Spot the Mistake

Post Reply New Topic

There is one small problem with your conversation, Ambivalence; your colleague was definitely offering an opening to get together, and you passed her up! when she said "I'm a bit lonely and starved for company up here.", that's your cue to jump in with "Yeah, I know what you mean, story of my life since I moved away from where I used to live." and then add "I haven't really talked to many of my old friends in awhile, and I think it'd be great if we could get together sometime, just for old times sake" I know it sounds pretty corny, but you gotta start somewhere! Just be aware of those subtle hints! Hope that helps.

I think you should have offered to hang out and plan something right as you two were talking about it. Provided you want to hang out with her.

Waiting a bit on that wasn't the best thing. She might have moved on from the idea by now.
If you talk to her, try to offer to hang out. If she doesn't, let her be.

When my now husband and I first started dating I'd ask him to do something via email and wouldn't hear back for days. I thought he "just wasn't into me" and was ready to give up. Turns out his internet was out and he had to check his email at the local library.

Don't give up!! ! Just give her some time. Sounds to me like she was hinting big time.

Sometimes when you IM people on Facebook (for example) - it can look like you're online when you're really not (you may have a window minimized, and Facebook doesn't always keep up as well as it should). If she logged out of FB (or another messenger), she may not have even known you IM'd her. Give it another shot.

She just wants sax. Saxophones, that is.

or, she could be feeling a lack of confidence, or even sadness, from her breakup and be withdrawn into herself sometimes....

as you see by now, nothing about the interaction was so cut and dried as to yield more than many possible guesses. i'd say definitely, try again.

Thanks everyone, much appreciated.

I agree. sounds fine to me. I think too aspies have tendency to second guess just knowing that we miss things, and might have again. But it sounds great. Any number of things could be going on.

As I stated earlier, I misread (I'm busy at work these days and often speed-read through the threads) and responded incorrectly--

Yes, she was begging, and yes, I think an opportunity was missed. She apparently isn't begging anymore -- someone else got there first.

Even I don't see it. Can somebody point out how an opportunity was missed? Ambivalence, are you still in contact with this person?

That has definately been my problem, most of the time I refuse its because someone wants to do something im not interested in doing, or im just not in a caring mood.

Yes -- there was a lot of "Hint HINT" in that conversation from her. When it comes to personal matters like being lonely or wanting company, women don't say things like that to just anyone. She was trying to get him/her (dunno the gender of the OP) to say "Hey, maybe I should come up there and keep you company!"

Waiting 3 days or however long it was killed the opportunity in this case. When lightning strikes, you gotta grab it.

Oh no, then I've been doing it all wrong throughout the years, I and somehow ended up with dates each time. Regardless of missing one opportunity, I don't think Ambivalence is doing anything wrong. The "general tone" used in the conversation even makes it look like it was about the two keeping their options open, not just a one-time event.

I agree with "women won't say that to just anyone," but being female, I would use the "maybe we can go there sometime" line when I mean sometime, not right then! After all, it was just threeish days, and now we can confirm that she's not interested anymore?

Even though I still don't see the "hints," thanks a lot for the reply, billsmithglendale. I appreciate the help. Also, good luck, Ambivalence.

Well it sounded like she was trying to get you to act exactly as you did. I don't know if maybe she was looking for more immediate plans?
Someone said something about seeming "desperate" by expressing that you were "lonely". But she expressed the same sentiment about being lonely. Seems unlikely. But for all I know, that could well be it!

She could have just changed her mind. Maybe met someone else by chance. Women can be fickle in these matters. Or she might have simply not checked her messages recently.

If it is some mistake you made, than it is a very subtle mistake, and if a mistake that subtle was enough to ruin your chance, it couldn't have been much of a chance in the first place.

Good luck in your future efforts.