How to not be annoying...

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Introductory explanation for those who don't know already: I am poly..I openly have two steady boyfriends..My main partner is who I live with and run businesses with...(he has another (sorta)girlfriend, and basic autonomy...he can see whoever he likes, and occasionally does)....My "other" partner is sorta a best friend with benefits...He technically has his freedom as well, but is painfully shy......and I am just somewhat better than having no girlfriend at all...(at least I hope so) With me he is loved...and looked after..and he has someone to talk to about just about everything...(including other girls)....He even has his own room at my house and is in my band...

I am kinda blue, because in the process of trying to cheer up my "other" partner, all I have succeeded in doing is piss him off...
This is me dealing with my messed up "theory of mind"...and another aspie...who is also very moody...He recently informed me that he does not like our routine conversations, where I always ask him the same questions..,I thought he did not mind them..I am not good at talking on the phone...I never know what to say..I called him last night like I always do and he was mockingly reciting the list of all the questions I always ask him...
Ok...I get it..I won't ask him anymore..
He later apologized for being mean...and I apologized for being annoying...jokingly adding the clause..that the meaner he was, the more annoying I would be....then later he stopped answering the phone...

So I guess I am just not gonna call him for a while...or something....

He has been having episodes lately where he has meltdowns at work and yells at his boss...so maybe it isn't just me...

I try to be the best friend/companion i can be to him...
Granted...it is not as good as having a "normal" full time girlfriend...but he had spent years in celibacy because he is painfully shy around girls...what few relationships he has been in were rocky at best...and we are comparatively stable..

I guess I need to back off and give him some space..I am annoyed with myself for pissing him off...His friendship really keeps me going, and I am worried about crowding him and becoming a nuisance...

I too am very annoying to those I am in a relationship with

I think it really lowers my self esteem over time and makes me feel worse where as when Im on my own (and not annoying anyone) I feel much better about myself. But then being on ones own has its own draw backs

I think you are right to back off a bit, it will give him time to sort himself out and figure out what he wants. I dont think its ok for him to snipe at you for being who you are but I dont know any good solutions for that and get it alot myself.

good luck *hugs*

awww, hope you find something going well to cheer up about

I think you are a very caring and sensitive person. When you say he's been yelling at his boss I think you are right about maybe it's not just you. He might be wreastling with something with himself. Maybe giving him his space but letting him know you are still there for him is a good idea. It sounds like you guys have been good friends for a long time. I wouldn't think he'd throw that away same as you not wanting to throw it away.

Man..it sure is tough talking to him on the phone without my standard questions...I just repeat the same jumble of words over and over again...until I can think of something else...


He called me today..so I guess he isn't too too mad..and i got a chance to apologize...Though he did point out the specific ways in which I managed to annoy him....so at least I know...

I manage to unintentionally annoy everyone. Because of this, I ask people to tell me outright if/when I become annoying during a conversation. Saves a lot of irritation on everyone's part.

I am unfortunately overly defensive . . . i dont go out of my way to talk to anyone, but i do have this bad habit of lingering near a group talking (groups with at least one person i know) and just standing there listening. I try to keep moving, but if its something of interest, i cannot help myself. Unfortunately, people dont like folks lingering like that, makes them uncomfortable. In the end, i try not to overindulge talking about whatever my obsession may be at the time. But on the other hand, i appear to be anti-social. No win situation either way . . .

Sounds familiar. In 6th grade, a group of girls would walk around the schoolyard together during recess. As I knew a couple of the girls well, I walked with the group, not really chatting but listening attentively and trying to seem engaged. At one point, the "ringleader" of the group stopped abruptly (so the rest of the group stopped, as well) and asked why I was "following" them. She made it clear that my presence was unwanted, so I walked away and went back inside to wait out the rest of recess in my classroom. 'Twas ever thus.

Hmm. And do you ever point out to him the ways in which he annoys you?

Honestly, i didnt realize the lingering aspect until recently, pictured the scenarios in my head and how i went about. ><

Good point...He doesn't annoy me..but he does make me feel bad..so I end up beating myself up unnecessarily over stuff....It is hard for me to automatically take for granted that with all my silliness and inefficiency and mental and physical flaws, I am a positive entity in his life and that he is lucky to have me...I can state it, but I can't feel it...I have such an awkward way of processing emotions..and I seriously do have troubles with taking things literally and theory of mind...so that make it difficult for me to have a certain kind of leverage...