need to know which therapies are actually effective for AS

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I need to know for my own sake. i am desperate to put an end to my lack of social confidence but really need the right sort of help. apart from a lot of people being "aware " of my condition (since my diagnosis two years ago) i've not really talked to anyone who really understands what kind of person i really am. i need to find a kind of therapy which will:

1. aim to definitively change the way i function with other people (not just socially but professional reasons as well)
2. not assume i am the same as all other AS "sufferers"

hope this doesn't all sound too self indulgent. for what it's worth, i hope others on the spectrum find the right help they need to change their outlooks in a positive way.

Most "therapies" are going to be aimed at children - but I've heard that Cognative Behavior Therapy (CBT) can be useful for adults. Basically, it's aimed at learning to change your responses to various situations.

As adults, I think we really need to learn to help ourselves. Change what we can, but accept what we can't. Push the boundaries of your comfort zone, but don't waste your energy trying to be "normal" - you were born with different wiring in your brain, so learn to work with what you've got.

Temple Grandin & Sean Barron have written a book called "The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships" that is full of coping strategies & is as helpful as anything I've read when it comes to learning how to get along in the world.

I have heard of others on this forum having success with their own version of "self-therapy", where they make it a scientific study to observe how NT people act, and then pattern themselves after that. Also, I have to wonder if learning comedy improv might be helpful. In my city, there's a comedy troupe that provides classes for adults, -- which is great, because improv requires developing skills such as anticipating what others are thinking in order to make jokes off of what has already been said. I think it would be very difficult at first, but that's ok -- eventually, I think the skill would click. Having a good sense of humor, even if a little quirky, can go a long way socially.

It's interesting you would mention improv training. I think a number of people on the spectrum have found their way into theatre (I certainly did, in high school, college & the Army) - Temple Grandin mentions in her memoir, Thinking in Pictures, about the benefits she received from working in the theatre department at school. It stand to reason, since being social involves a lot of acting for those of us on the spectrum.

"The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships" is a good book which I highly recommend. Learning comedy is also a good tool to use. Another thing that I recommend is martial arts or mental martial arts (learning the black arts such as lock picking, hacking, revenge techniques, etc.) One does not need to actually use these skills against another in order for them to be effective. One only needs to know that they can very easily neutralize their enemy no matter how much bigger or stronger that person is. Knowing this will lesson the fear one may have of another.

I would recommend cognitive behavioral therapy. Anyone who tells you a drug is going to make it disappear is a dirty liar.

Set realistic goals for yourself. You can't make it go away, which I suspect you know and accept. Make sure you understand what your goals are. You want to improve your social skills, maybe learn how to read body language a little better, or something like that. Be specific about it. CBT therapists are good at helping people work on that and they will try many different methods until they find something that works for you. But if you're vague and say something like, "I want to be normal," you are never going to win. Not even NT's are normal. And don't try to do something you know is impossible, like "I want to be the most popular guy in the city." If you make a goal like that you are either intentionally or unintentionally setting yourself up for failure.

Good luck (from another person working on her problem areas).

Kat

I saw improve recommended recently for high level professional skills. I dug up the link for you. I find this site has a lot of intelligent and savvy people who have often insightful advice about the exact kinds of things we aspies are weak on:

http://ask.metafilter.com/77959/Transla ... fice-speak

About therapy, I am taking a personal management skills course with the counselling services at my university. It involves mindfulness, distress tolerance, interpersonal skills and emotional regulation. I'm about halfway through and am learning skills I will continue to use to improve. My husband says I have improved right quickly, and I think I have, too. I want the kind of professional skills I think you are talking about. Not just confidence, but effectiveness.

The course instructors are using resources from a book that breaks down the skills very systematically and fundamentally, and gives interpretations and ways of thinking about social things that we aspies tend not to be able to come up with on our own. I can give you the book reference if you want to read some of it on google books and see if it would be worthwhile for you, but I think being in a group and having the chance to actually try stuff is far better than just trying to learn from a book and field test it yourself. Any kind of intelligent, focussed personal growth group like this could be helpful for a motivated aspie, in my opinion.

thanks ladarzac

the link you gave seems pretty useful and much more geared up into looking at specific problems.

this is much more useful than many of the "autism aware" schemes, alot of which, that have emerged recently. the university therapy you talked about seemed useful: i only wish they did such things in england. also our free national health system is a bit abysmal andthis forces people on the spectrum to look in the private sector to get the quality we're looking for.

but anyway, am looking on the bright side...

There really is no standardized way to teach autistic adults. Sometimes, especially if you're non-verbal, they'll teach PECS for communication, or use ABA to teach things in small, repetitive ways; but the things you need--socializing and such--are simply not that concrete. (I could also lecture for a half-dozen paragraphs about why I think ABA is inefficient and often counterproductive, but I won't, because even if it worked perfectly, it probably wouldn't make sense to use in your situation.) So, what you'll be looking for probably won't be autism-specific, unless you find social stories helpful. (Social stories are basically example scenarios; they can be very simple, like greeting somebody, or very complex, like going through a job interview. They help you get the hang of what you can expect when you interact, and are often custom-written for the client by their therapist, or for a child by their parents.)

I think your best bet is simply to find a counselor or occupational therapist who is willing to work with you on learning specific skills. A lot of counselors have a habit of focusing on emotions; and while that might be helpful to keep you from getting too anxious as you learn to do more socially, your main issue--and what you seem most to want to learn--is that you're not too good with people. There are also social-skills groups available at various levels of expertise; once again, you have to find a group leader who will acknowledge that you are different from other people without also assuming that you are the same as most autistics. But then, the most successful among those who teach autistic people how to do things are those who have learned that autistic people are wildly different from each other and tend to learn best with individualized instruction.

thanks callista

i liked your website by the way. it's true that the terminologies used are a bit misplaced sometimes (many of which you listed on the homepage): i suppose that even though i do want to change and fit into society, there should be a consideration placed on the world at large to accept our differences.

it's interesting to see that AS seems to be viewed differently over in the states. there seems to be more of a "can do" perception of things over there which lacks a bit in the UK. I'm quite lucky though: i used to live in france for my childhood, and i'm not sure they know all that much about the spectrum so living here has its advantages.

Healthy diet, working out 4-5 times a week for at least 45 minutes, and regular sleep patterns (8 hours a night, don't stay up late!! !) will help more than any therapy or any drug.