Very Frustrated

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I NEED constant back and forth interaction. When I talk about something, I need constant feedback on it. The more time I spend alone, the more aggravated is this need. I can concentrate on something on my own, but that input does not match my thought processes, so it is very tiring to block out the stuff that's going on in my head and to focus on the external things.

Today, I've spent my whole day alone, making videos in hopes of getting some comments on my ideas. I did not talk on the phone. I was prepared to meet somebody at a university campus. I sat there and waited for ONE HOUR. I tried to read a book, because I'm the kind of person who absolutely HATES wasting time, but I couldn't concentrate. I then walked out, walked around the building, and came back and waited some more. I was reading the book, then walked out again, with the book on the table. I did not end up coming back, and did not realize that I've left the book there until much later when I was sitting on the bus back home. The book is on MBTI and it's called Gifts Differing, and its cost (with tax) is about $24. It is a borrowed book, which means that I have to go out again, ALONE, to get a replacement. And I have to take the money from my parents. Plus, I owe somebody some money, PLUS I have to write out a check tomorrow to attempt to get my criminal check for the 3rd time. I am sick of having to have to make so much effort to plan out my life properly. I am sick of getting constantly distracted and losing things. I am also sick of constantly putting myself out there, but not getting the feedback I need from people.

The ONLY reason I write, post videos, make new connections, etc. is to try to develop my own ideas further. I need that fuel to propel my ideas, to take them to the next level. It is the only thing that truly makes me happy. I'm not selfish, in that I always contribute my point of view and/or try to elaborate on other peoples' thoughts and ideas as well. I do not enjoy the process of expressing myself; I enjoy this back and forth process of responding to other people's ideas, while in turn taking in the other person's responses to my own ideas.

And... I did not end up meeting that person. Another reason why I'm so frustrated. I really wanted to spill my ideas to her and see what her take on it is, since she's one of the few people I know who have similar interests to mine and have a lot of experience with the subject.

Another thing... I've been trying to join a mailing list, ANI-L. I sent them a message that I want to join, but am getting nothing. I've also been trying to get myself on a mailing list for outings for adults with AS, and to no avail. It seems that every time I post in a thread, I end up killing it. I post in groups on Facebook, too. Other people get replies. I get nothing. I don't see myself saying anything that might hurt or offend somebody, yet I'm constantly being ignored.

Last edited by MathGirl on 17 Mar 2010, 9:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sounds like you are an extroverted aspie. It is a hard thing it be, I know. Wired to socialise but without the wiring required to understand what is happening.

I don't know why introverts sometimes wish to become extroverts. I genuinely wish I was an introvert. Life would be so much easier that way. I wouldn't show my weirdness as much. I wouldn't have gotten bullied as much. I would be able to sit in class without having the urge to speak up constantly. And I would not rely on others as much...
But I guess that's how I was wired.

I'm also an extroverted aspie, so I know the feeling. I'm going to have to tone it down, if I get my job back.

I wonder how to solve this problem, though. How to get the response I need from people. There's only a limited number of people I can talk to on the phone or in real life, and they told me their opinions already. But I'm always craving for more.

My computer did not handle these videos very well. Nearly crashing halfway through the first one.

Cool eyes, though.

Then maybe you should force them to give you the feedback that you crave so much.

Hmm, how? I don't get how other people get people to pay attention to their ideas. They won't even tell me what I'm doing wrong. They just ignore me.