I just shut down..

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My partner/boss is in the habit of giving out orders...cause he is the boss...but there are some things I just can't do...especially when he gives me multiple orders at once....I just shut down..I need help...I am horrible if I ever have to call someone on the phone..like a company....

Right now he keeps demanding that I configure our Fed Ex account...and when I try to do it, I just get frozen. It is in his ex-partner's name...We were using it till we had to close our office and shut down that computer...Fed Ex is configured on the other computer....He wants me to configure it on our regular computer...but since Fed Ex is in her name...I would have to use her name to configure it right...though he told me not to..if I can help it...That is the detail I am frozen on...

I keep telling him I need help and that I need him to go over it with me...instead he just keeps telling me over and over again to do it....Why can't he do it...I know he is busy, but so am i, and I am also really really bad at stuff like that....Now he says I should set up a whole new Fed Ex account...and I am in the middle of doing this other stuff...he is in the middle of moving the office...and I am refusing to do it...I need help...I am frozen....

And while I am doing one thing he comes to me with another thing...or starts rambling on about something else...like the car registration...

I can get really irate...and a lot of that is anger at myself...my head is like an old slow computer riddled with viruses....

I don't know what to do....

I was completely avoidant of checking the office phone messages for 2 day...because I was scared.

I am so lame....

The only reason he keeps me around is because he doesn't have to pay me....I know that isn't true...but I pity him...A monkey could do a better job at helping him run his businesses....

I am also incredibly incredibly slow...and every little distraction make me even slower...i have to re-check my work over and over again....

But sure you also have your strong points.

So, just tell him and make him listen to the fact that: You are incredibly good and focused at doing things at once, so please, may he allow you to concentrate at the important ones? Let you do the things correctly? Meanwhile, he could do the others.

Hopefully it will help you.

Another habit I have is of hanging up on him mid-phone conversation. I know it is really rude...it sorta happens impulsively...at the slightest hint of (often perceived) patronizing or sarcasm, click goes the receiver...I have the worst time trying to talk to him on the phone without getting upset...Whenever he calls...I go into stress mode in the anticipation of stress..or of delegation mutiple tasks he wants me to do.
I go through periods when I can only talk to him in the worst tone of voice. I don't want to be that way, but I am bad at controlling it.

I sometimes think he was insane for choosing such an inept person as myself for a partner.

Tomorrow we are supposed to go on a sailboat race..and I freaked out on him because we have been too busy to talk much about it and are completely unprepared.,I only just realized that we are supposed to leave at 6a.m. tomorrow morning.
I am paralyzed at the thought of having to prepare for this thing (that I didn't want to go on in the first place..and told him so repeatedly..as I know nothing about sailboats...will just be dead weight and a liability..His parents don't think much of me, and most likely don't want me on the boat, but they have to have a crew of 4 and i am signed up for it despite my numerous protests.

It is supposed to rain the whole weekend...so a weekend out at sea on a sailboat in the rain and there are only two aboard who know how to sail.

The only thing I am good and focused on is stuff pertaining to my interests...otherwise I am a scattered mess. Everything we do is a big chaotic jumble...and I am overwhelmed with everything and end up doing nothing.
My strong points are music..and art...not running businesses.

As far as social obligations go, maybe you should try just saying "No, I don't want to do that" every time he asks you to do something or go somewhere you don't want to. Otherwise, you are being held hostage. Living the life someone else want's you to live instead of the life you want to live. Living that way can put you in a serious chronic depression. Think of the freedom that saying no would bring you. It would also eliminate the resentment you are feeling towards him which is coming out sideways and making you someone you don't want to be. What's the worse that can happen if you start holding your ground and politely saying no to things you don't want to do? Will he replace you for someone who will be more obliging? I know it's hard, but standing up for yourself in these cases earns you respect and is so liberating.

As far as the responsibilities that come with being a business partner, I can understand that he needs your help and expects you to share the work load. But I can also understand that certain things, like the telephone work, cause you too much stress and make you feel like a failure. Ask him to set aside some time to do the telephone work himself, and find some other responsibilities for you to do that you are good at. And in exchange, maybe you could do something that he is currently doing but doesn't like doing. Things are probably not quite as bad as they seem. Everything always seems so much worse when you are overwhelmed and stressed out. Good luck. Hope you find a way to resolve these problems and snap out of your funk.

I do say no....over and over again....I have been saying no about the boat race from the start.

Not very good at asserting myself....I am more-or-less like a little kid in a lot of ways...and I get treated like a little kid.

He thinks he knows whats best for me.

We have had a lot of issues over the years that have resulted in my lashing out because I have felt like I had no control...I had a nervous breakdown and ran away for 6 months a couple years ago...Then, there have been a lot of less severe meltdowns...and my frequent bouts of hostility and depression....but things weren't necc. better when I was living alone and with less responsibility.
After I ran away, I still struggled with depression and social issues, and I could not find a job for the life of me...

Maybe..I am so incompetent that maybe I don't deserve control.

Maybe I am a selfish unempathetic person unable to be satisfied with what a good thing I have.

I am one of his collection of neuro-eccentric oddballs...he scooped me up when I was working odd jobs and living in a tiny rooming house room and now I (puppet)own an internet business and help run this gigantic art space...what person would not want that....?(compared to what I was doing before)

A lot of it has been too much for me...I have had a non-stop struggle with the housework and the organizing of things and the social obligations....I have meltdowns and panic attacks....I am forgetful...I can't drive...

He was diagnosed as having a "dependent" personality....so this might make him prone to being attracted to people who have more difficulty asserting their personal autonomy.

He's not a bad person...we have done good stuff with our businesses.

I just can't stop feeling bad.....Constantly disappointed in my inability to do the impossible...I try to do the best I can. Lately focusing has been really really hard and things are turning upside down because we are moving out of our business office...There is an unending ocean of dissarray for me to contend with...on top of the other obligatons and I am stressed because I have little help and little control over that....

This was somewhat resolved in that we have an open relationship...technically he could (and does) have someone more obliging for some things. It takes some of the stress off my shoulders...and I have my other friend, with whom I have a more autonomous relationship...

He is very resistant to the notion of replacing me...he collects people...

(((((((((Poopy))))))))) I think you're going to be okay. Really. This too will pass. I get down in the dumps myself sometimes and think everything is much worse than it is and it's never going to get better. But it does get better and then I realize that I was stuck in some kind of bleak, funky rut and wasn't seeing things straight. Take some Emergence-C if you have it (or vitamin C) and try to get a good night's sleep. Not saying you don't have some issues to work out, but they can wait till morning.

That's odd. I never heard of anyone who collected people. If he gives orders to everyone he collects like he gives orders to you it sounds like he is a puppet master. Truthfully, it doesn't sound like a good position to be in. But, to each her own. Hope you feel better soon.

Actually, that's not all bad - depending on the size of the boat and wind strength, they will need to move people from here to there to balance the forces acting on the boat.

See if anyone will have or can get some Dramamine or something to deal with motion sickness if need be.
(uh-oh, didn't just give her another thing to worry about, did I?)

The dramamine worked wonders...I would get sea sick from going down into the cabin.

I am feeling better...I have been functional while on this trip.

Sounds very similar to the problems I've had at work.....always being expected to somehow make sense of incomplete, inadequate instructions. Exactly the same thing happens in the music club I'm helping to run - people are so vague!

Solutions? That's more difficult. In my case I've disclosed my AS diagnosis and it looks as though they've taken the point and will now just give me specific, well-defined tasks to perform. If they prove unable to do that, I'll probably leave, and possibly go for a disability discrimination lawsuit (there are a couple of successful test cases here in the UK).

Before getting the DX, I was wondering what to do if it turned out negative. All I could think of was to just admit what I couldn't do, and wait to see whether or not they had the nerve to fly in the face of cold logic. It might have worked for me that way, but I wasn't relishing the thought if that approach.......I hate saying no to people (except telemarketers), and I hate making a mess of a job, and tend to feel it's all my fault if it goes wrong, even when the instructions are hopelessly flawed.

I do this, too, then when my bf mentions that I sound angry or something, I will blurt out "what do you expect if someone is frustrated when you call to begin with? If they are angry, they aren't going to magically be thrilled to death with talking to you are they? No, they are going to be angry no matter who they are talking to" then I hang up...

It feels like everyone wants to say I'm the one who lacks common sense, but they sure as heck show lacking it in soooo many ways, and I just cannot keep my mouth shut about it. It's worse when I'm stressed out or sick, unfortunately that is the majority of the time lately.

If you figure out a way around doing this... let me know, because I do it quite a bit as well.