I am thinking of killing myself

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I am so depressed, life is miserbale.. i am tortured by the ironies of my life and nobody seems to love me...nobody seems to understand me and i have come to this forum as a final, last resort...
what can i do in a world that is so cruel and so unforgiving?? I cant take it anymore, god is fickle and life is insignificant..
please help!

Depression is a treatable disease. Please see a doctor. I wish you well.

I can't say I understand completely but I do have some idea of you you feel. I know it's hard. I've wanted to hurt myself before but it's been a while since I've wanted to die.

It does end. I can promise you that it's not forever.

The world is a mess. You mentioned unforgiving. Are you refering to general (countries and stuff) or something seem aimed at you particularly?

I'm religious so that is one part I can't relate to you.

Are you in therapy? If not then you need to be, anyone who is writing what you do and feeling that way should be. Don't do it alone.

Please know that we are here and promise you won't kill yourself. You are loved. Write and let us know you are still here.

Thinking of you,
Uhura

I have to get on my soap box here. If the depression is in it's early stages it may pass on it's own or with therapy but if it is at a clinical level you will need to look into the possibility of meds. I have a lifetime of experience with depression. I was in and out of therapy and the only thing that made a real difference was meds. Not only that, most therapists would say their treatment is not effective if someone is too depressed to participate fully. Therapy ideally is about learning new ways of thinking that don't pull you down again. Personally, I think you could spend years digging down to find the source of the depression and you would still be depressed. Knowing doesn't make it go away. It's a chemical disruption in your brain.

Depression is not a disease. If it was, it would be contagious and we would all feel sad and miserable right now.

You should try calling a kids helpline or something similar. I imagine since there's one here in Canada, you should have one as well. I've felt depressed and suicidal in the past, mainly due to bullying, so I've called the helpline a couple of times. It's very helpful to vent out your feelings like that.

I'm speaking of disease in terms of diseases like diabetes which is not contagious. This is not the time for arguing about semantics.

It would help if you gave us a bit more information about yourself in your profile (age, location, interests/special skills etc.). Also, you might want to slide on over to Google and find yourself an avatar. The best way to feel better about yourself is to do something to improve your self-image.

Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) now!

It sounds like you are in a situation where you cannot make the most of your God given abilities. Can you elaborate on your life a bit, maybe forum members could offer better advice if you are more specific? Did something recently happen that has upset you and left you feeling like you don't know what to do?

We need to know your age but I'm going to assume you are teenager. It's not uncommon to feel suicidal when you realise how bad the world really is. I did myself during that period of my life, it's horrible.

You need to ring that number Oregon gave you or talk to someone trained to deal with this. They can explain how your future is brighter than you think a lot better than anyone on a message board can.

I've been low enough to want to end it, or to wish I could. looking back on it, it was a combination of being around critical, unforgiving people, sleep deprivation, and having a disorder I didn't know about. working toward self-acceptance has helped me, and that's what put me on the path to getting a diagnosis. watching how much sleep I get has made my depression controllable.

when I was a teen, I was sure I wouldn't live to 25 so lived as if I wouldn't (not in a good way) but that milestone was nearly half a lifetime ago. I wasted a lot of years struggling to be what other people wanted me to be before I got where I am now, which is feeling that I have a right to be who I am. at one point in my life I lived only so that my children wouldn't be raised by the man I was married to (I couldn't bear the thought of not being there to protect them) and I couldn't visualize my life beyond my kids growing up. I went and found some help about 6 years ago and it's been a struggle since no one picked up on my spectrum issues until a few months ago, but now I'm looking forward to my kids growing up so I can have more time to myself to pursue my special interests!

I urge you to find someone to talk to. depression could be clinical, or it could be caused by things in your life that you can change (as it did for me when I figured out it was caused by sleep deprivation).

While it's not completely feasible to base your life off of an online forum.. It is quite likely that if you're feeling alone ad misunderstood because of an autism spectrum disorder, you will find people here who understand you.
Try reading through some of the other forums, posting about things that interest you or that you have in common with other people here. The debate-y ones like PPR aren't great when you're depressed (well, not for me anyways, PPR usually makes me feel stressed,) but if you're a teen, you might want to look in adolescent section, you can find other posts from people dealing with depression in Then Haven, and some of the special interests sections are nice if those are your interests. Stick around.. you might find that you're not as alone as you feel.

I've got used to depression and so will you, you will do well to remember that.

I hear you. I also have severe depression at times. I know it's an utter hell that nobody can truly appreciate unless they've been there themselves. I've found that for the most part people on this site will listen and won't judge. Please stay around.

Depression... good old depression. I'm sitting here with a pair of scissors that I've been scraping the skin on my arm with. I signed on here today to see if there were any people feeling the way I do right now, and this post was second on the list. I could call a 1-800 #, but they'd likely tell me all the things I've already read here online. Depression is treatable. See a Dr., eat right, get excersise ...blah blah blah. I'm no teenager. I'm 5 years away from 40.

I can't understand my chinese Dr., accents throw me way off. I have no interest in eating...and I'm diabetic. Excersise isnt going to bring my entire dead family back. And speaking to an NT over the telephone certainly isn't going to leave me feeling understood. Crying isn't going to get my child the help he needs, and apparently asking politely won't either. I will forever be alone, and if I'm not alone, than I'm simply more alone than I thought I was. Being in my own company is easier for me than being in the company of others, so group support goes out the window. Pills don't fill my emptiness, although they do minimize my repetitive thoughts. Medicine doesn't give me the skills to execute what needs to get accomplished. I f*cking hate this sh*t. Not the depression (although I'm not a fan of that either), I hate the things that have built up in me to make me feel this way... and no matter what meds I take, those things are always there. I still can't connect. I wasn't taught the appropriate skills in parenting, and when I try to practice them, it feels so fake that it's hard to keep up... sort of like requiring a cat to become a dog. I underachieve in everything I've ever set out to accomplish, because one thing or another about myself, spins me right off course before I can reach success. I'm unwell, and I'm tired. ....andI'm also to afraid of what dying would 'feel' like to make it happen. And since I'm the only person in my son's life who understands what he's going through, I cannot leave him high & dry. So instead, I sit here in my hell contemplating what a relief it will be when I no longer need to think of any of it any more.

I keep waiting for the change, or the "it'll get better" that everyone speaks of, but so far, it's only ever been very temporary and fleeting.

I don't want to leave this on such a negative sounding note, so I'll say one thing, don't let it go this far. Please find some way to make it better. I'm sorry that you're feeling as if everything is out of control and I wish I knew something to tell you that would make it all better, but I don't. Find one thing that makes you feel good, and do as much of it as you possibly can... while you're doing that, call a Dr. and ask about depression meds, or anxiety meds. Best of luck to you.

I have never met you but I would rather that you did not end it all. I am sure that there is something useful or enjoyable that you can do on this earth. Something which will help you bring meaning to your life.

The samaritans say that killing yourself is a drastic lasting "solution" to what is oftein a short term problem (a jolly bad "solution"). I think that the samaritans are right about this. Why not e-mail them if you need to chat to someone

http://www.samaritanshope.org/
http://www.samaritans.org/

I think that Chad Varah was a good character.