Hurt

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Hi,

I recently discovered that I have Aspergers and joined another forum. I said something innocent in my introduction that one of the members ridiculed and said I was not a true Aspie and was just in that forum attention-seeking which caused a major flamewar not of my making. Very hurtful things were said about me by several members, with other members defending me and I had to leave the forum.

I am sure I have Aspergers. I not only fit the official diagnosis, but have almost every symptom listed. Plus I have done lots of reading about it and everything I read fits me exactly. It really hurts to finally find a community of people that are like me and then to be rejected by them, just like I was rejected and bullied as a child because I didn't fit in socially.

I kept trying to get out of the conflict by saying I would leave the forum because I hate conflict and flamewars but when other people replied, I couldn't resist responding and kept getting drawn back in.

I am extremely upset by this. Aspergers explains so much about me and about my entire life, it is really eye-opening for me. It gives me a way to start improving things that are not working in my life. It is very disconcerting to have my reality brought into question, scrutinized and denied, and to have my character defamed. Why do people think that just because it is the internet, they can say really hurtful things to people that they would probably not say in real life?

I was already really vulnerable before I joined that forum. I recently lost my job and also lost more than a third of my social security income because my daughter turned 18. My license was suspended due to an administrative mistake at the Dept of Public Safety which is taking months to get cleared up and I probably will have to go to court and pay $100. This aggravated my agoraphobia because I did not leave the house for three weeks when my license was suspended. Legal aid refused to help me because they do not take that kind of case. I am having a lot of trouble with not being able to do the things I need to do because of my narrow, obsessive attention problems. I also have been chronically ill for three years with infections and a fever of between 99 and 101. I finally found out I have a Primary Immune Disorder but I am having trouble getting the treatment I need (IV immunoglobulins). My family keeps telling me things like "You are not sick enough to have that disorder" and "You don't need that treatment" even though the test results prove I do. I need a roommate, but am scared to live with someone because of my peculiar habits like rocking and involuntary verbalizations and being unable to make small talk, etc. I can't stand it when someone else does the dishes and puts things in different places than I usually put them. Also, when I tried to get a roommate in the past I was unsuccessful. Change is really, really difficult for me to deal with and I have a lot of fatalistic thinking. I am scared to death that I will lose the very modest house I love because I can't pay the mortgage. I am in therapy, but my therapist and I are at a standstill. She is not helping me and I desperately need a new therapist. I have an appointment for someone new on Monday, but I have no idea if she will work out. I tried to commit suicide but my friend found me before I was dead and I was in ICU for three days. I subsequently went into a hospital with an intensive therapy program but my insurance refused to pay long enough for me to work out all of the major issues I have right now, even though I still had benefit days. Sorry for dumping all this. I hope it isn't inappropriate.

Wow, I can't imagine aspies acting that way... what forum was that..
That kind of behavior is against the rules here on Wrongplanet... there are sometimes disputes about how the rules should be enforced, but we would never welcome a new member that way

I don't think you've said anything inappropriate, and I'm sorry you felt you had to leave the other forum.
I have not been formally DX'd as having Asperger's, but no one here has made me feel bad about that. I think you'll find that's true here as well. Every once in a while, I get in a scrap because I have very strong informed opinions and I don't accept other people's dogmas or categories. I don't take it personally--it's just part of the free exchange of thoughts, opinions and ideas.
I've also had some legal trouble lately, too, and it sucks, especially when people lack sympathy and won't offer help. I've had sinus trouble off and on too, with a low grade fever, and it really drains my energy level.
I would just say that you can't worry about what other people think--you have to care about what you think and believe in yourself. I know that's not easy--I've been struggling with it for years. That's why I did the interview with Dr. Branden that's up on the home page: his sentence completion exercises have helped me and I think his advice might be able to help other people. The key to supporting yourself is to build self-esteem, think positively and develop strategies for eliminating negative thoughts. For example: every time the negative part of you says something that's a putdown, you tell it to shut up. You keep telling it to shut up until it does. You can also write a list of things that you like about yourself, things you've accomplished. Anyone can come up with things they like about themselves, even if they think they can't. You can also do daily affirmations, such as "I, (name), like myself" or "I, (name) have the right to exist." You can do those or come up with ones of your own.
For me, writing is very important: keeping a journal in particular, plus the affirmations and the sentence completions. If you do it every day, and keep up with it, it can become an important and pleasurable part of your life--something to look forward to, something you like doing for yourself.
It's also important to write down or express negative thoughts, just to get it out of your head so you can see that they're not logical or true. If you keep them in your head, you'll just keep spinning, as my fiancee says. Confront them. Pin them down like the Rock putting the smackdown on Hulk Hogan. Then you'll see how inaccurate suck self-denigrating thoughts are.
That's my .10 (prorated for inflation). Take care of yourself, and I look forward to hearing more from you soon!

I'm sure you'll find yourself at home here, Sphinx.
That other forum sounded pretty hairy.
Thank God for good mods, eh? (in-joke)




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__homage to hans asperger__

i just clicked on your homage to hans asperger and i must say, is that your artwork?
That is amazing.
and the site is very supportive os people with AS, per the topic of this thread, Hurt.

Sounds like a really hard situation overall. I hope you can find some help.

Everyone here seems to pretty nice. I don't have a formal diagnosis either (although my son does) but nobody seems to mind.

Welcome! and I hope things work out okay for you.

SB2 said

Gosh, thanks, SB2, I am truly honoured.
If I was into emotithings I'd put up up the blusher.

Not my artwork, though: that's by the
inimitable
R.Crumb
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__homage to hans asperger__

Don't want to say what forum it was, because I don't want any of the discussion following me here. There was someone on the forum who was big into False Memory Syndrome and I said something that set them off. You'd think that someone who has been a social outcast part/most of their life and/or has been discriminated against would be more tolerant of other people's differences.

From what I've seen of this forum, it is very different. So I think I will be happy here.

I probably wouldn't have taken it so hard if I had not been in a vulnerable place to begin with.

I know this diagnosis is right for me. I have already been diagnosed with OCD, social anxiety disorder and ADD. This diagnosis makes sense of what I have known all my life. Plus, it gives me a way to work with it. I have always thought that my social anxiety came from not being able to socialize, not that my inability to socialize came from my social anxiety disorder. Aspergers makes sense of that. I do fine when I need to lead a class and have no anxiety because I have an agenda to follow with no small talk or socializing. If I had true social anxiety, wouldn't I be scared half to death to lead a class?

I am working on this with affirmations.

Did this in the hospital. It was very helpful.

I'm thankful for this forum. It helped a lot to write here where I knew it was a protected forum.
Thanks!

Thanks for the welcome acientofdaze, Anna and SB2.

I remember one truly despicable welcome to CheeseCheese when she introduced herself. Don't be so quick to say "WP would never do that".

Hi Sphinx, welcome to WrongPlanet! There are plenty of self-diagnosed people here. Doubting others' "aspieness" is an offense, and I've seen people being banned for it. I hope you won't meet such attitudes here.

Well I wouldn't treat a new member that way, especially since they had not done anything to me in the first place.[/i]

i, too, had a difficult time on a different aspie website ~ a huge rant started over my rant about the difficulties we were having with my son at the time....i left that site, and thankfully found this one. it's much nicer here.