Smiling

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Does your child with AS smile? Mine virtually never does, not ever. He will laugh sometimes at things he finds funny, but it is sort of a maniacal, overdone, too loud laugh.

I asked him the other night if he was happy. He said pretty much. I asked if anything would make him happier. More trains was the response, but then he said he also realized that there's no room for more trains at this point. He also agreed he's not sad, and not angry. I asked him point blank about smiling (he doesn't even smile at birthdays or Christmas, or upon receiving a new train!) and he said he "smiles on the inside".

I have family members who don't know what joy is, and I don't want him to grow up lacking joy in his heart, or soul, or wherever. I know we can't all be happy 24/7, but a basic sense of "ok-ness" with yourself and your life is important to your overall wellbeing I think.

Do other parents find that their kids don't smile either? (My aspie husband is also not a smiler at all. He also doesn't laugh hardly at all, fortunately he doesn't have that horribly inappropriate laugh).

hm. Interesting insight.

No, D is not a great smilier. He does have a good laught though.

I think he's happy, even if not smiling. He seems content.

I'll have to ask him if he's happy.

Dylan would be considered HFA and he smiles and laughs. He's got a beautiful smile when he chooses to share it. I have AS and people say I don't smile much.

My dad and I always used to laugh and smile and crack jokes. Two of my kiddoes are like that also, altho my son does crack jokes - they just aren't always funny! I guess I miss seeing smiling faces, and being so NT not seeing an outward sign of a positive emotion I have to automatically assume there's a negative one there!!

Funny thing is, my son does get very unhappy at times, when things don't go his way for example, and shows that *very* clearly on his face. Kind of leaves me puzzled at times!

I guess the important thing is that he's feeling happy on the inside. The smiling is just communicating it to you. Too bad though; it does feel nice to see someone smile. I'd imagine if I had a child who was happy but never communicated it, that I'd miss him/her smiling, too. But moreso for my own self-satisfaction.

my hubby doesn't smile much, yet he can crack a joke that will have you peeing in your pants...
my son doesn't smile much either, and when he does it's one of those cheesy grins~the one where all of your teeth are showing.

J smiles, but it's usually over done. He has a hard time with picture day, but every now and then we get a good one.

We've finally gotten the idea and stopped doing picture day. Aside from the fact that he doesn't do well with being touched by strangers - even a tap to move his knee this way or shoulder that way - but all his pictures come out looking like either a practice run for his drivers license or like they should have numbers under them!

If I'm having a humuorous face-to-face conversation with someone, I tend to smile a lot. If not then I don't usually. I've also found that online I forget to put emoticons - I forget that I'm supposed to use them to convey the mood of my post I have to actually think about it usually!

I guess the gods are taking me to task for asking for too much - unfortunately our son had a real whopper of a meltdown last night. It's been 4-5 months since he's had a bad one, and this was far worse than that one. It was a head-banging, arm-flapping, toy-breaking, screaming, bouncing time at our house last night. And I could punch myself, because it was my fault. He got his shower and came out to say goodnight, and I noticed he had sprayed on his body spray (waaaay too much but I didn't say anything). He said he wanted to mousse his hair in the morning, (he knows he has hair??) and did he look good in this outfit. Ok, now I'm thinking somebody stole my kid. [note for clarity; since he was in kindie my son showers at night and dresses for school then goes to bed. to do it in the morning would mean either rising at 3 am or him never going to school]

Well, instead of smiling and saying Ok Honey, I went with it. I said wow, you look great - are you dressing for something special? That was it. Game/point/match.

Now I have to go to the home building supply store tonight to buy a new door for his room (another one, how many does this make?) and a gallon jug'o'putty. I really should be getting a discount there by now. I'm on a first name basis.

I got him to bed, still whimpering, at 11. Naturally I was up till 1am crying.

I vow to be happy with him smiling on the inside from now on

so sorry to hear your night was bad....we had one like that a few weeks ago~i didn't think before i spoke, and evidently offended my son greatly........what a mess it was ! hope today went better

I'm beginning to wonder just what kind of parents we are.

After my faux pas got the whole meltdown machine running, our son did finally go to school on Friday. I called his counsellor to warn her of his foul mood, and he refused to go down for his session that day.

So I'm at work all day, and loving husband picks that day to steam clean all the carpets. Which would be fantabulistic (hehe) except it involves cleaning the kids' bedrooms first, picking up junk off the floor, etc. (husband is an aspie who I think has OCD as well). He organizes both kids' rooms. (this is where the fit hits the shan).

Son comes home from school, still not in a great mood, but wants to just go to his room, play his games, and get away from the world - his usual after school activity. I get a phone call at work from son screaming his lungs out. Dad rearranged his *whole* room. Ugh. The meltdown continues, since he can't locate a couple of needed "cheat" books for his PS2 games, and his stuff has been moved and changed. By the time I came home from work 90 minutes later I was concerned he'd need hospitalization.

We are just in the last hour coming out of the woods. His one friend called, and I told my son if he pulled it together and calmed down he could have company. It's been quiet for a half hour now

Really I'm starting to feel like it's *me* who's going to need a nice stay in a quiet place. I feel like I'm dancing around the edges of a nervous breakdown. A good night's sleep (what's that?) may help.

^^ Don't worry , smiling is just a face expression i am sure that he smiles in inside ....trust me ! And he ll learn to express it on his face when he get older!

Sorry to hear about the tandem meltdowns Aspiemom. I have had the phit hit the shan as well for tidying up AS son's room, but I draw the line at moldy foor and stinky clothes. We have compromised, I will not "organize" his things. Of course if you looked at my space near the computer, you may very well want to "organize" my things too

Smile, try to do somehting for you and have you pondered any respite for him and you?

QA

I am sorry about your meltdown those are Never fun (((HUG)))

My son does not smile like all the time but he does, however he too has that maniac too laud laugh!

Well this week is "spring break" which mean the teachers get a break!! Unfortunately we have no family nearby (not that I would necessarily trust any of them with him anyway...) so it is just hubby and me.

I have gone to my respite - work! We have lots planned this week to keep him from suffering from "no schedule-itis", so hopefully we have made it to the surface and can keep breathing fresh air, at least for a few more months until another hit.

It's one thing when these come out of nowhere but when you bring them on yourself... ugh.

I hope you are right, lepetit prince, he has such a gorgeous face, and pretty mouth, that a smile would be a fantastic thing on him!

Thanks to all of you, I feel like I've been inside a tornado since Thursday night but your words of wisdom have helped me through.