Greetings from a Malaysian in cold Minnesota!
Hello guise!
Wow I can't believe I just opened a self intro thread. Usually I look past the new member introduction boards in online forums I frequent.
I came across a trailer for the movie 'Adam', and I couldn't help but notice that I have more in common with the protagonist than just our first names. I looked up Asperger's Syndrome in wikipedia, and found my way here.
I'm a 21 year old student from Malaysia currently studying (or rather, appealing against academic suspension) in university of Minnesota. I got an A- for a lab course, a C for its more important co-requisite and failed the rest. Its probably due to H1N1 leaving me in bed for 2 weeks, but I feel I should've done better. Instead, I suffered a complete meltdown from all the piling coursework and spent the remaining Fall semester sleeping and constantly refreshing this political forum I go to for world news, researching a new laptop to replace a stolen one and looking at pictures of soldiers and fighter jets. I felt crippled, dead inside. The pain still lingers, but winter break has been good.
I enjoy making things. I got interested in computers and built my own desktop. I then went on to making headphone amplifiers and assorted electronics. I guess this explains why I did well on the lab but screwed up the math/theory heavy class, also there was no final exam for the lab which means no pressure, and I do not like pressure. Since I first came here a year ago, my culinary skills improved tremendously thanks to not having mom around. I just baked brownies for a potluck too, and they loved me for it.
But only for the brownies...
For all my life I had trouble socializing. If it is a group of three or more, most of the time I am the odd one out. I listen, I peer in like an outsider, maybe an occasional witty comment, but I am very quiet. I am awestruck at how the other two talk to each other. Have they known each other since forever? How is it even possible? A smooth yet animated flow of conversation on seemingly petty topics about life and friends. I on the other hand find talking a chore, I do it only when necessary or when I think I should. Simply bewildering, that my sister 8 years younger than me has a much more fulfilling relationship with my parents than I do. I show virtually no emotion and could not care less for that of others, if I could even sense any. This bothers me when my parents or friends do me a nice gesture and expect a tangible expression of joy and gratitude. Some people think I am snobbish. I have difficulty remembering names. Simply put, I am mute and boring.
Is there something wrong with me? Could I be mentally ret*d? Maybe its all the lead in the solder fumes that is damaging my brain. Maybe its a long forgotten childhood of not having my parents around as they were studying abroad. Am I a robot? It is the word people use to describe me.
There is growing resentment toward NTs, and hatred towards myself. Fortunately I try to suppress it and approach things with guarded optimism. I trained myself to blend in and avoid conflict. This is currently paying dividends when it comes to my housemates who watches my back even though they pretty much ignore me in a social setting. Being muslim helps, as Islam calls for maintaining healthy relationships with family and friends and I do my best to follow despite feeling that I do not have much to contribute in one. Fasting for a month every year hones my patience when dealing with people too. Half an hour of reading through WP made me realize that I have it good, though I long for better.
Coming from Malaysia, they would put me in Hospital Bahagia (Happy Hospital?) should I tell people I have a mental syndrome of any kind. Therefore, now that I'm here in the enlightened States, should I get myself checked out? Where do I go and what are the benefits of me doing so? I did not know about Asperger's until only a few hours ago. I thought I'm the only one grappling with this issue, and somehow it did not occur to me there are many others. I fancy myself as a strong, unemotional piece of shiny metal robot figure, or a dolphin with lasers to shoot swimming terrorists with, going about my own many things and owing nobody anything. Now it seems like I'm looking for excuses for not doing well in school and life in general. It is however good that I am beginning to know what I am dealing with.
Here's hoping to a better life.
Eokboy
richie
Supporting Member
Joined: 9 Jan 2007
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 30,142
Location: Lake Whoop-Dee-Doo, Pennsylvania
To WrongPlanet! !!
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Life! Liberty!...and Perseveration!!.....
Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross references.....
My Blog: http://richiesroom.wordpress.com/
Welcome to the planet!
Not much unless you're a citizen, sadly.
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Every time you think you've made it idiot proof, someone comes along and invents a better idiot.
?the end of our exploring, will be to arrive where we started, and know the place for the first time. - T.S. Eliot
leejosepho
Veteran
Joined: 14 Sep 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,011
Location: 200 miles south of Little Rock
I spent some time in HaHa Hotel many years ago ...
Welcome!
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I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended at 59 ... right here on WrongPlanet.
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bonuspoints
Veteran
Joined: 23 Aug 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 598
Location: Washington state - *Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?*
Not much unless you're a citizen, sadly.
I disagree, I believe a diagnosis could have a great personal benefit. While I haven't shared my diagnosis with anyone, it came as a great comfort to me and allowed me to be more accepting of myself.
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Those who cannot tell what they desire or expect, still sigh and struggle with indefinite thoughts and vast wishes. - Emerson
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. - Oscar Wilde
Hello Eokboy, welcome, enjoy your stay on the Wrong Planet!
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1975, ASD: Asperger's Syndrome (diagnosed: October 22, 2009)
Interests: science, experimental psychology, psychophysics, music (listening and playing (guitar)) and visual arts
Don't focus on your weaknesses, focus on your strengths
Hey there Eokboy,
Welcome to Wrongplanet
Make a good start to join here and you can learn what it's like and what it really is, actually from a persons view who have aspergers and autism in any way.
Feeling comfortable? This is only the start of your quest here
happy posting
superboyian.
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BACK in London…. For now.
Follow my adventures on twitter: @superboyian
Please feel free to help my aspie friend become a pilot: https://gofund.me/a9ae45b4