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DarkBBastion
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13 Oct 2009, 5:49 pm

Everyday, I think about how if I only could have been born like everybody else, without this burden. It's not fair. Because of aspergers, nobody really likes me, nobody is my friend. I don't play any sports or instruments or anything, because I have no talents.

Nobody in my life understands my position, and nobody cares to, or listens to me. I feel like people are playing a cruel joke with me and my life, driving me to frustration and apathy.

I feel like I can never love another human being, and I can't trust anybody. Life isn't fair, and I don't believe in god. I think of all the bad things that happen in the world, and try to man up, but it stull hurts, and I can't help but a feel like I'm dying inside.

I hate life.



raisedbyignorance
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13 Oct 2009, 6:04 pm

Before the other aspies on here bombard your thread with things such as "I love having Aspergers" or "You shouldnt say that about Aspergers" or "Aspergers is what makes me unique", I just want to say as an aspie I definitly relate.

There are some people whose lives have been so difficult that it's hard for them to find the positive in having this condition. And I'm one of those people so I can definitly understand what you're going through cuz I'm going through it myself.

Hang in there.



DarkBBastion
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13 Oct 2009, 6:15 pm

Positive? There is no positive about this stupid condition. It's made my life crap.

How can anybody love having this? Did they convince themselves that this is not a bad thing to have? It's not bad? IT IS THAT BAD. It's tarnished myl if,e which could have been productive, and I could've been somebody. But, no. I have Aspergers. Thanks a lot, life.



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13 Oct 2009, 6:25 pm

I think you are just using Aspergers to blame for your failings. There is nothing about it that would not let you learn a talent or make friends. Perhaps you have internalized NT expectations. I used to do that too, but I realized it's lame.



sanchasmcdude
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13 Oct 2009, 6:25 pm

i agree sometimes i wish i was "normal" but overall i would rather be aspie. it defines who i am. i wouldent be me without it.



DarkBBastion
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13 Oct 2009, 6:34 pm

AspE wrote:
I think you are just using Aspergers to blame for your failings. There is nothing about it that would not let you learn a talent or make friends. Perhaps you have internalized NT expectations. I used to do that too, but I realized it's lame.


First of all, you don't "learn" talent. And not everything wrong with my life is attributed to aspergers, but most of it is. I have narrow interests, and I just don't wanna play sports, which people bug me about. And second of all, no, It's not my fault that I don't have a half decent social life. It's Aspergers. Don't tell me what I failed at when you don't know me.

There's no good reason to be an aspie. I'd rather just be a sheep.

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13 Oct 2009, 7:07 pm

Asperger's preventing you from having talents? Really? I find new things that I just happen to be very good at all the time! I think that your problem's something else, like a personality issue. If you're likable, then people will want to be your friend.

Don't abuse the label. Saying, "I can't make friends because I have Asperger's." is like saying, "I can't play golf because I'm Jewish.".



Francis
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13 Oct 2009, 8:40 pm

DarkBBastion,
I can relate to what you are saying and I do not think you are wrong in blaming your AS.


Quote:
If you're likable, then people will want to be your friend.

I am glad this works for you. But it doesn't work for everyone. It's a spectrum, everyone is different. The problem with your above statement, at least for me, is that I can't be around people long enough for them to determine if I'm likable. I can only take about 5 minutes around people I don't know in a social situation, then the quiet turns so loud in my head, I have to leave the room or resort to screaming.

Quote:
Don't abuse the label. Saying, "I can't make friends because I have Asperger's."


What else should I blame the above on?



X_Parasite
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13 Oct 2009, 9:04 pm

Is having something to blame things on really that important? The Holocaust is making so much more sense now...

Also, screaming? Not a good idea... That would seem to escalate the situation; suddenly, all eyes are on you.



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13 Oct 2009, 9:07 pm

Sometimes I wish I were NT. It'd be simpler. There are certain things I wouldn't have screwed up. Things I regret all the time. Sometimes I imagine my life as an NT.
If I'm at all unhappy, thinking about these things depresses the hell out of me. If I let myself dwell as often as the urge to do so appeared, I'd never get out of bed. So I distract myself.

Just try to keep busy. Maybe even with something constructive (in the end skills matter more than talent). If emotional pain is a wound, dwelling is infection.
I know it's not that easy, but you have to try and get over your sorrows.

Aspergers may inhibit you in some ways (dating and socializing mostly), but the blunt truth is you can't blame asperger's for everything. There are a lot of problems you'd still have as an NT. Probably problems you don't have as an aspie too.

It's hard to believe, but change is possible in many aspects of life. It's just really hard sometimes. Aspies can actually learn to be very social, it's been done.

Don't give up hope. You'll get over this depression.


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13 Oct 2009, 9:25 pm

DarkBBastion wrote:
Everyday, I think about how if I only could have been born like everybody else, without this burden. It's not fair. Because of aspergers, nobody really likes me, nobody is my friend. I don't play any sports or instruments or anything, because I have no talents.

Nobody in my life understands my position, and nobody cares to, or listens to me. I feel like people are playing a cruel joke with me and my life, driving me to frustration and apathy.

I feel like I can never love another human being, and I can't trust anybody. Life isn't fair, and I don't believe in god. I think of all the bad things that happen in the world, and try to man up, but it stull hurts, and I can't help but a feel like I'm dying inside.

I hate life.


what do you mean, born like everybody else? Don't you know most of the people on this site are in the very same boat you are in, that we know how you feel as only those of us with Asperger's Syndrome understand? You are not alone.


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Boomshika
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13 Oct 2009, 9:52 pm

i see NT's that graduated school with me that are married now, have kids, living out of state, making like $50,000 a year, have houses, and before i realized i was an aspie, i always compared myself to them. i'm 26, and i'm probably at the same point in my life as like a 17 or 18 year-old NT. aspergers is definitely a limitation. cuz i always think about how far along i could be in life if i didn't act/talk/think the way i do and it f^cks up my self-esteem. people i thought were my friends never come to me when i'm down cuz i don't know how to listen to them and they think all i know how to do is talk about myself. and its knid of true. but i wanna reach out to my friends. and there's like this wall there. i could never explain it correctly so its cost me some friendships and some connections. why would any aspie think asperger's is great? if i weren't an aspie, i definitely wouldn't be here on this message board pouring my heart out thru my keyboard, i'd be out living my life doing some glamorous things NT's get to do. aspergers does suck cause no matter how bad you wanna change yourself, you can't. whether people believe this condition exists or not, you can't. its hard as hell trying to have a self-esteem when you're an aspie.

and being likeable is easier said than done with asperger's. the old adage parents use when they send their children off to school goes something like: "be yourself, and you'll make friends before you know it." aspies go to school and be themselves and repel their peers, and make teachers suggest the possibility of special ed.


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14 Oct 2009, 2:58 am

life isn't fair, move on, stop dwelling ont he problem, DEAL.
that's what i did and now things are going relatively swimmingly.

it's all attitude dude, seriously. true, the attitude towards life is monumentally hard to change in reality and with any permanence, and acting on it and accomodating a new side of yourself, can be even more daunting. but i'm a walking success story. proof that you can better yourself if you get off your arse and stop feeling sorry for yourself. or not, but that some things may be worth your best try or perhaps you'll never know what could have been.

i'm not saying i'm cured, but i'm always trying, not giving up, and taking strides forward. and to some extent it's working.

if you don't think you can love anyone it may stem from you not feeling like you're worthy of love from anyone because of what you are. even i doubt that sometimes, but i dare to believe damm it, so pick your sorry self off that floor. find things to feel better about. create things to feel better about. implement change in yourself to create opportunities for things about yourself to feel better about. get yourself some self-esteem boosters. lord knows you need them you poor lost soul. it's hard, butit takes initiative, creativity, and self-honesty

i just felt like being a tough motivational speaker, sorry :oops: 8)


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14 Oct 2009, 1:11 pm

It's only a matter of opinion whether or not you even have it. If you want, you can read my essay, [url=http://www.hoge-essays.com/asperger.html[/url]Rejection and Asperger's Syndrome[/url].


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bdhkhsfgk
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14 Oct 2009, 1:14 pm

I think it's absolutely awesome.