Single for to long(might be long)

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siLent_insanity
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02 Oct 2009, 12:43 am

and starting to feel hopeless.. its been a year and 5 months with nothing.. as in nothing not even any prospects.. i mean i do see a number of birds i fancy.. but i am really shy and assume that their not interested at all.. i fancied this girl for well over a year but never had the guts to talk to her.. I mainly scared to get rejected or hurt... i was in a three year relationship which reached its end becasue of deception.. (Sleplt with 2 of my friends on the same night) so that really gets wary when it comes to females.. And its starting to take its toll on my emotions.. i feel repulsive... all my friends have long term gf's or hook up left and right.. anyone get what im trying to say? or feeling the same way? i mean.. cupid mate, shoot me with a bloody arrow mofuka....



ToadOfSteel
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02 Oct 2009, 6:24 am

Try 8 years, with a 100% failure rate... then you'll know what it's like to be alone...



Hector
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02 Oct 2009, 6:55 am

I'd throw out the old "well, I've had no relationships ever, and not for the lack of wanting one" but since I don't have a taste of them, I don't know what I have to yearn for so it may not be the same feeling as someone who was in a relationship and then had a long period without one. One year and five months really doesn't seem so long, though. Many people have dry spells lasting for several years, never mind those of us who are 20/25/30/40+ year-old virgins.



PlatedDrake
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02 Oct 2009, 6:58 am

Its one of those things, "Nothing in life is guaranteed" yet still some people live by, "There is someone for everyone." Ive tried to date three times, two were no-gos, the other was a mutual decision that it wouldnt work because we viewed ourselves as too much alike. Those attempts were in High School and early college (a little over 10 years ago). Doubt i can say anything to up your spirits. I live by, "If it happens, so be it." I dont go looking for something i dont believe can be found . . . if it happens, it happens, and hopefully it will be a good surprise. If not . . . aw well, its hell being alone, but its even worse living with false hopes imo.



Aspiewordsmith
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02 Oct 2009, 8:19 am

I have spent most of my lif on my own and I have been betrayed by 2 women within 12 years by lying about me. That is a lot of betrayal so I have spent a lot of time on my own. Before that I had someone who was a bit older than me but we were not suited. She was the first that I went out with and I was 22 at the time.

My life in this area has not been successful at all and I have been a late starter. When I was in my adolescence I was not even in the position to meet people only surrounded by neurotypicals who would not be seen dead going with an aspie. There is someone I like now who has AS but since I am no predator I will not ask her and there could always be some interfering selfish bastard who would like to ruin any of my 'chances' If I had any.:arrow:



DeadFire87
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02 Oct 2009, 10:24 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Try 8 years, with a 100% failure rate... then you'll know what it's like to be alone...

9+ years for me. I guess its nothing to brag about though. I have never really had anyone with an interest in me. When they do I somehow mess it up or they feel rejected by my behavior. I count at least 3-6 girls that have been this way. I feel so bad about each one though. Wish there was a way to rewind things. I feel like I could do so much better with a second chance. I wish I knew what it felt like to be touched by someone else.

Wether you lose hope or not it will come back to you at some point. To me hope comes in every now and then and my mood jumps up and I feel better and try to talk to more people then it dies down again when none of them talk to me.

I know too what it is like to see friends being so happy and meeting new people and dating while I just sit alone as well. Mostly it is only my classmates that would add me as a friend on facebook or something, but it does hurt sometimes seeing them so happy while I sit in a dark corner.

Have you tried the free dating site ring? okcupid.com, Mingle2.com, plentyoffish.com, and others. Can find some people to talk to on those maybe.



Shebakoby
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02 Oct 2009, 5:01 pm

Well...if puberty counts as the starting point (14 for me), I've been 'alone' for.......geez a long freaking time. 22 years.



oppositedirection
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03 Oct 2009, 5:07 pm

siLent_insanity wrote:
i mean i do see a number of birds i fancy..
Probably not so minor point, but I've never met a woman who didn't feel like vomiting were she refered to as a 'bird'. If you're up against it, possibly something to work on.


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Merle
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03 Oct 2009, 11:33 pm

"its been a year and 5 months"
"Try 8 years, with a 100% failure rate"
"9+ years for me"

It really matters how old you are and what your prior relationship was.

If you're 18 and going w/o for a year and a half, you have nothing to worry about. If you're 26 and haven't had a relationship in 8 year's, I'd start to worry but not unduly.

Have you had a prior relationship? Is the currently dry spell less than one-half of the duration of that relationship? If you answer yes, then you have NOTHING to worry about. If it's up to 2x then I'd consider it normal.

If you haven't had a prior relationship, I assume you do not know what you're missing out on and do not know the pain of loss.



Shebakoby
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04 Oct 2009, 12:14 am

Merle wrote:
"its been a year and 5 months"
"Try 8 years, with a 100% failure rate"
"9+ years for me"

It really matters how old you are and what your prior relationship was.

If you're 18 and going w/o for a year and a half, you have nothing to worry about. If you're 26 and haven't had a relationship in 8 year's, I'd start to worry but not unduly.

Have you had a prior relationship? Is the currently dry spell less than one-half of the duration of that relationship? If you answer yes, then you have NOTHING to worry about. If it's up to 2x then I'd consider it normal.

If you haven't had a prior relationship, I assume you do not know what you're missing out on and do not know the pain of loss.


I've been told that not having had any prior relationship can be seen by prospective partners as a sort of 'baggage' that will impede the ability of the other person to accept. As in "never had a bf/gf, what's WRONG with that person?" (as in they assume there must be a reason for it that indicates that the person is highly undesirable).



Merle
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04 Oct 2009, 12:41 am

Shebakoby wrote:
Merle wrote:
"its been a year and 5 months"
"Try 8 years, with a 100% failure rate"
"9+ years for me"

It really matters how old you are and what your prior relationship was.

If you're 18 and going w/o for a year and a half, you have nothing to worry about. If you're 26 and haven't had a relationship in 8 year's, I'd start to worry but not unduly.

Have you had a prior relationship? Is the currently dry spell less than one-half of the duration of that relationship? If you answer yes, then you have NOTHING to worry about. If it's up to 2x then I'd consider it normal.

If you haven't had a prior relationship, I assume you do not know what you're missing out on and do not know the pain of loss.


I've been told that not having had any prior relationship can be seen by prospective partners as a sort of 'baggage' that will impede the ability of the other person to accept. As in "never had a bf/gf, what's WRONG with that person?" (as in they assume there must be a reason for it that indicates that the person is highly undesirable).


Speaking strictly for myself and as a guy -- it would not bother me one bit if there was a girl I was attracted to, and then discovered she never had a bf.

My reasons never included the plethora nor lack of prior partners.



Shebakoby
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04 Oct 2009, 1:51 am

Merle wrote:
Shebakoby wrote:
Merle wrote:
"its been a year and 5 months"
"Try 8 years, with a 100% failure rate"
"9+ years for me"

It really matters how old you are and what your prior relationship was.

If you're 18 and going w/o for a year and a half, you have nothing to worry about. If you're 26 and haven't had a relationship in 8 year's, I'd start to worry but not unduly.

Have you had a prior relationship? Is the currently dry spell less than one-half of the duration of that relationship? If you answer yes, then you have NOTHING to worry about. If it's up to 2x then I'd consider it normal.

If you haven't had a prior relationship, I assume you do not know what you're missing out on and do not know the pain of loss.


I've been told that not having had any prior relationship can be seen by prospective partners as a sort of 'baggage' that will impede the ability of the other person to accept. As in "never had a bf/gf, what's WRONG with that person?" (as in they assume there must be a reason for it that indicates that the person is highly undesirable).


Speaking strictly for myself and as a guy -- it would not bother me one bit if there was a girl I was attracted to, and then discovered she never had a bf.

My reasons never included the plethora nor lack of prior partners.


I guess you figure the 'right' person never came along for her before, eh?



Merle
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04 Oct 2009, 2:02 am

Shebakoby wrote:
Merle wrote:
Shebakoby wrote:
Merle wrote:
"its been a year and 5 months"
"Try 8 years, with a 100% failure rate"
"9+ years for me"

It really matters how old you are and what your prior relationship was.

If you're 18 and going w/o for a year and a half, you have nothing to worry about. If you're 26 and haven't had a relationship in 8 year's, I'd start to worry but not unduly.

Have you had a prior relationship? Is the currently dry spell less than one-half of the duration of that relationship? If you answer yes, then you have NOTHING to worry about. If it's up to 2x then I'd consider it normal.

If you haven't had a prior relationship, I assume you do not know what you're missing out on and do not know the pain of loss.


I've been told that not having had any prior relationship can be seen by prospective partners as a sort of 'baggage' that will impede the ability of the other person to accept. As in "never had a bf/gf, what's WRONG with that person?" (as in they assume there must be a reason for it that indicates that the person is highly undesirable).


Speaking strictly for myself and as a guy -- it would not bother me one bit if there was a girl I was attracted to, and then discovered she never had a bf.

My reasons never included the plethora nor lack of prior partners.


I guess you figure the 'right' person never came along for her before, eh?


Hmmm. Different women had different reasons, but I basically I believe you're right. I am in it trying to determine if she's right for me and assume the reverse to be true. None of my prior GF's had their BF's die, so I would assume there's a piece of truth to the "right person never came along for her before" portion.