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bluerose
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17 Nov 2009, 8:20 pm

Ok, so this is a weird topic in a sense that it goes against what most people post here. I've read some past threads and many times aspie girls say they only have male friends, get along with guys etc...I have the opposite issue. I never get along with men and guys. I think most of them instinctively hate me, or there is just something about me that repels them. I can't put my finger on it. It's been like this all my life. Whenever I have an issue with someone abusing me, treating me badly, etc, it has always been a male, of any age. Physical, sexual, verbal, I've been through it all. I've gotten some abuse from girls but only very slightly and never to that kind of extenct. This is actually one of the reasons I dislike school so much, because of the male teachers I have to talk to. I don't dislike them at all, but they hate me. I recently had an incident with a male teacher that most people at school love, almost bringing me to tears with him yelling at me and abusing me. Also the other male teacher we have gives me unreasonably bad grades.
Does any other aspie female find that it's like that for them? What do you think it is?



jamesongerbil
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18 Nov 2009, 12:55 am

yes, i don't get along with most girls, if that is what you are getting at? i have had some poor female teachers, but not too many. i have lucked out on that, i think. the ones who are definitely more abusive or just suck in that arena are generally more coarse or demanding of other students. they turn back into dr. jekyll after school for some reason. you might try talking to your male teachers then, or discuss it with a school authority figure you feel comfortable with.
i have gotten abuse from guys though. it sucks, but not nearly as bad as girls. it's direct. not to make you feel paranoid, but girls are so underhanded and catty that they will seriously act like everything is fine to your face and then be horrible to you behind your back. and then dealing with that is much more difficult, especially if you can't read the codes, which are even tougher with that kind of person. it is difficult, though as the years go by, i find i can talk to younger and older women. they don't bother me if they're not interested in socializing.
that sounds really rough what you are going through. usually i can find at least one or two, mostly older teachers/professors to relate to. how do you know they hate you? maybe you should seriously take it up with the principal or something, if you feel you are graded strangely. :? i have had that happen to me before. the first time i made very bad mistakes in dealing with it. the second time i took note of everything and submitted my survey properly. if your school does that, the board will probably take it very seriously, so that's one thing you can do.

also, you might be terribly good looking and smart, which will make your peers hate you just based on that. 8)



hale_bopp
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18 Nov 2009, 4:29 am

I'm the same.
Most of my real bullies were NT males.
I get on with males reasonaly, but i have always felt more comfortable around/loyal to females.

I think you've just hit a really bad batch of guys. They aren't all bad. But I don't get how females on this site rave about guys.

Why was this teacher yelling at you may I ask? Some teachers i've found pick on people they consider weak. Also with the grades, why do you think they are unreasonable? You should challenge them.



bluerose
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18 Nov 2009, 5:38 am

Yeah, I've never gotten the whole phenomena of getting along better with guys. I've never even thought about having a male as a friend because of my experiences, probably never will either. I think the teacher picked up on me being a bit spineless yeah. I did get upset but still that was no reason for the kind of treatment. It was incredibly bad, and he was very good at making me be the scapegoat too, always. Sarcastic remarks, etc. Thank god he isn't my teacher anymore. The grades are very discriminatory because other girls have gotten As for what I've gotten Cs for, doing the exact same work at class. I've pretty much given up on that though, it's only one subject and I'm counting more on the final exams than my grades anyways. Anyways I've always thought it was weird I was so much in the minority, even on this site:S



OuterBoroughGirl
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21 Nov 2009, 8:38 pm

I can relate to this. This is not so much an issue for me anymore, primarily because I work in a very female dominated field, and the only males over the age of five I have regular interaction with these days are my Dad and my boyfriend S, and neither of them could really be considered NT. This is especially true in my Dad's case, and S definitely has quite a few aspie traits as well. Thus, I haven't had much in the way of troubles with NT males in recent years. However, it was a different story growing up. I was bullied quite a bit in school, and my bullies were nearly all male. Every now and then, there was an isolated incident with a female peer giving me a hard time, but in general, girls were far more likely to simply ignore me, or sometimes even come to my defense.
I suppose I should mention that I am female, just in case the username doesn't make that obvious.


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Daniella
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26 Nov 2009, 5:28 pm

Same. I get along better with girls than with guys, generally. They can do the talking, I'll make the jokes 8)



PaganMom
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27 Nov 2009, 3:22 pm

Since I'm not really that into talking about girly things for long periods of time, most of my closer friends do tend to be guys. I'm an aspie and married to an NT and the guys I've been friends with were all NT. It really gave me an insight into how guys think about girls so that helped me with dating and finding a guy way back when. I REALLY like performance cars and used to have one that I would race in the ameature track (even though I rarely go over 40 anymore and am a nervous driver here in my old age) but I've found that girls really don't like to talk about cars that much, so I ened up gravitating to guys. I would actually have more fun drinking beer with guys and talking about guns and cars and sex rather than going shopping with girls.

PaganMom



ElysianDream
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30 Nov 2009, 5:28 am

Everyone's experiences shape their view of life and people and how they relate to each gender.

I would say I've had very negative and positive experiences with both guys and girls, and don't favour one over the other.

I'm curious to how you think your AS contributed, if at all, to men not liking you. No offence but perhaps it's just something they react to in your personality? I know guys can be narrow-minded, and a lot of them especially don't like outspoken girls. I dislike that myself and like strong, confident women.



Shebakoby
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30 Nov 2009, 2:43 pm

bluerose wrote:
Ok, so this is a weird topic in a sense that it goes against what most people post here. I've read some past threads and many times aspie girls say they only have male friends, get along with guys etc...I have the opposite issue. I never get along with men and guys. I think most of them instinctively hate me, or there is just something about me that repels them. I can't put my finger on it. It's been like this all my life. Whenever I have an issue with someone abusing me, treating me badly, etc, it has always been a male, of any age. Physical, sexual, verbal, I've been through it all. I've gotten some abuse from girls but only very slightly and never to that kind of extenct. This is actually one of the reasons I dislike school so much, because of the male teachers I have to talk to. I don't dislike them at all, but they hate me. I recently had an incident with a male teacher that most people at school love, almost bringing me to tears with him yelling at me and abusing me. Also the other male teacher we have gives me unreasonably bad grades.
Does any other aspie female find that it's like that for them? What do you think it is?


I have had this exact same problem, and I am just as baffled by it as you are.



bluerose
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01 Dec 2009, 7:44 pm

ElysianDream wrote:
Everyone's experiences shape their view of life and people and how they relate to each gender.

I would say I've had very negative and positive experiences with both guys and girls, and don't favour one over the other.

I'm curious to how you think your AS contributed, if at all, to men not liking you. No offence but perhaps it's just something they react to in your personality? I know guys can be narrow-minded, and a lot of them especially don't like outspoken girls. I dislike that myself and like strong, confident women.


I think it definately has contributed. Maybe it's because I'm not the stereotypical girl in the way that I communicate. Or the way I think and do things, I'm more like a male in that sense. But it really hasn't been that much of an issue with girls. It has been an issue for sure, but I've found girls that are tolerant of me, but never any guys. I'm definately not confident and outspoken, pretty much the opposite of that. That may contribute as well, they feel that abusing me is fair play since I can't effectively stand up for myself.