roadGames wrote:
I know you all hate the idea, and I used to be terrified of gigantic groups of strangers talking to each other, but really they are the perfect place to hone your socializing abilities. Make friends with some more extroverted nerds or look for a wingman group on the internet, and things will change. Let's say you do make an ass out of yourself or get rejected by some girl, do you think she's going to remember it tomorrow? Probably not, because you're one of 20 or so guys that approached her that night if she's even barely decent looking.
Sure, at a bar or club, you are not likely to find that cute INTP girl we all want to date. However, once you do meet her at work or school, talking to her and getting her interested in you is going to be a piece of cake because you've had some success in what are easily the most competitive environments for meeting women. Girls want fun, confident guys (yes, that's a very loaded word), even the asperger's or INTP girls. They'll deny it all they want, but it's true.
In the last 4 weeks of doing this, I've probably approached more women than I have in my entire life before then, been rejected/sabotaged initial attraction more times than I care to count (I used to think this was a big deal, ahahaha), and gotten more numbers and dates than I've had in my entire life. I actually broke a girl's heart last week by not calling her, and she's been whining to her friend who relayed the message back to me. It's not that I take pride in being called a heartbreaker, but it's just something so bizarre and alien to me. I didn't think I had that capability as an autistic.
It's also a tad bit depressing to realize all the really cool women you could've hooked up with but didn't because you totally missed all of the signals. At the same time it's a bit empowering, too. Probably the most crucial thing I've learned is that you MUST watch the eyes, even if you don't know what it means now, you will learn eventually.
Guys, joining a wingman group will save your life and you won't need to be posting here anymore attempting to analyze the BS language or behavior of some girl who "friend zoned" you.
There are two related but separate issues in the OP's post:
1. using parties/bars/clubs to obtain and practice social skills
2. using parties/bars/clubs as a vehicle for getting dates
and while I would totally agree and support the premise of #1 in that it would help everybody here to have and practice social skills, I think #2 is largely dependent on the person, and using parties/bars/clubs to get dates won't work for everybody. The fact is, although you may find people of all types using parties/bars/clubs to practice social skills from time to time, the majority of people in those environments are going to be those people who spend the most time in those environments, because they flourish in parties/bars/clubs. Parties/bars/clubs attract certain types of people whom you simply might not be interested in for long-term relationships, but it's useful to learn how to talk to people you aren't all that interested in. If you want to get dates with less extroverted people, it would make more sense to go to social events which target less extroverted people, right? Events which cater to smaller groups that are more activity-based (I personally like hiking and nature appreciation stuff) can give you some exercise while you're at it too. While going to hypersocial locales like parties/bars/clubs is great as a sort of stress testing for your social skills, it's not critical to keep doing that if your social skills are up to snuff and you're confident in them.
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Won't you help a poor little puppy?
04 Dec 2009, 3:45 pm
