Scared for my son...

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Hey all,
I am a single mom who is 30 yrs old. My son, Hayden, is my first child (possibly only child too due to difficult pregnancy)...He's such a delight. He's 14 months old but was born 6 weeks early. So when considering milestone
development, he is about a 1 1/2 month behind because I go by his corrected age of 12 1/2 months.

Since about the age of 10 months, I've noticed new behaviors in him. It's my concern that he may have a form of ASD.
I can also think of logical reasons behind the behaviors rather than ASD but my fear is that maybe I just don't want to
see it for what it is.

Let me explain:

He rocks back and forth....usually only does it in his highchair or shopping cart. I have seen him do it while sitting in the floor and on my lap...but that's very rare. It doesn't happen often, maybe 2 tp 3 times a day at the most. He only does it for a few seconds at a time...He will stop if he's told to and it's easy to get his attention when he's doing this as well. His eyes will close though and he flutters them like he's dizzy though. He got a rocking horse for his b-day...we showed him how to rock in it, and shortly after, the rocking began el

He LOVES anything with wheels. He will spin anything that he can. He will spin wheels on office chairs etc as well as toy cars.
He usually turns the cars over to spin them. I don't think he knows what it is to play with it properly. He does have other toys and will play with them...but his choice is wheels. He won't spend too much time on it though, maybe a minute or two and then he's off getting into something else. He doesn't get upset if you break his focus from them or take them away either.

He does play with myself and his nana....he plays "Hide-n-seek", "Chase", "Patty-cake" etc...

He sits in the "W" position. I think in his case it's because he was born with bilateral clubfeet...and it's just more comfortable for him while we are going through correction on them, Not sure though.

He doesn't respond to his name...all the time...Sometimes he will respond first try and other times, it will take several times especially if he's playing with something he really likes or watching TV. He ignores me more so than his nana or even strangers at times...lol

He's shy around new faces, He hides his face in my shoulder and look at a stranger...more often than not, he will smile at them though and accept a gift from them (like a piece of candy from the pharmacist or candy cane from Santa)...

He crawls "commando- style" mostly...he will crawl regularly too. We have hardwood flooring so I am sure it's not the most comfortable surface anyway. He will be delayed in walking a little due to his clubfeet...but he is furniture cruising alone and walking if you hold his hands, When he crawls though, he likes to shake his head "no" at times. Maybe he likes to feel dizzy?

He shakes his head "no" when in his crib (going to sleep or just waking up) and sometimes in the highchair. He will do it on his own, to imitate you doing it or if you ask him to. His nana started that with him a bit ago though I think...

He looks at you kind of strangely from the outer inner corners of his eyes...not crossed but like you are giving a sideways glance. This happens rarely. His nana maybe taught him this, she did this kind of glance when she played "Gonna Get You" with him...maybe he just picked it up...it's just the times that he does do it, is odd.

He's as social as can be expected. He rarely gets time with other kids because when I don't have him, he's at his nana's place.It's usuallu just her and I that see him on an average day.She watches him while I am at work etc.

He will smile at you often and he makes great eye contact. He laughs all the time too, He still mostly babbles when talking but he does say "Dada" Mama",Up", Ba-ba", Doggie", Oh", "No",etc...Sometimes he knows what he's saying and sometimes he will call the ball "mama". lol He's very vocal and will have "conversations" usually.

He has pretty decent joint attention...He will look at my pointing to show him something. He can carry out a simple command such as "put that back in the box" for example. He will share is toys and food with me (and the dog). He will also try to put toy glasses or hat on me after I put them on him for example.

He's affectionate...he will come to you wanting to be picked up and carried, he will give hugs and cuddle with you and show the pets affection by petting them etc...he will RARELY gives kisses and doesn't like to get them much either. He will pull away from kisses. Hugs and cuddles he will give and receive though.

So I'm really on the fence about it. There are times when I am thinking ASD and then there are times when I think he's NT. His ped (who is also a developmental ped) believes he is NT, but said if some of these things bother me that we can get him evaluated in Feb, I have heard doctors drag their feet on a getting a dx before 24 months at the earliest too, Hayden is 14 months and his ped thinks its too soon to tell...he thinks that some of Haydens behaviors are regular NT behavior for his age..

He said that Hayden was still too young to really grasp pointing to something (Hayden will do this at times though) and pretend play,,,(said this doesn't really develop until a little later on for toddlers) and that I am reading too much into it all. Maybe I am...but I know my son too, I feel something is not the same.

I am afraid you all. He and I are dealing with a lot as it is. I am afraid for his future too. I don't want my son to not understand how much I love him...and I always want to know that he loves me too. I don't want that part to slip away.

Parents of ASD children and Aspie folks on here as well....please tell me a little more about ASD and Aspergers. I want to know about future goals and aspirations of those with ASD/Aspergers...Did you or they achieve what you wanted to in life?

How do you / they express and feel love? Is it the same? Did you/ they get married and fall in love? So many questions...

Thanks to anyone in advance! Sorry for rambling on!

Autism is not the end of the world, and if it turns out that your son does have it, he will do a lot better in life, if you love and accept him. Autism isn't the tradgety that most people make it out to be. If you really want to know about ASDs, than this site is the best place for you to do your research. Just be reading the posts that we all post here, you can learn a lot from each of us, who are members here at WP. If I were you, I'd avoid sites like Autism Speaks, as all they have to say about autism is all negative. WrongPlanet is the best site in which to learn about Asperger's Syndrome and other ASDs.

He doesn't seem to have AS though if he does I'm sure he will be fine.

I have AS, I have a boyfriend who lives with me (we love each other and understand what love is), I have a degree and I feel that I have a good life.

About AS in general, we vary in abilities. Some of us are better at the social stuff than others. We can love and be loved (expression may be different). Honestly we do have problems and sometimes it hurts but we also have the benifit of another way of looking at things and thinking about things. There are others here who will probably explain things better.

Although, I don't think your son has it. Parallel play is something that kids with AS will do but you can only see that from observing him with other kids.

Good luck either way.

Hi there,

It really is too early to tell. My son was diagnosed AS at 7 years old and he did some of the things that you mention when he was that age, but then so did other children who aren't autistic. Only time will tell, and it's usually when children start school that autistic traits become more noticeable.

My son is a lively, charming, intelligent little boy who has a small group of friends, and I have no more fears for his future than I would have if he weren't autistic.

You mention that you had a difficult pregnancy and that Hayden is likely to be your only child. You've had a difficult and emotional time over the past months and perhaps that is contributing to you being so fearful about your son and his future. Maybe it would be helpful for you to be able to talk to someone about your pregnancy and your son's health problems so far. My son was born prematurely and had surgery when only 6 weeks old and still very small. It's hard and it does take a toll on you.

Enjoy your son, take delight in him and remember to look after yourself too!

Please whatever you do, do not rush him to grow up.
He must do that at his own speed.

He sounds more like a "normal" kid than autistic. Your son is at the age where they are great imitators and will mimic anyone or anything they see in their environment...it sounds like he has a delightful time with nana.

My son was also born early, 15 weeks actually, and he has exhibited some of those behaviors. He has always rocked, even to the point of doing it so much against the side of his crib he has broken skin...and still did it with the sore. He also looked out of the corner of his eye, usually only doing that when he was walking beside a line, such as a chair rail. These of course, are red flags, but they aren't necessarily ASD.

A couple of things I find encouraging is that he babbles which is great. He also imitates, which is something my son did NOT do, AT ALL, until he was 3. Eye contact is also a good sign for him being NT. Also, parallel play is very normal for kids going into their 2's. I wouldn't worry about that yet. If you get him in preschool and you see him off to the side...then I may be concerned. Kids have to learn that, and they have to be around other kids to play with.

Honestly, from what I have read I would think that it is worth it to watch him and get to learn the milestones, maybe even have him monitored by early intervention but I wouldn't jump to an AS conclusion. These kids have a hard time coming into the world, and their brains aren't designed to develop outside of the womb, especially if there is a lot of drug intervention like there was with my son. Many of the delays he has, autism or not, are worked through with NT children the same way as ASD kids, so if you are addressing the milestone issues I wouldn't worry about a diagnosis yet. Your child is still very young, and probably has some scattered abilities, but I don't see anything from your post that would send me out for a diagnosis. I have learned also, that some developmental pediatritions diagnose everyone, and others won't diagnose kids that obviously have autism.

My son wasn't diagnosed until almost 4, but was in early intervention from the age of 2. He is doing great, has a lot of trouble with language and social skills, but he's loving and sensitive particularly to animals, is extremely intellegent and hard working and is the most wonderful thing in my life. ( he also hates kisses and has for a few years... Hugs are OK) I wouldn't change a thing about him. Keep an eye out, but I wouldn't worry yet. Just help him along where he gets stuck and he'll be fine.

If he is AS...welcome to the club! There are wonderful people in it!! !

Last edited by MommyJones on 04 Jan 2010, 11:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

It's understandable that a new mother worries for her son, in fact it's a really really good thing that you're doing this, but in all honesty, be patient ^_^

All of what you've mentioned so far can be autie/aspie traits, but at that age, they're really just baby traits. Give him a year and if he's still doing all of those then start to consider the possibility, especially if he doesn't start talking. But at the moment, let him be a babe.

Anyways, belated congratulations on your son.

I second that, I am AS a mom of two one AS ect one NT and have been a nanny for that age group I was also quite obsessed with child development. As far as I can see he is right on with speech , he makes eye contact (my son didnt) smiles responds appropriately . The only thing that caught my eye was the eye fluttering and rocking that can be a sign of a seizure type disorder . And as for fear no matter what he is diagnosed with he is healthy and responsive , my son is a delight I am happy he is not like the other boys. You are already dealing with a huge medical issue work on that fear is not productive.

Such an early diagnosis doesn't seem necessary because there is no 'cure'. Treat him like you always did, love him, and hope for the best. I'd encourage you to seek professional help in any case.

I think it is too early. But make a note of developmental markers. 24 months is quite early. That is when I was fist seen, they didn't have clue back then. I be surprised if he diagnosed with anything firm before 4.

If he were that young, and obviously had AS, you wouldn't be worried, so he certainly isn't showing anything along the lines of AS yet. The cutoff is officially supposed to be 3yo for that.

ALSO, you can't simply subtract 9mo from his conception to get his "corrected" age. If he is premature by 2 mo, it could take more than 2mo to recover. so being 1.5mo "behind" may not be behind at all. ALSO, a number of things could account for the symptoms. BTW at 12.5mo to have conversations, he is not behind THERE! To say words like doggie and mama, etc... I think the average age is about 6mo. To have conversations, even with up to 50% babbling is 2yo!

SO, it sounds like he is AHEAD in some areas. The fluttering eyes MIGHT be a seizure, and that is not that unusual for a premie. He MAY grow out of it.

The rocking could be a stim, but some NTs do thatt ALSO!

Some mothers are overtouchy and feel that any lack of reciprocation is hatred, etc... This is NOT the case and ESPECIALLY males tend to stop doing that at some point, if they ever start, and are ENCOURAGED to stop!

Thanks for all the kind words advice. I really appreciate it.
I hope to become a regular on here and get to know everyone.

Well, I talked to Hayden's ped and actually had an
appointment with him a couple days ago (Jan 4).

I went over all my concerns and fears. I took a toy with
wheels so he could watch Hayden spin. No need for the
toy, Hayden went after the wheels on the his chair!

He still didn't seem concerned. He said that Hayden is
doing normal play for his age because at his age, play is
somewhat repetitive and very "cause and effect".

He said children his age will spin wheels often like
that.

He stated that Hayden makes great eye contact,smiles,
responds to his name, communicates wants and dislikes,
interacts, and babbles "talks" appropriately for his age.

Rocking was also normal at that age too, it's used as a
comfort tool when bored, irritated, sleepy, scared etc.
His own son did it a lot and it's a very common concern
of many parents who come in to his office.

However, he did give Hayden a referral to see a
specialist for a evaluation. He didn't see any true
signs of anything at this present time.

HOWEVER, he realizes that a parent's instinct especially
when sensing something is wrong with their child, is a
powerful thing.If I wanted to get Hayden evaluated, then
that's more than enough reason to support me in that.

So, I am waiting for Hayden's appointment date. It will
be within the next 2 months maybe sooner than that. My
ped is really good friends with the psychologist doing
the evaluation, so I am lucky there.

I will keep everyone updated. In the mean time, I will
hang around here and ask questions, comment and research
if that's cool with everyone.

Honestly I think you are wasting your time (and probably money) with an evaluation. 12 1/2 months... what, is that like a year old? That's ridiculous. Wait until the kid enters school, where the teacher can bring up concerns to you and you can bring concerns to them if the child is having trouble.

NONE of that means ANYTHING more than he was OK with allowing you to go forward to console yourself.



I, for one, would love to hear the outcome, but the months of delay may make his diagnosis better and easier. Don't be shocked if he says NORMAL, or let's check again later.