The fashion variable
For a male who is seeking a female, is there any particular advice any NT women could give on styles of dress that are appealing or unappealing?
I have no idea what NTs think about fashion, and mostly haven't cared, so I dress the way I like to look.
as it is now, I wear black jeans(not baggy, but not extremely tight either), black boots, either a black t-shirt or underarmor(I love the compression from underarmor), and a black, slightly old and ratty trench coat(I like the weight), and long black satin gloves. I have black hair about mid back length, usually in a braid, I'm clean shaven, have a fairly dark(for a Caucasian) complexion, and eyes that change color through green/blue/brown. I'm 5'9" and about 155 lbs, and athletic(a runner), and I tend to sit at the back of rooms quietly (I'm 22, btw). I occasionally wear a chain for a belt.
How will women perceive my appearance? scary? How could I tailor my appearance to give different impressions? is my appearance totally wrong for getting the attention of women?
Well, what I am visualizing is a little scary. Is the style a bit goth-like? Sorry if I am way off. I am not good at visualizing things, LOL. Wearing all black with a trench coat doesn't exactly beg women to come over and chat. I would imagine you don't look very "approachable." Im sure some women would like the look, but I doubt the majority would.
There is nothing wrong with dressing that way-- but nothing wrong with wearing colors other than black too
I don't care about fashion much. Jeans and T-shirts or long sleeved shirts can look fine, just make sure they are clean and not "ratty." This probably isn't much help, but it's my opinion ![]()
There is nothing wrong with dressing that way-- but nothing wrong with wearing colors other than black too
I don't care about fashion much. Jeans and T-shirts or long sleeved shirts can look fine, just make sure they are clean and not "ratty." This probably isn't much help, but it's my opinion
well, I generally wear black both becasue I like it, and becasue I wouldn't know how to dress any other way. I have absolutely zero fashion sense, and can't match colors, so black is safe.
Regarding a picture, I will see about finding one in a couple hours, I'm about to go out running.
ValMikeSmith
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Joined: 18 May 2008
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 977
Location: Stranger in a strange land
Unqualified advice:
Think of a famous guy who is attractive to women
who you would like to be in a masquerade (or a Halloween costume) if you can.
If you believe that your true self is close to how you perceive that famous person,
then try to adopt his style in this sort of way. You can be yourself and like him too.
I do not follow my own advice since I haven't wore a costume since childhood and
I do not have a famous role model. Feel free to flunk-mark this advice if it flunks.
IIRC this advice is from 1988, from an NT to myself, in College.
I think that this might be a way to use fashion to communicate who you are.
I found some pictures, but am not allowed to post links due to not having been here long enough. I've been lurking without registering for awhile until I ran into a topic I particularly had something to say about.
I'm not exactly sure what goth-like entails, but I think it is vaguely, yes.
Think of a famous guy who is attractive to women
who you would like to be in a masquerade (or a Halloween costume) if you can.
If you believe that your true self is close to how you perceive that famous person,
then try to adopt his style in this sort of way. You can be yourself and like him too.
I do not follow my own advice since I haven't wore a costume since childhood and
I do not have a famous role model. Feel free to flunk-mark this advice if it flunks.
IIRC this advice is from 1988, from an NT to myself, in College.
I think that this might be a way to use fashion to communicate who you are.
This seems potentially viable advice, however, I am not knowledgeable about famous people at all. very few famous people that are supposed to be attractive come to mind. Gerard butler? Brad Pitt? That guy from twilight? Sean Connery? those are about all that I can think of offhand, and I know next to nothing about any of them.
ValMikeSmith
Veteran
Joined: 18 May 2008
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 977
Location: Stranger in a strange land
You would have to know enough about an attractive famous person who you
think is like your self, whom you could change your appearance to look
more like, to use that advice. Otherwise it is useless advice. Just pretending to
be any famous person may be as hard as pretending to be NT, and it is probably
a very creepy thing to do. The point is to adopt the style of a famous person
who looks and acts similar to your true personality --- AND is also known for being
attractive to women.
I suppose an alternative is to get a "fashion makeover". That, which I have never
done, I think involves buying or borrowing the services of a fashion expert to
design an attractive style for you specifically to adopt as your own style.
Remember the obvious fact that fashion is always going out of style, which is
why it might be better to emulate a famous person than always be getting
makeovers. Honestly, I don't know what I am talking about. Just stating
observations from my point of view and I'm not qualified to advise you
on this topic.
You do sound totally goth. So goth girls would probably dig you.
If you are attracted to other types of girls besides the gothic kind, then trying dressing in the style of the boys those kinds of girls go out with. Seriously, just look at their boyfriends and observe their clothing and hairstyles. Do they wear skinny hipster jeans and Chuck Taylors? Or preppy shirts and pants from Abercrombie and Fitch? Use your AS powers of attention to detail to figure it out.
If you are attracted to other types of girls besides the gothic kind, then trying dressing in the style of the boys those kinds of girls go out with. Seriously, just look at their boyfriends and observe their clothing and hairstyles. Do they wear skinny hipster jeans and Chuck Taylors? Or preppy shirts and pants from Abercrombie and Fitch? Use your AS powers of attention to detail to figure it out.
I will admit a fondness for the Gothic manner of dress in women. Unfortunately, I'm in Arkansas at the moment. There are very few women like that here.
Your advice seems sensible. I am somewhat concerned however. I do not wish to start dressing and acting like everyone else and surrender my person into the herd. I also have so little social awareness that I generally don't even know who does and does not have a boyfriend/girlfriend, and who they would be, or even how I would figure that out. I also have trouble understanding the ways NTs label or group things. Preppy for example, is a meaningless term to me. And what are Chuck Taylors? I am so unaware of fashion that I look at what a person is wearing and see pants, and a shirt. Some things my aspie observation applies extremely well to, clothing, not so much.
Gothic I can sort of identify, becasue it's distinctive. other things such as preppy don't seem to be so, to me. It may be I just have to ask someone to help me go shopping, but that seems strange and as likely to fail as succeed.
Chuck Taylors are also referred to as Converse All-Stars. They are the favored footwear of a subculture known as "hipsters".
I think you're probably wrong about there not being any goths in Arkansas--they are everywhere, and seem to be particularly spawned by the suburban Bible Belt. In fact, I did a quick Google for "arkansas goth" and got a dating site for goths in Arkansas on the very first page of hits.
Well, if you value your look, but want to be more approachable you can alter it pretty minimally and have that go a long way. Feel free to listen or disregard as you see fit, because I'm more than willing to admit that some women go for things I will never understand. But, in my (never) humble opinion:
1. Swap the black jeans for regular blue jeans. Monochromatic can be intidimating in any color, but all black is pretty intense. It probably seems to others like you WANT to look scary.
2. Ditch the satin gloves. I don't know if some companies actually make satin gloves for men or if you are actually wearing women's gloves. Either way, it's going to LOOK like you're wearing women's gloves. That kind of cross-gender signal is going to confuse people as to what gender you're actually looking for in a partner.
3. You said your hair is medium length and usually braided, but more important, is your hair clean/neat? Unless they have dredlocks, men have to work harder at their long hair than women do, because women can make messy long hair work. On a man, it just makes him look like a slob. I don't know why this is, but trust me.
4. Lose the chain belt. In addition to vague connotations of violence, the chain has the added effect of making a person look immature. Chain belts are what 14-year-old boys wear because they think it looks cool. And since at 22, I'm going to assume you're not in the market for 14-year-old girls, you'll do better without it.
5. As far as the trenchcoat...I'd say it's a question of how you wear it...Do you take it off when you go indoors (i.e., do you wear it like a coat?) or do you leave it on as part of your ensemble? If you're wearing the coat like it's another shirt, try letting it be a coat and taking it off when you go inside. Worn 24/7, people will start to think you have a rifle under it.
1. Swap the black jeans for regular blue jeans. Monochromatic can be intidimating in any color, but all black is pretty intense. It probably seems to others like you WANT to look scary.
2. Ditch the satin gloves. I don't know if some companies actually make satin gloves for men or if you are actually wearing women's gloves. Either way, it's going to LOOK like you're wearing women's gloves. That kind of cross-gender signal is going to confuse people as to what gender you're actually looking for in a partner.
3. You said your hair is medium length and usually braided, but more important, is your hair clean/neat? Unless they have dredlocks, men have to work harder at their long hair than women do, because women can make messy long hair work. On a man, it just makes him look like a slob. I don't know why this is, but trust me.
4. Lose the chain belt. In addition to vague connotations of violence, the chain has the added effect of making a person look immature. Chain belts are what 14-year-old boys wear because they think it looks cool. And since at 22, I'm going to assume you're not in the market for 14-year-old girls, you'll do better without it.
5. As far as the trenchcoat...I'd say it's a question of how you wear it...Do you take it off when you go indoors (i.e., do you wear it like a coat?) or do you leave it on as part of your ensemble? If you're wearing the coat like it's another shirt, try letting it be a coat and taking it off when you go inside. Worn 24/7, people will start to think you have a rifle under it.
Thank you. This is stuff I can really take a hold of. 1 and 2 are doable, 3 yes, I keep it neat, 4 I don't do often anyway - can change infrequently to never, and 5 completely never occurred to me. I can start taking it off inside.
I think you're probably wrong about there not being any goths in Arkansas--they are everywhere, and seem to be particularly spawned by the suburban Bible Belt. In fact, I did a quick Google for "arkansas goth" and got a dating site for goths in Arkansas on the very first page of hits.
Hmm. I guess the goths just don't go to my school. But I don't see them around when I'm out either, so I assumed they weren't. it could be worth looking into.
