Going Insane

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This is going to be really hard to explain this problem, but I'll try. I think a lot of this is subconscience so I really don't know in full what is wrong. First, you must understand that i have OCD and depression (as well as Asperger's). It's been years since I've had any really bad issues. Typically, I just have normal OCD problems like walking in and out of doors several times, shutting on and off lights several times, and constantly checking things. This week things have gotten worse, and quite confusing.

First, we have to look at the history of this problem. For over a year now, I've had my braces off, and ever since I've constantly insisted things weren't right. Every so often I'd find something new that didn't seem to be right. Recently I've been able to get over one problem, but I've noticed another one might actually be serious, and unfixable (at least not with just moving my teeth). One of my teeth was down a little too far, and I wanted the orthodontist to move it back up, but he insisted on smoothing it (basically, they take a small spinning disc, and rub it against the tooth. This actually takes part of the tooth off. I couldn't have this operation done while I was at the orthodontist's, so I had time to think things over. I kept saying I would not let this man which I no longer even trust to do such a thing. Pressure from my mom and grandparents to let the man "do his job" caused me to give in, and let him do it. Everything seemed alright, and probably still is, but my OCD blows everything out of proportion, so I can't tell what's wrong and what's ok. This past week, I started noticing "discomfort" and "pain". This started to cause me to get depressed, because you can't actually get this part of this tooth back, at least not in a natural way. The decision at hand now is that I can either get the opposite tooth (the one on the other side of my mouth) smoothed in a similar way (by my dentist, because I don't trust my orthodontist one bit), or I can get the other one rebuilt (although that doesn't actually fix it, it just replaces what was destroyed). I haven't talked to my dentist at all yet (I go on the 21st for cleaning).

Analyzing the problem, it seems to be like this. I'm not sure if I'm even in pain or not because I'm under the delusion of OCD. If things are ok, I want my other tooth smoothed down the same way my "problem" one was. If things are not ok, I want to reverse time, but since that's not possible, I want to have to tooth rebuilt. How can I even make this decision without knowing how I'm feeling. I'm thinking about just asking the dentist exactly what she thinks about the whole dilemma.

And if OCD blowing this "discomfort" and "pain" out of proportion isn't enough, now it's blown the entire problem out of proportion, making me feel like I'm somehow defective if I don't fix it. I've explained this all to a few people, and some have just called my weird, including myself. I've even told a few cross country coaches a very simple brief that there is an issue, but didn't go in depth about what it is (I don't think they'd understand). Professional help is not an option because my mom won't take the time to understand there is a problem, and the rest of my family doesn't believe OCD even exists. Really, if it wasn't for the Internet, I'd be almost alone with this issue. Please help.

Only you can decide what to do. At least you are aware of the interaction between th OCD and the problem with your teeth.

I don't know what you need to hear but look at my signature. You have a delema, so it is driving you crazy trying to decide what to do. So you need more options.

The best option I think you have is -- You don't have to decide right now. You can wait and it is OK to decide to do that. By waiting you will give your mind and body a chance to unwind. to gather more information and look at things from a fresh perpective. You can let your sub-conscious mull it all over while you get on with life. One week, one month, really makes no difference. And if someone asks what you want to do, then just say you have not decided or I am still thinking it over. This is ok and acceptable too.
Deciding not to decide or delaying a decision is a viable option.

ohhh, i thought you meant going insane in a more drastic sense.
because i've had feelings where i thought i was.
that feeling where you feel like you want to cry and your horribly depressed.
but for inexplicable reasons find yourself laughing and smiling almost nervously but helplessly and some aspects of it turn your perspective to find things troublingly amusing.
and you feel like the joker from batman.

"the beast within has named it's price
for protection that you seek
a gamble surely and a vice
and that price, it is control"

but typically it is a passing feeling & only under times of extreme emotional distress

Oh, this is driving me crazy, and it makes no sense. This is such a trivial problem, but I've managed to blow it WAY out of proportion. It gets worse and worse every day.

So, I've tried to calm myself, and remembered yet another problem. The problem that started all of this (a tooth needing moved) was never fixed. So even after all of this, I'll be back at the same place I was originally. This is why I don't recommend orthodontics to anyone. They just want your money and won't fix anything. I CAN'T trust these people anymore.

Seems like mentally I'm not getting any better, and I'm feeling even worse it seems.