Parent and spouse of possible Asperger's people

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valmommyt
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08 Oct 2009, 9:45 am

Sorry, I know that looks really clunky, but don't know how to word it better. I have a very bright 2 and 1/2 yr old son who only just started talking. Instead of mommy or daddy, he counts, in English and in Spanish. He knows all the colors. We didn't teach him any of this, probably got it from Dora. He loves TV and when he's upset, sometimes it's the only thing that calms him down. He never maintains eye contact with any one. He will let me hold him, and he is very attached to me and my oldest son, but wants NOTHING to do with his father.

As time as gone on, my husband (his father) has come to the realization he has many of the attributes of Asperger/Autism. He says he feels all alone in the world, and that there is no one who supports or loves him other than me, and that I don't understand his compulsions. He is incredibly brilliant, and masks his symptoms so well, I honestly didn't know how bad it was.

I don't know what to do with him. We have a speech therapist who comes in once a week to help with our son. He failed the Autism test (or passed it, depending on how you look at it), and she is trying to help with that as well. But my husband refuses to do anything, and says I need to be more understanding.

The problem with THAT is, I'm adult ADHD, recovering from many years of self medicating, and I feel like I'm barely hanging on by fingertips, and don't always have enough time to put up (my words) with all of his rituals. This makes me feel like the worst wife in the world!

Oh, and we have 3 other sons with no symptoms at all, so I'm sure they feel like THEY are raising the family, not us, especially my oldest, who is 12.

I don't even know if I'm posting this in the right place, please forgive me if I have. I want to help him, but I don't even know where to begin, especially since he refuses to talk to anyone but me.

Thanks.
Valmommy



Zsazsa
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08 Oct 2009, 1:05 pm

The BEST thing you can do is to educate yourself. Start by reading the books by Dr. Tony Attwood, a well-respected and leading
authority on Asperger's Syndrome. You can purchase the books, if you prefer, but these books should be easily obtained through
your local library. These books will assist you in helping your children as well as your husband.

For a listing of titles by Dr. Tony Attwood...there are so many...check under the BOOK caption in the upper left hand corner on the Wrong Planet website.

Best of luck to you!



valmommyt
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08 Oct 2009, 1:49 pm

Thank you so much for the info! I'm feeling very overwhelmed by all of this, I needed a concrete place to start! I'll go reserve his book at my library right away!! !



fiddlerpianist
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08 Oct 2009, 6:45 pm

I agree that education is one of the best things that you can do. Don't be scared (if you are), because there are so many resources out there now and so much support if you know where to look for it... much more so than when we were smaller and much less was known about Asperger Syndrome.

The most important thing you can do for your son is to listen to him, try to understand and anticipate his needs, and support and nurture him growing up into adulthood. It sounds so simple, and it's what any parent would want for their children. So of course there will be challenges, possibly major ones, but you always need to make the best decisions at the time you need to make them in support of that goal. Don't let any professional tell you that you must do so-and-so therapy if you don't agree with it or don't think it's in your son's best interests.

Welcome to Wrong Planet, by the way!


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valmommyt
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08 Oct 2009, 7:14 pm

Thanks for the welcome! I'm also deeply concerned for my hubby. I think he feels he is all alone, and there is no one else like him out there. I've told him about this site, but he just shakes his head at me.



CerebralDreamer
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08 Oct 2009, 8:59 pm

I understand how your husband feels, more than most people. I'm sure there are plenty of people here who feel the same way. I will say that you should encourage your son's special interests.

Also, never underestimate your kid's intelligence. Never assume he can't learn something. I think it's better to try and teach a kid something, only to be disappointed, than to not make an attempt when they were more than capable. Kids have learned to read and do math at very young ages, far younger than people would consider possible, but those parents had patience and faulted on the side of overestimating intelligence, instead of assuming their children were too young to learn.



valmommyt
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12 Oct 2009, 8:57 am

Oh, my son is brilliant, that was one of the markers, to tell you the truth. He went from not talking at all to recognizing and reading numbers up to 20 in English, no matter what order they are in, counting out loud to 10 in Spanish, knowing every color there is, but, he doesn't know who mommy, daddy, Bobby (his name), anything like that. He doesn't come when you call him. He will play for hours moving things around on the refrigerator, and will watch Dora the Explorer until you turn off the tv. We are working on improving eye contact, and I confess, if I ever hear him say "I love you, Mommy", it will be a great day. Even if he never says it, I know he DOES love me!

Realizing hubby has AS as well really explains a lot of things about him. The hardest part is learning and maintaining his routines - I personally HATE routines, but trying to do it to make him happy.

I'm so thankful to have a forum to talk to people about this. My mother refuses to believe there is anything different about my son, and she would lose her mind if she knew anything about my husband!