"Normal" people are stupid...

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A few hours ago, I was having a discussion with two of my cousins. They brought up the topic of being pulled over, and they were saying how, apparently, "most cops are reasonable as long as you don't argue with them." I interjected with my stories of my own experiences, which have been almost exclusively negative. My cousins basically defended the police no matter what, which I found very frustrating, and I expressed how confused I was as to how they could possibly be okay with the unnecessarily aggressive (and financially punitive) tactics demonstrated not by the minority, but probably the majority of American police officers.

The conversation expands into the American legal system in general, and at one point, the more vocal cousin brings the conversation to a halt by saying, "We weren't talking about politics or societal problems; we were talking about being pulled over. If you're going to expand the conversation into this, I'm out of here."

She seems angry, but assures me that she isn't. She then explains to me that I have a problem with frequently "expanding conversations," which apparently is socially unacceptable. She states that, when people are talking about something minor, they don't like the subject evolving into something more major. Basically, the gist of what she said was that people prefer small talk to philosophical conversation. As much as I loathe the very suggestion, other experiences (I seem to make enemies everywhere I go) support her assertion that people dislike thought-provoking conversation.

She went on to explain that, while everybody hopefully has at least a couple of friends with whom you CAN discuss such matters with, most friends aren't suitable for such matters. She compared friends to plumbers and electricians- some friends are good at one thing (serious talks) while others are only suitable for superficial stuff (drunk partying). So, apparently the fact that I feel like I barely know all but two of my friends is completely normal, and even acceptable.

I hope I've reiterated the dialogue well. Moving on, I'm somewhat disgusted about the whole thing. I can't get along with people unless I keep my mouth shut and only speak if the words pertain EXACTLY to what's already being discussed, but if that's the price of "getting along with people" (or, more accurately, coexisting without obvious friction) then why should I even give a damn? Why strive to "fit in" if doing so will require me to constantly censor everything I say and dumb myself down to meet the superficial, counterintuitive expectations of an intellectually comatose society? It seems to me like the "friends" acquired through such means would only irritate me with their purposeless drivel and waste innumerable hours of my time. Sure, what I'm doing now makes me enemies everywhere I go, but if constant self-censorship and small talk is the alternative, then I'm not sure which is worse. And by that I mean I'll probably have to stick with my current strategy of pissing everybody off. (At least then the people who want to talk about nothing will keep their distance, right?)

Opinions? Am I missing something here? As I said: I loathe what my cousin told me, but from what I can tell, she's absolutely right...

I have no idea what happened. I was also told to shut up and stuff in high school. I'd join in conversations and then all of a sudden I get told to be quiet and mind my own business. My therapist made it all my fault by saying I am taking over it, I don't know how to enter one, I am not picking up on any cues, it's not appropriate to enter one.
Maybe that's what happened to you?

Was this in a class room or a setting for people to relax? Some people like to think real hard and oppionate over stuff, others only like shareing experiances. I favore debates, personaly.

Yeh, I definitely have a problem with being perceived as too intense.

NTs have conversations for different reasons than we do, as far as I can tell. If we talk about something, we like to get into the substance of something and kind of pull it apart. For us it's ok to have a different point of view to the other people talking, and it's ok to stick to that point of view and express it.

NTs don't really have conversations in order to get to the bottom of things. They talk to bond with each other, and they normally skim over things, changing the subject frequently, with the idea of sharing experiences. They will agree with each other's point of view, even if they don't share it, for the sake of allowing the conversation to flow, and for the sake of "being friends".

So how you described the interaction, from their point of view, you got stuck on a particular topic, and you also expressed a contrary opinion, therefore they got mad with you. I'm not saying that's right, because I also think it's dumb, but that's the way they work.

I prefer to really know about how someone thinks, and with the couple of true friends that I do have, we can spend hours getting into stuff really deeply, and disagree quite openly without risking our friendship. But for most people, they seem to feel vulnerable if the conversation gets too deep, and especially if someone expresses a different view to their own. It's a trust thing. NTs just don't trust each other. Which I guess makes sense....

I think you're making too much of a stereotype of NT's. I agree that NT's can be boring, but not everyone are. To me it's more a matter of finding smart, open-minded people whom I can be natural around.

I work in a hair salon. I just like the texture of hair (all types.)
As you can imagine, it's a hive for negativity and non-socially redeeming banter.
I don't know how to talk to these women without coming off as an as*hole.
Everyone says I think I'm smarter than them (what if I am?!)
All they talk about is fights with their ex's (let it go ladies,) childbirth (gross,) etc.
I'm the only one I know who can take a conversation about the weather, and make it a rant on atmospheric science.

clever kitten, thank you for the validation! I grow so weary of being the only one...but I know how jealous it makes "normals"
My favorite part is where they raise their eyebrows and say something like "WOW! YOU'RE smart!" Like being smart is a BAD thing...pffft, I still get the last laugh!

I tend to have the same problem as well. Iv learnt to try and start debates to fuel my need for an intellectual conversation.

Well Temple Grandin once said during an interview, "Neurotypicals talk for relationship; people with Autism speak for information."

With that being said, I think most, if not all aspies talk for information, and where would the information part come in? The intellectual conversations of course.

Really though, I don't see how NTs can see having an intellectual conversation as socially inappropriate. It's a difference of thinking all right. We need people who speak intellectually to make the world go round, to make new inventions, and to propose new theories. Did they ever hear about the salons in the Enlightenment? We need to have these back.

But anyways, I heard a quote (don't know from whom):

Great men speak about ideas
Good men speak about things
Average people speak abut people

So seeing your cousins, it seems like they're just average people compared to you.

I know what you mean. I remember realizing (embarrassingly recently) that most conversations were NOT the exchange of information and ideas. Most conversations seem so inane. But I guess that most people find more pleasure than I do in just being with people and being part of the group.

Dude, of COURSE they got sore with you. It WASN'T a political conversation, there was no need to make it one. There are times to talk politics, and times to show more tact and restraint. That's like entering a conversation about Christmas parties with a rant about church policy.

This has been my experience my whole life. And, yeah, I don't reckon its worth it pretending and not being our natural selves. In my opinion if you can find one friend that you can have deep conversations with, that is all you need.

Years ago I just stopped making an effort with all the "stupid people" (that is how I refer to them all the time) and only bother with NT people I consider worthy of being considered 'honorary aspergers'.

That's kind of a limited and elitist way to look at people, FA. It's fine if you don't fit in with everybody, but that doesn't make everyone else "stupid".

I wouldn't say normal people are stupid because they don't like these kind of discussions. I used to feel this way but I realised I needed to lighten up and put more faith in humanity. I tend to avoid political debates as I don't like the conflict and its a lot less stressful to just have fun talking about lighter topics. Friends prefer to relax and have fun to having tense discussions. It is possible to talk about more serious subjects, but try using some humour in the converstaion as it will ease the tension.

This topic is very recognizable. The comment about being smart - yes I'm probably smarter than you, I can't help that. (I don't say this, just think it sometimes, cause boy, sometimes they're stupid...)

The habit they have of confusing knowledge or being smart with arrogance - I'm sorry I know something you don't. Don't take it personally. I find just about anything interesting, and when something interests me, I read about, until something else catches my eye... So, as a consequence, I know just a bit more about a lot of subjects than most people.


These days I try to build in margins of error. Avoiding statements like 'I know', instead using 'I think' (not I believe - trying really hard to avoid that one. to me it invalidates your position, believing is 'knowing' without evidence), or 'I understand'.

It's just easier that way, and one doesn't get the cold shoulder as fast.