I want to be the teenager I always wanted to be.. tips?
30 Jan 2010, 8:13 pm
What's up guys? I'm Nick!
First let me introduce myself and my Asperger's Syndrome story! And please read my whole story, thank you. And read want I like to know on bottom of the page. Sorry if it is too long!
I recently turned 16, I live in NYC, I listen Hip-Hop, I have great interest in the latest styles and I am probably the biggest one of the biggest sneaker-heads (Air Jordan's) in my area if not the biggest. I'm one who dresses to impress, and always gets compliments on my style and my taste in clothing. And I, probably like all of you when you were my age (assuming that I am not the only one), asked themselves over and over again 'Why don't I have any friends that actually care if I want to see them or want to talk to me' and 'Why can't I actually get a girl to want to be interested in me let alone have her look forward to seeing me'. I'm going to be honest, I never was in a real relationship, and the only time I ever was close, everyone told me she used me. Yeah, I did have many friends that are girls in my life, yet I still asked myself 'Why don't they wanna actually hangout with me or at least say hi to me without me always saying hi to her (on Facebook, AIM, and in person too). They knew who I was, but they didn't want to know me personally. I was known for being shy, and people even thought I was weird -_-. When i started to go out at age 13, the first actual time i was hanging out with my crew of friends that were boys, I literally got so many girls wanting to know me and wanting to hang out, and I'm not trying to brag but all the girls I met thought I was really good looking and hot and they were the ones who were just natural models(I was from a mostly Italian neighborhood so I was just obsessed with how good they looked as well). But as i said, I was just so shy and boring, which changed everyone's opinion once they got to know about me. When I met these girls, they were the ones to introduce themselves to me, and this one time I left my cell number on my friends myspace so he can call me when he wants to hangout, sounds stupid but so many girls called me and were literally 5 seconds away from coming to my house to knock down the door!
The issue is that mostly everyone that I meet wants to be my friend and get to know me, but they soon think I have no interest in that and they soon also realized I have problems, which I know from a fact that they're sure it's bipolar. I barely had any friends who wanted to actually spend time with me in the last two years or so, and it's just making me feel hated in so many ways. Whether or not they really do hate me, don't want anything to do with me, or just really want me to actually fix this problem and then they will accept me is beyond me. And i always wondered why they didn't say hi to me anymore. Now recently I made an effort to actually be outgoing, but when I am it's too obvious I am trying to hard. I still talk to people from then and I actually have friends from that time too, but it's not the same anymore. They think I'm weird because I am never out anymore, and I don't even seem to make an effort to say hi to them in person, while on facebook or aim, I actually talk to them. While wondering and wondering what was wrong, I eventually gave up and let faith come to me and I'll meet friends. About a week ago, I realized why asking myself this for so long. Something I never thought would be the cause, and something I never even fully understood or knew about, Asperger's Syndrome.
I was reading something about where I can get a job at age 16 in a question on yahoo answers and the person said 'I need a job where i can work inside my house, I have Asperger's Syndrome, I lack people skills, look it up.' So then I was curious to know more, surely to find out it was a form of Autism, which even though I was not exactly well informed on this, I did not have anything interference in their pursue of happiness because i thought 'I can't judge a person for what he didn't want or choose' after all I figured they might never live a life of enjoyment and will never be considered normal. So I honestly did not try to get to know an Autistic person because I thought I we didn't have any similar interests or ideas of fun and I didn't want to accidentally hurt their feelings. And to be honest I did not think people with Autism were 'stupid' people as some may be ignorant because whenever i thought about people with Autism or on the Autistic spectrum, I felt so much sympathy that I didn't to even bother to put much thought about maybe just maybe They're okay with how God, or whoever wanted them to be made. Wow, talk about a touching subject, but it had never occurred to me that we were similar and that this was how I really was, I just never put much thought into who I was, rather than why am I so shy and unwanted where something was wrong with me. I'm not officially diagnosed, yet I know I just know that I have it, by looking back at my early life. I remember such times where I was talking to people and I didn't even focus about how they were saying what they were and what they meant, rather what am I going to say to reply. And yes, I always felt that I had to think on how to say a sentence according to how everyone else would say it for it to make sense, I just didn't have the slightest clue that it wasn't how everyone else said it really to make sense. And there are too many to list on what I see that is the reason I am sure about this, so I'll get right to the point. When I realized, I was so upset that i wasn't 'normal' because i was reading everywhere about people who never had friends in their life because of this.
Overnight I came to realize that I'll just have to accept who I am, because their really is nothing that I can do to actually permanently get rid of Asperger's. So really I am just asking for advice on how to actually have a real friendship with people. And I know that I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and suddenly have friends, but I just want to know how I can make people want to get to know me. So yeah, I'm not going to deny the fact that I am probably going to hear that I should just forget about living a life with everyone accepting you and just be happy with who I am, but It's so hard to explain why that is not possible! I lived all of my life so far under the impression that I was just shy and I didn't know how to talk to girl and make them interested in you, so I doubt I am going to change who I talk to. I just want to hear from anyone really who has had luck with keeping friends, whether you have Asperger's Syndrome, Autism, or not. I wanna be accepted by my friends and if you don't think I can do this than please do not bother to help. I do not want to come off as being defiant or not accepting of who I am because I believe I can be strong enough to not have this as a burden, yet have it as a thing that is part of me.
So really here what i want to ask but if this has been asked to many times already and you don't want me to waste space on this forum, then lock away. But if you want make my dream hopes come true, then God bless you
-I really would like to know what it is to keep a friendship healthy in terms of how to let people know you miss them or want to see them
-How do NT girls accept in terms of terms of getting to know them and eventually hanging out with them
-How do I get a NT girl to actually be comfortable with talking and trusting to me and wanting to be more than just friends
-How to be able to understand what people mean by facial expressions or anything in the lines of that
-How should I tell people that I have Asperger's so at least if they thought I never wanted to be their friend or I never had interest in them, they will at least understand why
-How to deal with clumsiness induced by Asperger's so I can play Basketball, Football, and other sports with my friends
-How I can work on having better eye contact with people
-How to overcome the part of me that doesn't know if I should say hi to a person I know in real life or on Facebook and such
-How to know when what you are saying is annoying people and how to control it
-How to develop self confidence that will make me live like it is merely a lack of ability to communicate that makes me different then others
-How to know what will and won't hurt a persons feelings and how to know what is meant as a compliment, joke, or insult
-How to develop a sense of humor so I can know when i should laugh and know how to make others laugh
-How to know what you should say sorry to meaning how to know if I hurt someones feelings or just made them think I'm annoying
-How to look past the people who are don't like you as them just not understanding you and how to one day if possible make them understand you
-Anything else that i didn't mention that will help me out
If anyone knows of anything that I should know about such as diets, supplements, or guidance treatments that can serve as treatment to help me, please do not be shy to share
And thats about it, and I hope I didn't really offend anyone while making reading this as I didn't plan too and I hope everyone understands that I don't want anything to stand in my way to be the person that I thought I can be, and I hope if anything I will make others want to be this way to if not.
In the meantime, I am going to find out more about myself and more exactly Asperger's is so I can fully respect myself the way I want others to respect me. And yes, I will make sure i have this as well, so in the meantime please give me advice.
Thank you for your time and God bless you!
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