 'normal' kids.

I knew always that I wasn't like them, but even knowing that, and even suffering because of that, I learnt how to interact socially. I now work in a busy library which has unpredictable people and events happening daily and I'm thrust into contact with a variety of individuals on a regular basis. I chose that job. I like that job. I enjoy working with people, because even now I'm learning new things about them and how best to handle them.

If you put your kid around other AS kids, what is your kid going to learn first and foremost?

Aside from the fact he's 'different' and should be singled out, he'll learn to be more Aspie.

I don't think it's wrong to be Aspie, or to mix with Aspie kids. But it's more important for the kid to get to grips with real life/society as soon as he possibly can. He has a much harder path to follow than most kids do so the earlier he begins it the better.

It's kinda cold to say it but...its a cruel to be kind situation. The more you protect an Aspie kid now, the harder it will be for that Aspie kid to live normally in the future. Aspie brains don't work like other people's brains, generally. Their first thought is not enforced social contact or mutual emotional support with other people who are 'the same' as they are.

Online forums are true different from real life encounters but even so...there's nothing wrong with the kid, and encouraging him at a difficult age to join this or that forum or support group or whatever else just highlights in his mind that something is. Aspies tend to take very little things, brood on them and turn them into much bigger issues - you might create more of a problem and more stress/discomfort for him by trying to help him than you would leaving him to come to that decision on his own.

I don't think I agree with that. It may vary by child but what most of us, as parents, have seen are 3 steps back for each step forward if you throw AS kids into situations they aren't ready for. They freak out, withdraw, or give up. They can develop this primal negative reaction to even the lightest versions of the situation when they encounter it again. That can take years to work through. If, instead, you hold back as a parent, and only nudge when you see signs your child is probably ready, then they flourish. My AS is like every other kid in the sense that he is driven to grow up and mature, and will do that on his own as long as life doesn't get in the way. When you just throw someone in, while there is always a chance they were actually ready for it, there is a bigger chance, it seems, that they were not, and will resent everyone around them for being forced into it. It is a very careful balance to be walked. Protect, but not hold back.

My son IS moving himself into more and more complex situations every year. He is driven to do that just like every other kid is, even if it all is much much harder for him. The path is slower, and more cautious, but it still is there. I think a lot of his willingess to take things head on like that comes from the safety he feels, from the protection and shelter we've provided. And he feels so much more pride because it all is HIS choice.

Lots of nudges. Never a push.

You sound like you're being very pushy. He doens't want to post there, don't make him.

Like someone said, he knows its there. That door is open to him if he chooses to pursue it.