Page 1 of 3 [ 37 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

Beatlegal
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 21 Sep 2008
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 107

13 Feb 2010, 10:39 pm

Okay,
My parents are expecting me to be in a relationship so they can have grandkids. I happen to be asexual because I'm not comfortable with doing the you-know-what. Whenever I tell them that I'm asexual, they think it's a bunch of nonsense. I tried to get a guy to like me in high school, but he said "I have to think about college." Translation: I have a girlfriend who is normal and priettier than you.



pensieve
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,204
Location: Sydney, Australia

13 Feb 2010, 10:45 pm

Nothing wrong with it at all. Your parents can't make the choice for you in this area, it's all up to you.
I wish I was asexual sometimes.


_________________
My band photography blog - http://lostthroughthelens.wordpress.com/
My personal blog - http://helptheywantmetosocialise.wordpress.com/


pineapple
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Apr 2006
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 573
Location: california

13 Feb 2010, 11:02 pm

Sometimes it seems like you can't win with parents. Either you're having too much sex or not having enough. I've never understood this whole "you need to give us grandkids" things...it's YOUR life, afterall.



Vince
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 688
Location: Sweden

13 Feb 2010, 11:23 pm

Just tell them "If you so desperately want grandchildren before you die, you'd better hurry up and make more kids."


_________________
I'm Vince. I make the music. And puppet.
http://www.swenglish.nu


MorbidMiss
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jul 2009
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 333

13 Feb 2010, 11:56 pm

http://www.cnn.com/2004/TECH/science/10 ... index.html

If you don't like it, you don't like it. Although if it is more you do not feel comfortable for reasons other than simple lack of desire then perhaps you might look into counseling. Not to make you more "normal", just to address why it makes you so uncomfortable.

As for grandchildren, I do look forward to being a grandmother at some point, but Child Free is becoming increasingly popular and if you do not want to be a parent that is your choice. They should respect that. With four children of my own I think my chances of all of them deciding against it are not fantastic, so I don't think I'll ever feel the need to push them.



faithfilly
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 680

14 Feb 2010, 12:19 am

I'm surprised at how few people know about asexuality. Why is it so hard for "normal" people to understand and/or believe that not everyone is like them? :?


_________________
"Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?" declares the LORD. "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word." – Isaiah 66:2


PinkieOfDoom
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 25 Apr 2005
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 68
Location: CT

14 Feb 2010, 8:38 am

It's weird. My mom told me one day that if I thought I was a lesbian she'd still love me, and I told her I wasn't so we left it at that. That was several years ago.

Last spring I told her I was bisexual and she was like, "Oh" and then got on my case about it like it was y fault for joining rugby (it's known for being a gay team at my university). At some point she said, "I just want you to experience a man" (I'm assuming she meant sexually). I've been with a man and it wasn't that great, but everytime I'm with a girl, I'm really happy. I've been with two girls and they left me feeling good about myself, better than when I went out with a guy.

I wouldn't dare ever tell my dad.

My point is, my mom wants me to be with a guy, but she doesn't understand how hard it is for me to date one considering that no guys seem interested in me, even though there are some. But it's just easier for me to be with girls because at some point they at least let you know they are interested. Plus, my sister has two kids, do my parents really need more grandkids.

I always planned to have kids anyway, so my mom shouldn't be worried, but still, it just bothers me, the whole situation...


_________________
Early to rise
Early to bed
Makes a man healthy
But socially dead


Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 42,016
Location: Houston, Texas

14 Feb 2010, 9:18 am

PinkieOfDoom wrote:
It's weird. My mom told me one day that if I thought I was a lesbian she'd still love me, and I told her I wasn't so we left it at that. That was several years ago.

Last spring I told her I was bisexual and she was like, "Oh" and then got on my case about it like it was y fault for joining rugby (it's known for being a gay team at my university). At some point she said, "I just want you to experience a man" (I'm assuming she meant sexually). I've been with a man and it wasn't that great, but everytime I'm with a girl, I'm really happy. I've been with two girls and they left me feeling good about myself, better than when I went out with a guy.

I wouldn't dare ever tell my dad.

My point is, my mom wants me to be with a guy, but she doesn't understand how hard it is for me to date one considering that no guys seem interested in me, even though there are some. But it's just easier for me to be with girls because at some point they at least let you know they are interested. Plus, my sister has two kids, do my parents really need more grandkids.

I always planned to have kids anyway, so my mom shouldn't be worried, but still, it just bothers me, the whole situation...


You shouldn't care what others think. You should date someone you truly connect with.

I am grappling with the same situation myself.


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!


MissConstrue
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,046
Location: Missouri

14 Feb 2010, 10:20 am

You're an adult I'm assuming so you should be free to do whatever the hell you want with your life.

Being an adult also means being emancipated from your guardians. If they can't understand that, then it's their problem not yours.


Unless of course you live in a society where you're not free to decide.....


_________________
I live as I choose or I will not live at all.
~Delores O’Riordan


CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 102,098
Location: In a quiet and peaceful garden where Mick Avory-like Sweet Peas grow

17 Feb 2010, 7:32 am

You should feel free to do whatever you want.


_________________
Mick

Kanye West 2020

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26&start=645


IslandAspie
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 13 Feb 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 54

18 Feb 2010, 3:36 pm

There's not a thing at all wrong with you, dear, and your parents are clearly having an impossible time seeing what an intelligent, thoughtful and HONEST daughter they have.

So many parents wish they could have that kind of open communication with their kids. Your parents are missing something very, very important that stretches far beyond the mere content of what you are saying to them in proclaiming such a delicate, private, and - yes (as far as they are concerned) unusual truth about yourself.

The pressure they continue to apply to you to have children (especially at your young age, which I am guessing is in your mid teens to early 20s) in spite of the information you have bravely shared with them - and this part really troubles me - and in spite of your diagnosis - is a reflection of how completely these people lack any understanding of who you are as a girl growing up facing the AS challenge.

I think some basic education may be in order for your parents. Perhaps you can locate sources of information which clearly demonstrate that your asexuality is completely within the norm for someone with AS. You can then ask them to sit down with you, present this information to them and have a discussion about it so that more understanding can grow between you.

No woman - anywhere on this planet - should be forced into motherhood against her will. It only creates more problems for humanity as a whole.

~IslandAspie~


_________________
I don't have a disorder, I'm wired for a higher purpose.


matrixluver
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 19 Oct 2008
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 163

22 Feb 2010, 8:06 pm

what business it is of your parents what you do in the bedroom, or don't do. It's your body. I agree with the above poster, though. There is a difference between true asexuality and avoidance due to other issues. If you want to have a sexual experience but are uncomfortable, it's not likely you will be happy with asexuality. But if you really feel no desire, then why bother?



tweety_fan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Oct 2007
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,555

25 Feb 2010, 5:09 am

Beatlegal wrote:
Okay,
My parents are expecting me to be in a relationship so they can have grandkids. I happen to be asexual because I'm not comfortable with doing the you-know-what. Whenever I tell them that I'm asexual, they think it's a bunch of nonsense. I tried to get a guy to like me in high school, but he said "I have to think about college." Translation: I have a girlfriend who is normal and priettier than you.



what u do in the bedroom is your business.

You should be free to live your life your way.



murasaki_ahiru
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jun 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 322
Location: Australia

25 Feb 2010, 8:50 pm

Ive been with one guy officially(I would been married by now maybe but I lost him in a accident :( ) .

Found it hard to find someone else and to be honest with you whilst I am interested going through alot of trouble and money to try to get a guy is a waste imo. They wouldn't like me to begin with and the ones who do seem interested aren't up to my standards anyway.

Because I am a private person and don't make a song and dance about my love life there would be people who would think Im gay. News flash Im not!

I think that because I m not in a relationship and thinking of marriage and kids at my age, friends of the family think this way about me Im totally convinced of this. That or see me as a sad retard to feel sorry for because of the Aspergers. :roll:. One of the cons of coming out of the Aspie closet peoples attitudes and treatment of you can change in a snap. Went off on my own little rant here.

So Beatlegal I totally understand where you are coming from.



zee
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2007
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,280
Location: on a cloud

26 Feb 2010, 2:05 pm

Of course it's OK. But I wonder if this is a life-long thing.

For the past five years at least, I've had absolutely no interest in sex at all, but when I was in my teens and early twenties I had quite a high sex drive and would masturbate often. But now I have absolutely no desire at all.

I've heard that women's sexual drive peaks later in life, so maybe it will come back??



Rose_in_Winter
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Sep 2009
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 741
Location: Kansas City, MO

27 Feb 2010, 9:22 pm

There is nothing wrong with being asexual. It's certainly less common than the opposite, but that doesn't make it wrong. And there are even different kinds of asexuality...for example, I have one friend (a guy) who enjoys his body's response to sexual stimuli but is not attracted to people (or animals or objects or anything) in a sexual way. Then there are asexuals who simply don't respond to sexual stimuli in any way. Whatever the case, it's not wrong, it's just the way you are.