New at 53

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I'm new to the idea of AS, at the age of 53, and I believe it could very well answer questions I've had about myself all my life. I didn't know anything about it until a few weeks ago, when I had an emotional meltdown and realized I've had the same thing happen numerous times in my life, to one degree or another, when faced with a disruption or change that I couldn't handle. When I say meltdown, for me I mean uncontrollable sobbing and an overwhelming and disorienting feeling of being out of control. This time I scared my husband and my cat with my hysteria, and I realized I needed to figure this out.

A few years ago an acquaintance, who has a son in special education and helps out in the classroom, suggested that I might benefit from learning whether I had AS. I didn't know anything about it, and quickly dismissed the idea, not sure why she would say such a thing. I remembered that conversation when, as I searched for some answers online to the problem that caused the meltdown, I came across someone's post on a forum where he mentioned his Asperger's, and the name sounded familiar, as did his description of one of his traits, so I looked it up.

Woah! So much of what I read fits things that I've dealt with all my life and could never explain adequately to myself. Then I came across mention after mention of Asperger's over the next few days, quite by coincidence, and I realized maybe some Synchronicity was at work (I'm fascinated with Jung, BTW). So I read more, and even searched for a local professional who evaluates people for this.

I have since seen one therapist. But I came away upset that she was misleading, prior to my appointment, about the kind of evaluation she does, and she's too expensive for me to see long enough for her to do that -- she goes by what's revealed in a series of talking sessions. Aside from that I just didn't feel that she understood me at all. There's another person, a psychologist, nearby who does tests. I'm debating whether to go ahead and get tested, and whether that would benefit me.

I'm 53, retired early from civil service, trying to be a fiction writer, which has been a lifelong interest and avocation but without any success. I'm also an INFP, but with ISFJ tendencies that I believe grew out of adapting to my former career.

So now I'm here and still debating the value of a diagnosis at my age. One benefit that I have found in just reading about AS and considering it might be the answer that's been missing all this time, is a lifting of an immense burden of guilt I've felt about how socially inept I am, among other qualities that I've always looked on as failings. Now I think I can look at them as simply normal for me. Do I need an official diagnosis to continue to benefit from that? I don't think so. I feel as if I've found my answer. I wish I'd found it sooner, but better late than never.

I'm very happy to have found this forum. Wrong Planet indeed! I have felt like an alien for my entire life, but I'm not sure it's the wrong planet. I like the planet. I even like the people on it, though I don't feel I fit in with most of them. Maybe it's everyone else who's on the wrong planet?

Hello SpiritBlooms!
As you can see from my join date, it was three years ago at age 56 that I recognized my own Asperger's Syndrome and found WP. I did my best therapy here, because I could be open and honest and people knew what I was talking about. That in itself is enough to make WP worth coming home to every night.

I wish you the very best on WP, and welcome you home from the bottom of my Aspie heart.

Merle

Merle, thanks for your reply. I imagine with something that's only been diagnosed for a couple of decades there are likely lots of people who've lived with it a long time without realizing what it is. In fact, the more I read the more confusing diagnosis seems. AS seems to be something that is continuously being redefined.

Welcome to WP!

Thank you, Tim_Tex. And I'm glad you decided to stay.

I clocked in at 52 - a few years ago now. There have been times since when I wished I were - well, not in front of the children.

I still think the diagnosis helps, but there's not a lot of real world evidence for that contention yet.

Hiya, SpiritBlooms welcome to WP.

Welcome, SB!

Nice to meet you, SpiritBlooms, and welcome to the WP neighborhood.

Thanks for all your welcomes!

Hello SpiritBlooms, welcome to WrongPlanet!

Hi & welcome to WP! Do you greet every newcomer, scientist?

@BruceCM: check our posts in http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt112276.html&highlight=#112276:
;)
I'm not sure if newbies like it when you start conversations with me in their threads... (I don't want to be too impolite)

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hi SpiritBlooms and welcome to the WrongPlanet.

Would a formal/official diagnosis benefit you? Only you can decide on that. From what I gathered from your post, you are probably fine without getting one.

I see you like to write fiction. I am trying to finish a sci-fi/horror novel myself. I like to write fiction, but I prefer to read nonfiction.

I think you will find an endless supply of learning from the WrongPlanet. It is a nice community that is willing to offer support and share experiences. And it is also a neat place to debate some crucial issues of autism. I hope you enjoy this site.

Aw, you are all so kind.

I think just reading about AS and thinking it fits so well has lifted a lot from me about not "growing up", not adapting to changes better. I never thought of my intense interests, or my instense focus on one thing, as too bad, though. As a technical writer I was able to focus so well I worked circles around coworkers.

I used to love to read fiction, but I find that since I turned 40 or so I prefer to read mostly nonfiction. I secretly think, though, it has something to do with the quality of some newer books. I find that I like to read older, more time-tested works of fiction now. I'm nuts about Tolkien.