Persecution complex

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Apparently mine is ruining my life.

Here is the question though: how can we get rid of our persecution complexes when it seems like everything we say and do is persecuted? After a lifetime of being mocked, harassed, mobbed, slandered, and attacked for our unintentional inability to "act in an appropriate manner" and our unintentional ability to "make people around us uncomfortable" how are we supposed to get over our persecution complexes? How can we not be paranoid after what we've gone through? No wonder so many introverts exist on the spectrum.

I asked exactly the same question and after much research, decided that I need to work with professionals who have a lot of experience with Asperger's - okay, that much is obvious. But what do I want them to do for me? I've decided I need CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). I was afraid that yet another idiot would try to convince me that the persecution wasn't really happening, but then I found out that they've come far enough in their research - and experience - to know what happens to us.

So I got the diagnosis, then the referral, then the next referral, and that's where I am now. Lots of waiting lists but like any journey, the sooner you start the sooner you'll arrive.

In the meantime, for me - hang out here at WP, that helps *a lot*. I take meds and wish I didn't but there's no point trying to pretend the problem isn't there.

Does any of this ring any bells with you?

I'm never rightly sure if it is just a complex or if I genuinely am being persecuted. My ex-flatmate, who I've mentioned several times, was definitely the latter - but I've had a lot of problems with bullying and such in life, especially during my school years, during a spectacularly unsuccessful attempt at university (though I got through eventually by a different route), and in certain jobs.

It would be nice to be slightly less paranoid about people, though. I know I misread cues quite badly - taking as hostile things which were meant to be light-hearted, for example.

I saw my doctor a couple of weeks ago and he's going to make a few calls on my behalf. I had CBT offered once before, but there was a three year waiting list and I just couldn't wait that long - and I've moved a few times since. Maybe that'll come up this time.

About waiting lists - I never hesitate to put my name down. They won't mind if they can't find me 3 years from now, or if I've changed my mind, y'know?

First find out exactly why others treat you in such a way that you feel you're being persecuted. These things don't happen without a reason. You've already identified the reasons though, your 'unintentional inability to "act in an appropriate manner"' and your 'unintentional ability to "make people around us uncomfortable"'. Find out what is appropriate behaviour in a given social situation (there are loads of books about this) and find out what kind of behaviour makes people comfortable and unconfortable (body language books will be handy for this) and compare your own behaviour to what you find.

Once you've done that you'll realise that you're not actually being persecuted and that there's perfectly good reasons (in their mind at least) why people treat you the way they do. You also have to realise it's not your fault that you act this way, you're not a horrible person or anything you just don't know what it is you're doing that makes people react so negatively. The good news is it's pretty easy to find out. The bad news is it takes a bit of work to overcome the negative behaviour so you have to decide wether it's worth it for you as a person. If you're life is being ruined and you're not happy about that I'd say it's probably worth it on balance.

CBT is great for handling negative thoughts but it's no cure for social problems apart from anxiety. The most important thing is to realise the relation between cause and effect and take control, you don't need proffessionals to help you do that. Taking responsibilty is a massive step but it's one you need to take if you want to progress from where you are.

Btw, doing all this before you loose all your friends is really the best idea, wish i'd done it.

I thought this *was* cognitive behavioural therapy. You mean they won't teach me how to behave in an appropriate manner so as not to upset the neighbours, the librarian, the store clerk?

I don't think so no, I've only read a general book on the subject never actually been in CBT therapy. If it's an AS specialised therapy i'd think/hope it would include some social skills. CBT is about recognising negative thought patterns and trying to stop them before they happen.

It would be great if there was a therapy about what I was saying directed towards aspies but I've not encountered it yet. Would love to though.

Btw don't let that put you off doing the CBT, reading that book is the reason I'm alive and (almost) not crazy today.

Oh, I did put my name down. But at the time my need was incredibly urgent - the mental health equivalent of Captain Kirk calling down to the engine room and saying "Scotty, I need warp speed in three minutes or we're all dead!" - and I ended up being medicated for a year instead, because in the opinion of my doctor it was the only way to stabilise me and keep me together long enough to do what I had to do.

It's not so much that they won't be able to find me, it's that every move (three from then to now) puts me to the back of the list. And in two of those moves I had absolutely no choice in the matter as to when or where I went. (There was no coercion involved - it was merely circumstances, in order to take up a job, and then to escape someone who genuinely was persecuting me)

Anyone know where I can find someone (AS friendly) who does CBT in Santa Cruz?

I googled and found this

Hope Services

There must be others too. You sound kinda down, would you be able to phone them just for information?

I'm a little down but I'm nothing close to suicidal. Just trying to get my life together. Would they be able to refer me to someone who does CBT in Santa Cruz? If so I will call them tomorrow. Thank you.

From looking at it, I thought they are in Santa Cruz, but maybe I'm wrong. The thing is, they'll tell you *something* useful, I think. Let us know how you go.

The way I see it, there are, roughly, 3 types of people, as far as this goes. Those who do persecute, harrass, mock, etc, us. (I mean us individually, as in, a person like this mocking an aspie or aspie-ish person he/she encounters.) Those who aren't interested in friendship, or who don't understand, and don't try to, but don't actively try to make trouble for us. And those who are caring, and really do try to understand.

I tend to think most people are in the middle group. But, if we haven't much encountered people in the last group, the caring group, but we have encountered those in the persecuting group, and have encountered difficulties getting along with the indifferent group (the middle group), well, feeling persecuted isn't surprising.

Seems to me one may feel less persecuted by recognizing the difference between the persecuters, and the indifferent.

And, maybe recognizing that, and meeting that group that I'm calling "indifferent" in the middle, and being willing to socialize with them on occasion, will open one up to finding those folks who really do care, and try to understand.

We're all a little down - heck, I'm going through a regular rough patch. I'm on totally the wrong continent to offer referrals, but I'l all up for a little mutual support if that'll help.

ask the Jews, they'd prolly know exactly what you mean
J/K

Depends on how widely you define persecution. If you feel people are after you, specifically, it may help to think of most negative reactions like spam. When you go on the internet, someone is after you, but not after you personally. They are just after anyone to exploit, not after you personally. Most negative reactions to aspies are not personal in the same way. Most of the negative reactions you get are not even intentional spam.

Or perhaps you have become sensitive to negative reactions in general, the way people of ethnic minorities can become sensitive to racism because they have experienced so much of it. That biases their interpretation first of ambiguous situations. That bias makes prejudice seem even more common than it really is, and biases their interpretation some more. That is a destructive spiral. Do you think you are on your way to doing that?

I'm not sure what to do in that case. I would try to make a conscious correction for my bias, until the correction becomes automatic. That should also help reduce the incidence of negative reactions, because some proportion of those are self-fulfilling prophecies. Assume that people's reactions are negative, respond in kind, and you get more negative reactions than you would otherwise.

Not all reactions are like that. Some of the trouble comes from most people either misinterpreting aspies or not feeling comfortable in their company.

I once saw a post on WP recommending acting classes. Apparently learning how to express emotions makes you more aware of how others express them. Armed with that skill you can then learn not to trigger negative reactions. That's the theory. I haven't tried it myself.

That is all severely unprofessional advice. A competent professional should be able to do a lot better.


That reminded me of something I read recently on some science site. Can't remember where, but Wikipedia comes to the rescue: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_dominance_orientation. The social climbers get off on dominating others, and aspies are generally easy targets. You'd have more of those people after you than the average person.