Do you find neurotypicals rather confusing sometimes

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I have neurotypical friends but they seem so strange to me sometimes. For example, I don't get this whole attention seeking thing. Why would anyone want negative attention? I love getting a compliment but I'd much rather people ignore me than insult me and every other person with Asperger's that I know seems to feel the same way. I also don't really get how they insist on touching everyone. I am willing to shake hands and hug now but it still seems rather pointless. I appreciate a hug because it is a display of caring and affection but apparently some neurotypicals like the tactile feeling. They also expect you to know what they are feeling by reading their face instead of them telling you. If you want someone to know how you're feeling, why not just tell them? What neurotypical things seem bizarre to you?

I remember in my last few jobs that the people always seemed to want to take long tea breaks to discuss whatever it is that they discuss, I could never understand this as far as I was concered if I took a break it just meant I wasn't doing my job, so I never ever took the breaks, I preferred to get through all my workload (if I have tasks I have to do I find it very difficult to stop until I have completed everything I have to do first) even my teachers noticed that I never had time for 'small talk'.

I also find the whole concept of makeup thoroughly baffling...I don't think it makes people look any prettier, it just makes them look like they have paint on their faces and I don't understand the wearing of perfume, it's such an awful smell!! To me it's like you're trying to hide your real smell for some reason, either that or they're trying to mask the fact they didn't have a wash? The mix of human smell with artificial smells is thoroughly repugnant, and then people will sniff each other's perfume and then a conversation will start based on the smell and the cost and what the smell smells like!

The touching thing you mentioned aziraphale is another one I don't get, my mum touches me sporadically when I'm doing things for her on the computer, and I HATE it. I don't understand the touches or taps, they don't seem to punctuate anything, it's like the touch version of someone making a random noise. Or when family you don't know that well greet you with a hug, I don't understand that and I don't like it either....NT's are too 'touchy-feely' for me!

The thing that I don't get is how Nt females always talks about hot men, celebrities and makeup, and they expect me to be into the same things.

For example, I don't get this whole attention seeking thing. Why would anyone want negative attention?

For some people, attention makes them feel special.
For many NTs, they are their special interests. Aspies like to talk about their special interests, NT like to talk about themselves and like people to talk about them. They feel special in that way, because they are their own special interests. They are more interested in themselves than any thing else, and want everyone to be interested in them too.


I also don't really get how they insist on touching everyone. I am willing to shake hands and hug now but it still seems rather pointless.

Touching means trust, and trust is a sign love. When someone is near you, and can touch you, they can harm you. Shaking hands and other 'touching' greetings, are meant to display trust. By engaging in a greeting that makes you totally vulnerable to the person, you are tacitly (non-verbal) saying you trust him/her to not harm you, even though he/she is close enough to harm you if he/she wants to. It's a sign of friendship and love, when someone allows themselves to be touched.


They also expect you to know what they are feeling by reading their face instead of them telling you.If you want someone to know how you're feeling, why not just tell them?

Just because NTs know what they are feeling doesn't mean that they know how to tell people how they are feeling. Words can mean very different things depending on the immediate situation that people are experiencing. Aspies struggle with this severely, but NTs also find it challenging. When people have strong emotions, words actually can become dangerous and the more general and natural emotions of the face or body language is appropriate and less threatening.
One can not use the same words in talking when you are happy or sad. One's emotions and context changes the meaning of words.



What neurotypical things seem bizarre to you?

I find it bizarre that people can be so committed to religious and political affiliations.

I, too, find it odd that NTs like their "bandwagons" so much (referring to the comment about religious and political affiliations). I have very strong and specific beliefs and views but back away from joining a crowd, especially since it seems far too probable that what they stand for as a group is likely to morph into something I cannot support. Of course, I don't mean we shouldn't join the church of our choice. I feel that it's the one thing I needed to make the effort to do, and I'm glad I did. I'm just referring to the special groups I like to refer to as "Boycotting Bible Thumpers", "Robo-Right-Wingers", or "Loogie-Lobbing Left-Wingers". You get my drift.

Also, what is with all the NT social expectations? How in the world can anyone follow all of that complicated stuff and still be genuine friends? To me it's like saying, "Okay, jump through this long series of flaming hoops, and then you can be considered my good friend,"-- only, the flaming hoops never end. Who wants to do all that? I don't. If people can't be friends with me in a direct way, then I can't be bothered.

I find MOST people confusing, much of the time, so why bother discriminating

Last edited by Blindspot149 on 15 Feb 2010, 1:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've never been able to make sense of them.

Luvntiedye, I agree with the bandwagon thing. Why believe something is popular? It's bizarre enough that people will dress a certain way because other people do, but it's insane that someone would change their beliefs because of popularity! For me what I believe is part of who I am. If I do not treat people in a kind and ethical manner I feel horrible. Politics and religion make massive impacts on the world and they seem too vital to the world to be influenced by something as trivial as popularity. I personally am generally classified as leftist but that's because leftist beliefs are the same as mine. I'm not deliberately molding my beliefs to be farther left. I just happen to believe in helping those who can't help themselves, that religion causes more misery than is assuages, that people have the right to do as they choose as long as no one else is getting hurt and in trying to make a better world for people and animals. That these beliefs are considered leftist is a coincidence. I hear so much about fashionable beliefs and they baffle me. Why make the world a worse place to be trendy?

Oh yeah, and *yuck* who wants to waste time, energy, and airspace talking about stupid garbage like hot men, celebrities or makeup?? For one, I have a husband, so I don't care about anybody else. I've met a few celebrities and they're just people, and makeup? Please. I'm soooo bored. No wonder I never did fit in.

Yeah, why do they care about celebrities?
And um, yeah with the touching. My ex was pretty touchy-feely.

OK - spell check isnt working - sorry

"Always" - that is an overgeneralization. Makeup...pfft..

It's easy to look around at something an NT does and think that "ALL" NT's are like that. It seems like a lot of people really just notice the extreme extroverts. Look around next time. I am sure you will see at least one or two NT's not "into" it either (if you are in a group). Unless the people you are around really are "pack" social people. If that's the case... so very sorry.

To the confusing part: Ok. I am confusing as heck!! I sometimes confuse and annoy myself LOL. I am really confusing at times when I talk. I believe it's the ADHD in me - organization of language is so very hard.

It sometimes takes a lot of words for me to get to the darn point. People tell me that when I explain things, I often repeat myself. It's hard when you are paying attention to so many other things and trying to read people and filter out a bunch of other stuff. So, then I decided to be more "to the point". That also backfires as I am called rude or abrupt.
What the heck?

Can I ever win. What do people want? I am honestly going to take the more abrupt rude route because at least people won't be as confused - at least I won't repeat myself without even knowing it. Perhaps I have observed so many people, have so many of these "scripts" in my head I do get confused. I don't know.

I have to also constintely remember other ways of how I am talking in my job ---
Am I talking to loudly or softly? Too quickly or too slowly? Do I sound anxious or not? That is SO MUCH WORK.

Concerning actions, I guess I am also confusing. in that way. I am constantly changing the way I present myself at meetings and in social situations. This is because I am always learning new ways to "be",. I feel like if I just observe more people who do what I do even more I may get it right. Perhaps that confuses me even more because again, I have more scripts in my head.

It's hard because I just don't know what people expect. What kind of behavior do they expect? What is considered professional... My bosses call me inconsistent and at times confusing. They say I am either really good or off. If Only I can remember what "script" so to speak I was using on the good days; the exact formula, then everything would be fine. There are so many variables. You screw up one variable, everything is off.

I am NT and struggle so much at this. I literally cry because the anxiety is just too much. I don't have a consistent way of being. It's hard to know how to be... Am I too senstivite?? Am I too NT??? Luckily my boss and I had a talk and she told me that after meetings, we will immediately talk and she will be blunt with me. Good. Then I wont wonder.
Someone said that NT people expect you to know what they are feeling by looking at them.

You have some people who expect you to figure out what they are thinking by facial expressions and then others who are poker faced or act like everything is fine to your face an then talk behind your back... passive aggressives. Then you are expected to figure out each person and what type they are... how can anyone do it?

I don't know. It's so hard.... I am constantly trying to figure out what facial expressions and actions mean. I try to do it so much it's effecting my job. I do it because people just don't tell you. You think you are doing a fine job and then "WHAM" you are pulled into an office and told all of these things that you are not doing well and what other people have said/coworkers. Did those people give me a facial expression and try to tell me that way? Why couldn't they just use words earlier - just be blunt.

So, I have constant daily anxiety. I find myself asking coworkers questions especially after I do meetings to make sure that I am not misunderstanding any nonverbal cues. It's kind of pointless though because they won't tell you. You see sometimes certain looks they may give each other but some of those looks are nothing. Sometimes they mean something... I just get so so confused... I am almost at my breaking point.

Am I almost too NT? Is it this oversensitivity wanting to make certain that I understand everything. I just don't like being put off guard. Why can't I just do my work and not read too much into facial expressions? Why do I feel the need to try to figure it out? I guess it's because I am so darn tired of being called inconsistent. Again, I am inconsistent because people seem inconsistent with how I am supposed to be.

Reading these boards I wonder where the heck you find your NT people - some of the NT people you describe sound superficial and some are just strange.

As for the whole touching thing, my pet peeve is sitting behind someone who is touching or rubbing their mates back... especially when it's the same motion over and over again. I almost get up and walk out. There are times I just want to yell, "ENOUGH ALREADY." The light touch drives me crazy. I deal with it.

People reading me: My facial expressions usuauly don't match what I am thinking. It stinks when I am in meetings. I am too expressive in my face... completely opposite of my husband. I end up looking like a spaz. Too expressive yet not connected to what i am thinking..

so, that's just another example of how confusing this NT is.. Seriously.

Jumping through the friendship hoops. I don't even understand what that means. I just do my own thing.

Explain bandwagon to me more... I think I am a HUGE bandwagon person and have difficulty letting my bandwagon thoughts go. It's the obsessive part in me. I guess you can call me a passionate person.

A lot of my good friends in college and now are people who are either on the spectrum or have many traits (from Seattle). So, even given some of my extreme NT traits (have some AS traits too-social norms confuse the heck out of me), AS individuals and I really gel compared to a lot of NT's. I don't know.

Last edited by natesmom on 15 Feb 2010, 6:59 pm, edited 2 times in total.

that they have all these rules and they know them just by sensing them. And if you don't know them then something is wrong with you. Like alot of things I say and do are innappropriate and I don't know it til it's too late. And they act like I am weird. I realize I have screwed up but alot of the time, no matter how many times I make a mistake, I will make the same mistake again. And then slap my head, and think, crap, I did it again. Whereas they somehow 'sense' what is the right thing to do and say in social situations or with other people. It's just weird.

See, that's it. I am ADHD "NT" but I feel the same way (son AS, husband undx AS). I am the same way. My other problem is that it ends up affecting me so much that the anxiety is too much too handle. I care about it too much.

Oh - yes, I realize I screw up sometimes while I am screwing up. Hate that. Then you have to be able to quickly correct it while maintaining this certain way of being.

Are most of you like that? What do we do? I need to keep my job? I need to be able to function and do my job duties? How can I do that with all of these things to remember?
Yet at the same time I don't want it to affect me like it is. I hate that. I am an obsesser. I have been obsessing all weekend about how I presented myself at a one day district conference before the weekend. When I talked with a specific person, was I too blunt? Did I act in a way people would consider as strange? Why do I even care? So, is that too NT?

I have been at my job for 8 years. The first few years I don't remember having these problems but I was less self aware and didn't care as much. What happened to that part of me? Also, I think I was more consistent because I didn't have as many of those "scripts" or possible ways to present myself at work in my head.

Darn --- see, I am just very confused and very confusing.

How can we even keep up? How? It's just too much. I feel like I am at my breaking point. I don't want to analyze anymore. I don't want to care. Why do I care anyways? If someone says something, I need to let it go. They are just people anyways and are equally as confusing to me


You know what --- those other people mess up as well!!

OK -- see what I mean ---
Even in my posts I am long-winded. When I read it, I drive myself nuts

I find PEOPLE confusing! it is not restricted to "NT's" or "ASD" people. I just find the whole lot and shebang downright confusing and unreadable!

Naturally, I'm not a talkative person. I most often want to be short, and to the point. I think being clear and concise is more important than sounding sweet or eloquent.

Sometimes I wonder if people have made up their minds that everything I say is useless or stupid and then they don't try to figure out what I've said. I know I'm not the best speaker and I can be very long and winding sometimes, but if people actually put some effort into their listening, (like a fraction of the effort they put into their needless smalltalk), they could perfectly ascertain what I intended to say.

It becomes confusing. Either what I say is too short and incomplete, or it's too long and meandering.

I don't know the sweet spot in communicating. I'm amazed at how some people can talk for hours about nothing and still make it sound good, and some people can explain a complicated thing in just a few seconds. I'm using the try-and-see how they respond method. Many times, people respond in a negative way, as what I've said apparently meant something completely different than what I had intended it to be.