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aspiejocelyn
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17 Jan 2010, 6:39 am

I'm from Australia and my bf is an 18 year old Aussie. I often feel that he doesn't love me that's why I'm starting to lose my love for him. He would just sit back and play video games and do nothing to make me happy. He usually tells me that he loves me but i can't feel it! I told him that we need to end the relationship because it's not working anymore but he just cried infront of me and promised me that he will try to make it work. It's been almost 5 months now since he promised to make it work but still, i can't feel his love for me. :cry: I'm getting bored of him. do you think i need to end this relationship?



Lene
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17 Jan 2010, 7:34 am

Is he an aspie? In that case he may have been expecting you to tell him everytime when you were unhappy, or may have forgotten what you said 5 months ago. Small frequent reminders may work better than waiting patiently for months to see if he's going to change. But aspergers is not a 'get out of jail free' card in relationships, and you should have seen some change, even if it's not the amount you were expecting or shown in the right way,

If you want to continue things with him, I think rather than telling him when the relationship is over (or as good as), maybe sit him down and explain exactly where things have gone wrong and what you are feeling in the relationship. Unfortunately, you will probably also have to come up with suggestions yourself about how he can make you feel better (i.e. tell him to take you to dinner or hug you more often) and they will have to be quite specific. It may seem artificial at first (i.e. he's only doing it becausee you told him to) but hopefully he'll eventually start doing things without being prompted.

That said, there are some guys out there who seem to think that all they need to do is the bare minimum, just enough to keep a girlfriend from dumping them i.e. the flowers come out when they forget to turn up to a date, but the rest of the time they hardly aknowledge you're there, or the tears and empty promises start everytime you look like you're going to walk out... My ex was like this, and it's hard not to be reminded of him when I read your post, but I do realise I can't judge from just one description of him.

If you're sure you've reached the end of your patience with the relationship, then I think you should end it; there's no point in being a martyr; it'll just lead to resentment. This time if he cries and says he'll change, just remind him that he said the same previously and walk off.



LostAlien
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17 Jan 2010, 7:41 am

I think being clear that your needs are not being met is a good idea.

Although, can you tell me what you expect from a relationship? Also, have you told him what you need?

He may love you and be unable to express it in a way you can understand or there may be another reason for his behaviour. But, an important thing, if you want to break up with the guy, do so. If you've explained what you need and have been ignored, think about what that may mean.

Big thing though, you are the person who should decide this. I think you know already what you want to do and don't feel you're permitted to do it (I admit I could be wrong about this last bit).



aspiejocelyn
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17 Jan 2010, 8:29 am

Lene wrote:
Is he an aspie?


Yes.



aspiejocelyn
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17 Jan 2010, 8:37 am

LostAlien wrote:

Although, can you tell me what you expect from a relationship? Also, have you told him what you need?


I just want him to let me feel that I'm (even a bit) somehow important to him. he pays much more attention to his rabbits and computer and I'm jealous with them.



LostAlien
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17 Jan 2010, 10:00 am

aspiejocelyn wrote:
LostAlien wrote:

Although, can you tell me what you expect from a relationship? Also, have you told him what you need?


I just want him to let me feel that I'm (even a bit) somehow important to him. he pays much more attention to his rabbits and computer and I'm jealous with them.


Have you told him how to do that? As Lene has said, you have to say exactly what you need him to do. If you need him to give you more hugs and kisses, you need to tell him that more hugs and kisses are a relationship need for you. If you need more time spent together, you need to say so. No one is a mind reader, communications and clarity are important in all relationships.

Think about what he could do to make you feel that he loves you, also think about how you express things. I find lists help, make a list of what he could do to meet your relationship needs and pick one or two things that you feel he can do and talk to him about this. He possibly thinks either that everything is fine or that if he doesn't talk about it that it won't remind you. If after a week or so nothing changes, think about what you think is best for you.



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17 Jan 2010, 1:41 pm

*FACEPLANT*

...why are you jealous of his rabbits and games? He's an aspie, he can't help being attached to those things. Maybe if you took interest in the games or the rabbits (offer to learn how to play one of the games if it's 2 player), you wouldn't be so jealous.

Aspies play games to relax. Getting bitched at while playing a game makes us very unhappy, as it makes us feel too much like OUR MOTHERS are the ones doing the bitching. Don't b***h at him about playing games unless you want him to feel like he's dating his mother.
BTW wtf is doing something to make you happy? Does HE know what to do to make you happy? Chances are he hasn't got the first clue.



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17 Jan 2010, 6:53 pm

I had to have a talk with my GF that we wernt very close and that we needed to do more ( we didnt kiss ok nothing serious! ) and IM the aspie :D so our releationship must have been bad if even the ASPIE of the releationship says it not working!


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17 Jan 2010, 6:59 pm

Mouldy wrote:
I had to have a talk with my GF that we wernt very close and that we needed to do more ( we didnt kiss ok nothing serious! ) and IM the aspie :D so our releationship must have been bad if even the ASPIE of the releationship says it not working!



So the OP was your gf? Did I read that right?



aspiejocelyn
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18 Jan 2010, 8:25 am

Spokane_Girl wrote:
Mouldy wrote:
I had to have a talk with my GF that we wernt very close and that we needed to do more ( we didnt kiss ok nothing serious! ) and IM the aspie :D so our releationship must have been bad if even the ASPIE of the releationship says it not working!



So the OP was your gf? Did I read that right?


He is not my boyfriend.



Mouldy
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18 Jan 2010, 2:52 pm

OP? whats that? im confused :?


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18 Jan 2010, 3:05 pm

OP=original poster (Person who posted the thread)



Daniella
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18 Jan 2010, 6:21 pm

Try asking him again. Ask yourself if you can live with things as they are after asking.
If it still doesn't work out, end it.
He probably needs someone more independent, and you probably need someone more sociable.



superboyian
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18 Jan 2010, 8:07 pm

aspiejocelyn wrote:
I'm from Australia and my bf is an 18 year old Aussie. I often feel that he doesn't love me that's why I'm starting to lose my love for him. He would just sit back and play video games and do nothing to make me happy. He usually tells me that he loves me but i can't feel it! I told him that we need to end the relationship because it's not working anymore but he just cried infront of me and promised me that he will try to make it work. It's been almost 5 months now since he promised to make it work but still, i can't feel his love for me. :cry: I'm getting bored of him. do you think i need to end this relationship?


I felt exactly the same when I had a girlfriend, I felt she didn't love me anymore and she felt the same and we sort of drifted apart and on top of that, we don't get to see much of each other anymore. :cry: she ended up going out with another guy who ended up dumping her.

Have you seriously tried to talk to him about and tell him exactly how you would feel, that's what I did, sometimes that might work for you? If anything doesn't improve within a month, then i would probably think about it?


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