People arguing with you about something when they are wrong

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League_Girl
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07 Feb 2010, 4:00 pm

I blocked a new friend on msn because we were arguing over something and she was wrong. I corrected her and she said "nah" and kept thinking she was right when she was clearly wrong. So I blocked her because I don't deal with idiots. I even tried to show her proof and she was still too stupid to believe it.

Does it bug anyone when people arguing with you over something they are wrong about? For example my husband and I argued over Mt. St Helens having lava. I said it only had gas and all this smoke and ash and there was no lava and he said there was. So we argued and I got mad at him. Then we came home and he looked it up and sees I was right. I also hate it when he sometimes argues with me about directions because he is always wrong. He has very poor sense of direction and I have a very good sense so he can't argue with me about what direction we came from and where a place is at what direction. I don't know why this gets to me but it always makes me angry when people argue with me about something they are wrong about. This seems so silly but it always makes me so angry and I feel I want to strangle them. I remember seeing that one South Park episode where two men thought they were right about something in Star Trek and it got to both of them they wouldn't even speak to each other. I thought it looked so silly and ridiculous. It even pissed me of when my ex argue with me about something he is wrong about so I would always go online to dig up proof I am right to show how stupid he was for arguing with me. It once gave me a meltdown when we had an argument over when Bush won the election. He said 1999, I said it was 2000 and he got mad at me when I screamed.


Anyone else have this silly issue?



Last edited by League_Girl on 10 Feb 2010, 5:52 am, edited 2 times in total.

neves
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07 Feb 2010, 4:30 pm

Oh boy, I know this is serious, and my response will be, too, in a second. But reading this is almost making me cry laughing, because I have the exact same thing.

People can be wrong about many things, and still be consistent with their opinion no matter what anyone else says. I find this horribly annoying, since I believe people get confused easily (for example: your husband thinks Bush got elected in 1999, because Annette Bening won an Oscar for her part in 'American Beauty' that year, and her surname starts with a B and so does George's so it's The Truth). See? And then you try to convince him that it's otherwise. Many people have a hard time admitting their wrongs, I think.

Lord knows it is really annoying when something like this happens, but what's even worse is that you end up in screaming matches over it. (I hate it when people tell me this, but:) Truly, and I mean in the deepest of the deepest of your mind, is it truly that important that your husband - or anyone about anything - knows Bush got elected in 2000, or is it just enough that you know it? And is it that important that you will fight the person you love (or just the lady behind the counter at a store?). At least YOU are right. Knowing that might make you feel a little better? Plus - and this is why I don't do screaming matches over these things: the likelihood of you being chosen as a help line on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire is probably a lot bigger than theirs. :P



League_Girl
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07 Feb 2010, 4:45 pm

That was my ex who thought Bush was elected in 1999.

It is not an opinion if it's a fact you're wrong about.

The sky is green, that's my opinion. :wink:



Ladarzak
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07 Feb 2010, 6:26 pm

The other poster is right: knowing a fact or not is not worth screaming about. It's a challenge to keep one's cool sometimes, but really there is a more important issue here than whether you are right or wrong. Figure out what your real needs are and learn to express them effectively, and you could have a different outcome than anger and a screaming match and so on. Marshall Rosenberg has some good materials online on how to work through these kinds of interpersonal issues.

By the way, from Wikipedia:

>The mountain includes layers of basalt and andesite through which several domes of dacite lava have erupted.

So, technically, Mount St. Helen's did and does have lava. It just wasn't lava that was the main component of the famous recent eruption.



pensieve
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07 Feb 2010, 7:24 pm

My mum always argues once I've corrected her. It's over stupid things like FB applications too. Get over it woman.
That's why I always look up facts so I have enough ammo to get someone to shut up. It never works though.
A politician (that I didn't much like) once said to me "knowledge is empowerment' and I took it to heart.


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SirLogiC
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07 Feb 2010, 10:15 pm

I hate it when I argue like that then later find out I am wrong :oops:

Usually am right but I get over it now. Normal people just don't care that much about it.



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07 Feb 2010, 10:22 pm

I did this with my stepdad all the time when I was younger. Usually about math, he was very good at math in school and he helped a lot during the early years. But once I started geometry and formulas he couldn't keep up and didn't take it well. Technically it wasn't even me he was argueing with, it was the textbook.

Every single time he started to argue about a formula I showed him the textbook. Once he stubbornly dismissed what was written, he dismissed the freaking textbook, so I threw it at his face. :lol:


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League_Girl
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07 Feb 2010, 10:53 pm

SirLogiC wrote:
I hate it when I argue like that then later find out I am wrong :oops:

Usually am right but I get over it now. Normal people just don't care that much about it.



Yeah I also hate it when I am wrong and then I feel stupid. I have gone through those with one of my online friends who is also aspie and we occasionally get into these silly arguments. We both argue over a fact and think we are both right and I be getting pissed off at him. I just tell him to show me proof and he would. I was wrong every time. :oops:



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07 Feb 2010, 11:38 pm

I am a SOOOO much a compulsive arguer it's funny. :lol:

When people dismiss a fact as "just your opinion" it really ticks me off.


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alex
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07 Feb 2010, 11:46 pm

pensieve wrote:
My mum always argues once I've corrected her. It's over stupid things like FB applications too. Get over it woman.
That's why I always look up facts so I have enough ammo to get someone to shut up. It never works though.
A politician (that I didn't much like) once said to me "knowledge is empowerment' and I took it to heart.


haha does she play farmville?



pensieve
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08 Feb 2010, 12:01 am

alex wrote:
pensieve wrote:
My mum always argues once I've corrected her. It's over stupid things like FB applications too. Get over it woman.
That's why I always look up facts so I have enough ammo to get someone to shut up. It never works though.
A politician (that I didn't much like) once said to me "knowledge is empowerment' and I took it to heart.


haha does she play farmville?

I think so. She plays cafe world and zoo world. She was complaining that on Zoo World they put the same animals on the feed and I'm like 'it's an automatic thing'. Of course she denied it was. I just put myself in the developers shoes. They must get so much crap from people that are addicted to those apps that want an app to work their way.


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08 Feb 2010, 12:22 am

Well - I have been wrong. I was wrong about smething yesterday, ctually. And I have argued when I was wrong. But I usually do not say anything unless I am REALLY sure. The worst case, though.

I am 1/4 of two couples sharing a vacation cottage. We have agreed to share food costs. I and X go out to get the first groceries - pay out of my pocket. Come back. The Other couple now expects US to put in cash for half the food. They never did get it [I TRIED]. And hated my guts for being a cheapskate who tried to bilk them.



bigdave
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08 Feb 2010, 12:38 am

I really hate arguing but seem to get into it a lot. Mostly with my dad and sister. I always have to correct them when there wrong about something. Its always assumed that I am just speaking my opinion and not fact. It frustrates me because I only make a correction when I know I am right and can prove it.



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08 Feb 2010, 3:42 am

Philologos wrote:
Well - I have been wrong. I was wrong about smething yesterday, ctually. And I have argued when I was wrong. But I usually do not say anything unless I am REALLY sure. The worst case, though.

I am 1/4 of two couples sharing a vacation cottage. We have agreed to share food costs. I and X go out to get the first groceries - pay out of my pocket. Come back. The Other couple now expects US to put in cash for half the food. They never did get it [I TRIED]. And hated my guts for being a cheapskate who tried to bilk them.


Wouldn't that be accurate though?

If you're 1/4 of two couples...that means there are 4 people there.

If they expect you and your husband to pay half for the groceries, that would totally make sense.



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08 Feb 2010, 7:37 am

Some people just enjoy arguing the toss for its own sake - which is fine between consenting adults.

I can see only two ways to go when faced with a factual disagreement. Key question : does the question have a definitive answer somewhere that can be looked up, that both parties will accept as final? If it does, tell them to wait till there's chance to look it up. It's a good time to suggest a small wager on the outcome. If there is no definitive answer that both parties will accept, then you are in the land of personal opinion, and the argument cannot be resolved unless the parties are both interested in modifying their position. So if you dislike argument, it's probably worth saying something like "look, there's no definitive answer to this, so let's just agree to differ, eh?"

I think a lot of arguments are not really about disputed facts at all. Often they're about emotional problems between the contestants, that neither party feels able to talk about directly, so it displaces onto something less delicate. And quite often the one doing the displacing doesn't know they're doing that.

I'm happy enough to argue with people who have some "give" in them, (i.e. actually listening), and I might enjoy something like a debating society where the whole point would be to win regardless of the truth, but I don't like it when people suddenly get dogmatic with me and don't listen to reason. It's like finding I'm halfway through a game of chess without anybody having said "care for a game of chess?" I'm much more at home with people who want to explore unknown issues with me with an open mind. Even there I'm reluctant to contradict too harshly.....contradicting seems to be one of the things that can upset people, so as usual with potentially hurtful actions, I find myself being very careful with it, because I'm hopeless at discerning how acceptable my contradiction may be, for any given instance.

One of the nicest couples I know have very interesting dynamics when they talk - if one contradicts the other, then the other may argue back for one "round," but they never let it go beyond two rounds before one of them says something concessionary like "well, yes, you've got a point there." I guess their friendship is more important to them than being seen to be right all the time. 8) Personal pride can be a colossal threat to friendship.

"She knows too much to question, to argue or to judge" Bob Dylan



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08 Feb 2010, 8:45 am

Ever since I could talk and understand the concept of verbal language my parents told me I should be a lawyer when I grew up my father says I would argue with a dead man until the cows came home. A person would make some insanley stupid acusation based on preassumptions with no proof whereas I had proof or could optain it very easily. It was usualy something about animals (my main special intrest) such as meerkat being spelled with a C or that penguins don't live in tropical biomes. As a child I would argue and argue until I got so frustrated with their ignorance I lashed out at the other person physicaly. So yes; in a way I really would stab you if you spelled meerkat with a C. It took years but as I grew older I figured, "Why do I even bother to educate these morons?" Now as an adult if some ignorant person says something dumb and dosen't want to be corrected. Fine, let them be an idot.


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