Can you be friends with a woman you are attracted to?

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Alla
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31 Dec 2009, 10:34 am

Can an aspie be friends with a woman he is highly attracted to if the woman does not show signs of reciprocation? Would you stay friends with her or avoid her?



MartyMoose
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31 Dec 2009, 11:01 am

I have friends I'm attarcted to



leejosepho
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31 Dec 2009, 11:06 am

Yes, and sitting down with her and my wife together to talk a bit and to establish a simple "no physical contact" rule has led to good friendship all around.


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dddhgg
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31 Dec 2009, 11:50 am

In my experience no, if the attraction is sexual and particularly strong. Been there, done that (three times), and it failed miserably.


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Hector
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31 Dec 2009, 12:02 pm

Depends on what you mean by "friend". Friendly acquaintance? Sure. Confidant? Probably not.



Hermien
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31 Dec 2009, 1:20 pm

leejosepho wrote:
Yes, and sitting down with her and my wife together to talk a bit and to establish a simple "no physical contact" rule has led to good friendship all around.


I agree, it works.



Willard
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31 Dec 2009, 3:13 pm

I've never been friends with a woman I wasn't attracted to.

But, as I've noted before, I think Billy Crystal's philosophical assessment of men and women and friendships in the beginning of When Harry Met Sally pretty much nails it.



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31 Dec 2009, 3:55 pm

It can be done. If you keep your feelings a secret then who's to know how you really feel about them but you? That's what I do, I simply keep my mouth shut. Sure it can difficult being around someone you may lust over but that is life.... I've learned to do without.



Descartes30
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31 Dec 2009, 4:58 pm

Know thyself.

No one is the same in this. It is the stuff of women's and men's magazines that promote stereotypes to make money that lumps behavior across all borders. There are men and women that can and others that can't in this. You just have to be honest with yourself about what your limits are, and recognize when you get there.

I know that I cannot be friends with women, because I always end up falling in love with them and cannot handle seeing them with anyone else. I tried to just "deal with it" before, and it ended up horrible. And the more attractive I find them initially, the sooner that point is reached. So, you just need to know yourself, and be honest with the people around you. Ignore the people that classify it as shallow or wrong or anything else, you are the way you are and if they are your true friends, they will accept it. If you are one that can handle it, then good for you, you will likely have a higher quantity of friends than I will.


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Odin
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31 Dec 2009, 8:27 pm

My lady friend with cerebral palsy is pretty cute and she knows I'm attracted to her, but she's already in a relationship.


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Tim_Tex
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31 Dec 2009, 8:31 pm

I have no problem with it.


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mjs82
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31 Dec 2009, 8:32 pm

My best friend is a lesbian who I've loved - both as a friend and as a forlorned dreamer - for 12 years now.

We can't help who we fall in love with. But whenever you fall, there's always a chance you may hit the bottom.



kingtut3
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31 Dec 2009, 10:37 pm

I'm very close friends with a girl to whom I'm attracted.



Captain_Kirk
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02 Jan 2010, 1:38 am

It depends on your mental attitude towards friendship. If your attitude is that you should date whoever you are attracted to, then chances are you won't be able to pull it off. I only have two female friends, and they are both very attractive, and both taken. I prefer just being friends, so my attitude enables me to be friends with her, despite my desire to rip her clothes off.



techstepgenr8tion
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02 Jan 2010, 2:04 am

Things like this tends to work if at least one party is off-limits, if both are and have eachother's SO's as strong mutual friends then that's fine, though even there you don't necessarily want to spend much private time together as its a problem. Outside of that, if you met someone with romance or attraction as the original mechanism - unlikely that it will work. If its someone's ex who's still single, you're single, and you've had a warm history of shared emotions; there it could go both ways but if your mutually attracted, its hard to say that nothing physical won't happen unless there's enough pressure from outside the situation for that not to happen.

Pretty much with the gender you're attracted to its very difficult and requires an overwhelming amount of platonic history - or at least enough surpass and quash the sexual chemistry.