Socially awkward

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So heres a "for instance". I was at work today talking with a co-worker, it was slow so we were making small talk (which i dread) and i noticed that at all times i was judging myself and trying to make myself funnier/ more likeable, which in turn made me more awkward and boring to her.

This is nothing new, I believe I have a mix of aspergers/borderline personality/social anxiety (if we must differentiate so much...)

I also have always been better at making small talk with girls than guys. I think might have to do with the fact that i grew up with a single mother, and never really got along with my dad (nothing serious, were just very different). I have even questioned my sexuality at times because of my extreme anxiety about talking, and relating to guys, Im not gay though. I think it might have to do with an "acceptance" thing because of my unrelateable (yep, made that one up) relationship with my dad... whatever.

I still have anxiety when talking to girls, and hitting on them/reading their "come-ons" is nigh impossible for me. But I have noticed that if i am hanging out with girls, and then other guys come around, i get more anxiety ridden.

Just thought id bring this up because it is a rather strange form of social awkwardness imo.

I'm really not too sure how strange it is to be honest.

I get along with males MUCH better than females in RL... I think because I have way more "behind the scenes" stuff I know about them (well, the ones I've met) than I do about males. See, in locker rooms, in restrooms, in the hallways, etc. all the way through school starting in elementary school it wasn't exactly pleasant to listen to or attempt to deal with some of these girls.

I never shared their interests, could never get into the competitiveness about appearance and whatnot, hardly paid attention to the mirror rather than putting on make-up every single time passing one, gossiping about people all day long, etc.

I know, it is very very broad, and I'm not generalizing all women, as I have met a few here and there that I do get along with from time to time, but even that doesn't tend to last long. But that is the idea of what a lot of them were like based on how it was when I was crammed into a building with the same ones over and over growing up, lol.

I just don't get into the same things and do much better talking with guys. Probably because I don't see that side of what goes on "behind the scenes", and even if I did, it might not effect me nearly as much as what I have learned through my experiences.

I suppose, in a weird way, because of all of this that I've noticed, even from female friends, is a lot of them spend a lot of time sizing themselves up against one another in different areas. Sure there are the areas that none of them seem to really care much about, but I just don't like that feeling of uncertainty when dealing with them. I'm much more comfortable when talking to guys because they usually don't feel a need to compete with me or criticize for this or that, or try to "dress me up" and "make me look nice", or any of that junk... and I don't have to walk into a restroom and hear them doing it to each other either, lol.

As I said, it of course doesn't go for all women.

I do the same kind of constant judging of myself while talking to others. That's why I don't like talking to people. Because not only do I hate others judging me, I'm even worse on myself than they are. The result is it just makes me more awkard and unlikeable to other people, like you said. I'm also the same as you where I can much more easily talk to girls. However, this is sort of socially accepted because I'm a gay man. Talking to guys in general is hard, talking to gay guys is harder, talking to a gay guy I find attractive is nearly impossible.

"I have a mix of aspergers/borderline personality/social anxiety "

What would you base the borderline aspect on?

I am usually more comfortable in the company of men. Most of my "friends" are women though and it is usually awkward for me because they are always trying to get me to be more girly. I have always been a tomboy, I don't see that changing anytime soon.

Its usually just easier with guys, we tend to share more similar interests. I am even more comfortable in the company of gay men because then I don't even have to worry about the possibilty of more social awkwardness involved with attraction.

Thanks for all the replies!

I have a very weak sense of self which leads to major dissociation. I think in that black/white way and i have unstable moods and relationships. Thats basically the diagnoses for BPD which i think creates most of my anxiety. To me all of these different disorders are very closely related so i try not to get very technical. I dont really buy into a lot of psychology or its way of grouping and differentiating disorders.