Affection question: holding hands, kissing.
I always thought I didn't like to be touched. Then I got a boyfriend and realized that I just don't like to be touched *unexpectedly*
Example: Tonight I was out with some people and some guy I know really well came up and put his arm around me, kind of. It almost made me kick him in the balls before I realized that's just what some people do, put their arm around other people.
I never really understood the rules either. Anytime we were cuddling (my ex and I), it was generally because he started it.
_________________
What on earth do you think you are, if not a robot, albeit a very complicated one? - Richard Dawkins, The Selfish Gene
I always thought I didn't like to be touched. Then I got a boyfriend and realized that I just don't like to be touched *unexpectedly*
Example: Tonight I was out with some people and some guy I know really well came up and put his arm around me, kind of. It almost made me kick him in the balls before I realized that's just what some people do, put their arm around other people.
I never really understood the rules either. Anytime we were cuddling (my ex and I), it was generally because he started it.
That is true, I never thought of it that way. That it's being touched unexpectedly. I think that is the main thing for me. Because when I ask to hug someone, I love it.
hartzofspace
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Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
I had the same issues mentioned here, about touch. When I started dating my current guy, I was agonizing about this. What happened, was we started out sitting together while watching a movie. After awhile, I was able to sit closer, although I felt something close to panic at his proximity. When I'd gotten comfortable with sitting closely, we held hands. It felt really weird, at first, and I felt almost terrified, holding someone's hand, no matter how much I liked the guy. It was almost as if I were on some scary ride at the amusement park. After a few weeks, we were able to hug, and so on. Just take it nice and slow.
_________________
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner
elderwanda
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Joined: 17 Nov 2008
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,534
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Because it's the most affectionate thing he can do while he's driving? (it's kinda hard to cuddle and drive at the same time...) I know I enjoyed that whenever i was driving my ex places.
I just didn't see the constant need to have a hand on me.
In retrospect, I do now, but I didn't then.
I like my partners to show their affection for me by driving safely while I'm in the car with them. In other words, be in control of the vehicle. How much affection does a person need to show while they are driving?
Yeah, I know that's not the most romantic viewpoint, but it's mine.
Taupey
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Joined: 24 Feb 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,168
Location: Somewhere between juvenile and senile.
I had the same issues mentioned here, about touch. When I started dating my current guy, I was agonizing about this. What happened, was we started out sitting together while watching a movie. After awhile, I was able to sit closer, although I felt something close to panic at his proximity. When I'd gotten comfortable with sitting closely, we held hands. It felt really weird, at first, and I felt almost terrified, holding someone's hand, no matter how much I liked the guy. It was almost as if I were on some scary ride at the amusement park. After a few weeks, we were able to hug, and so on. Just take it nice and slow.
That sounds so romantic even though you were uncomfortable at first.
hartzofspace
Supporting Member
Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
I had the same issues mentioned here, about touch. When I started dating my current guy, I was agonizing about this. What happened, was we started out sitting together while watching a movie. After awhile, I was able to sit closer, although I felt something close to panic at his proximity. When I'd gotten comfortable with sitting closely, we held hands. It felt really weird, at first, and I felt almost terrified, holding someone's hand, no matter how much I liked the guy. It was almost as if I were on some scary ride at the amusement park. After a few weeks, we were able to hug, and so on. Just take it nice and slow.
That sounds so romantic even though you were uncomfortable at first.
Yes, I guess it was romantic! I was just so grateful that he was patient with me.
_________________
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner
I had the same issues mentioned here, about touch. When I started dating my current guy, I was agonizing about this. What happened, was we started out sitting together while watching a movie. After awhile, I was able to sit closer, although I felt something close to panic at his proximity. When I'd gotten comfortable with sitting closely, we held hands. It felt really weird, at first, and I felt almost terrified, holding someone's hand, no matter how much I liked the guy. It was almost as if I were on some scary ride at the amusement park. After a few weeks, we were able to hug, and so on. Just take it nice and slow.
So basically I should find someone who is patient and will work with me to be comfortable. Thanks Thank s for the help!
Physical contact makes me feel uncomfortable & weird (for the lack of a better word). But I'm sure that with the right person that would all change. Unfortunately, at my age, I'll probably never meet the right person
_________________
?Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.? _Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
Taupey
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Joined: 24 Feb 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
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Location: Somewhere between juvenile and senile.
Yes, you're too old (just joking). You are almost 20 years younger than me (I'm 47 years old). I believe we are never too old to meet someone and fall in love. My 92 year old grandmother's friends are still falling in love and getting married. I know that might be hard to imagine or something you would rather not imagine. But it happens. So keep an opened mind about it. You just might be pleasantly surprised. I was.
Taupey
hartzofspace
Supporting Member
Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
Yes, you're too old (just joking). You are almost 20 years younger than me (I'm 47 years old). I believe we are never too old to meet someone and fall in love. My 92 year old grandmother's friends are still falling in love and getting married. I know that might be hard to imagine or something you would rather not imagine. But it happens. So keep an opened mind about it. You just might be pleasantly surprised. I was.
Taupey
I'll second that! I met my current boyfriend when I turned 51. We are in love. It can happen when you least expect it! I had all but given up.
_________________
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner
Northeastern292
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Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,159
Location: Brooklyn, NY/Catskills
I have an issue-I love affection and love to receive it and give it, but for some weird reason, the idea of dating someone with more sexual experience than me gives me the creeps. But other than that, I actually crave affection, to the point of addiction, which is a little abnormal for someone who is an aspie.
Yeah, me too. What really bothers me, is to hear stories about past sexual experiences. I'm able to visualize it so well, that they might as well have cheated on me, right in front of my eyes. A couple words is all it takes, and I'm totally turned off. I almost had to break up with a girl once, because she mentioned something to me, referring to a past bf. I say "had", because it turned me off to the point where i didn't think I'd ever find her sexually attractive again.
Yeah, I have problems.
_________________
Those who speak, don't know.
Those who know, don't speak.
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