Self Pity in the AS community

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i'm probably going to ruffle a few feathers with what i'm going to write, but i feel it's something that needs to be said.
I don't know wether it's due to many people on here being young or it's due to being diagnosed at a young age but you guys really need to stop self pitying!
I admit i've only recently realised i'm AS and am presently getting diagnosed, so i'm not an expert but there one major thing i've noticed that people do here.
You forget that you are a person!
You are a person first and foremost and and Aspie second.
Stop defining everything you do and everything that happens to you as symptom of Aspergers.
You might be different in many ways to NTs, but you are still human(even though we may not feel it most days!).
I've had loads of cr*p happen in my life(such as being sexual abused as a child by my father) BUT i don't see myself as a victim and i won't let myself be victimised. I've had depression and wanted to kill myself and found life difficult because i just don't act like all the people around me. But i still have self belief and don't segregate myself from people. Which is why i've learnt how to fit in with people (to a degree) and hold down a good job.
I might not fit in properly, but generally i enjoy my life. I have a couple of friends, but am just as happy doing my own stuff. I just try and enjoy life to the best i can and don't blame everything on being AS or on NTs.
Granted there are loads of horrible NTs out there,but there are lots of nice ones too. They understand that i'm different, but as one girl at work said the other 'Yeah, you're not like other girls but that's why i like you'.
Basically chill out and try not to let AS or whatever you have define you.
You are yourself, not your diagnosis.

Last edited by moomin on 27 Mar 2006, 1:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

The reality of disability is truth, how it is expressed is entirely up to the individual. I'd hope that people feel comfortible expressing themselves dispite general social pressure not to do so.

Some with A.S.D's have real disabilities, some do well, I have no statistics. Disability however is truth, people have feelings.

I dont believe in labels or reverse labels.

then again, if people shows no signs of self-pity whasoever wouldn't that make it hard to help eachother? Presuming that's one of the primary reasons for this site.

errr.... I don't self pity?

I've been trying to tell people this since the day I registered.

Your simply trying to hide the truth of others so that others who try to fit in don't feel ashamed of the label.

I find this post nearly insulting, yet I understand the mentality.

I pity the fools!

This is how I am trying to raise my son, I understand that the AS can make things more difficult for him at times, but *not* impossible. We still expect the same level from him as we would were he NT or whatever you wish to call it. We still make certain accomodations (he's 11) such as not going to restaurants that are dark/loud, etc but he pulls his own weight around the house and has never used his AS as an excuse.

I am here to learn more about what he'll need in the way of coping skills to live on his own successfully, as an adult.

I have the unenviable day job of listening to people gripe about how they can't work because they've got this and that wrong with them - yet most of the time I've got at least what they've got and then some.

You only get out of life what you put into it.

i'm not trying to insult anyone..in fact i think it's a symptom of being diagnosed at an early age(you're told you are different, so it's easy to believe that you aren't capable of ever fitting in)..some people use or let the fact they are AS to prevent them from doing certain things such as integrating at all with NTs or finishing their exams.
I find it difficult to talk to people some days, but i try not to wallow in that. I try and focus on the good in me, the things that make me a person- not a person with AS.
Everyone is different, i know that..but i think some people here need to believe in themselves mo
School admittedly wasn't too bad- i only really had one friend(she is still my friend because she appreciates my strengths such as intelligence and bluntness). I kept my head down at school and just did the best i could. Maybe if i'd have been diagnosed at that age- i think i would have given up easier.
But not fitting in plus my desire to be on my own spurred me to to get good qualifcations so i coul be self dependant.
Leaving for Uni was harder, because i found people even more confusing- but i just struggled on. Maybe it's my Mum i have to thank- she taught us to just get on with it!
I've suffered terrible depression and self harmed and wanted to kill myself, but i just keep going..becuase it's worth it.
I 'm not sure where i'm going with this now.. i just want more people to believe that they are capable and worth while human beings.

Last edited by moomin on 27 Mar 2006, 1:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Disability is real, calling it griping or not, I think some lack compasion and understanding.

I understand that there was no intent, yet making it unpopular to speak the truth is just nonsense.

There is the issue of the group influenced self-esteem as well.

Self pitty is a side effect of depression, unfortunately a lot of aspies are depressed.

Which is why criticizing the realities of the truths of others just makes it worse for them..

Commonly I see A.S in success stories, this person or that person is highly intelligent and functional teaching as a professor for instance. When there are others whom have disabilities, especially adaptively in the regular norm more so severely.

There is the truth of some that are positive then there are others whom are either unable or have yet to achieve there goals. I'd never suggest to someone accept disability and live with it, simply try to think more positively, yet calling it self-pity is just ridiculously insensitive.

To criticize others depression by making people feel bad for expressing “dismay”, it might just make it worse.

People know themselves, not the reality of others whom live life as they do individually in their difficulties, differences and what not.

have you ever seen any of those self harm websites..so many people on them talk each other into making their situation worse.

That can be the problem with websites like this- people can end up feeling worse because all they see is how bad the situation is and can feel more isolated.
i'm not being nasty or rude, i would like people to see more of the positive aspects of AS..not just the negatives

Yes,

I've setup and administrated communities for several kinds of disabilities. Perpetuated behaviors are part of the influencive causal order of the minds. I really think there was a more positive way of approaching this topic.. It was not intentional, I am sure you have no intent to make others feel bad, you are blunt and truthful.

Yet there is better ways, I think a community mentality supports and understands one another. Yet with social reciprocacity and it being the internet it is harder to develop a more influencive truthful and understanding mind frame due to it being the internet.

When viewing A.S.D specifically A.S from my understanding online, when A.S is described by another people see it in themselves because they have it, so the psychological influence of the label, the identity at times and the emotion is all combined together due to the social evolutionary bringing together of those of similarities due to diagnostic criterion.

It again is very fascinating, I have no qualifications.

I think we should start up a new topic where people can just post positive aspects of being on the Autistic Spectrum.
Then when people are feeling bad they can just browse it reading all of the sort of things that can hopefully cheer them up, or at least improve their mood a bit.

That is a good idea, then for the bad days another post or just let anyone post as they wish for any kind of mood without a social peer pressure of this sort of insensitivity though inadvertent.

I want to speak my mind, not be labeled as self-pity... The post obviously is targeted at effecting a certain mentality.

I'd suspect that this forum is primarly for A.S / A.S.D individuals whom are communitive and allowed to express the truth of themselves.

That's what i thought wrong planet was for. People on the Autistic Spectrum can come here to learn, get help and advice, socialy interact and let out bad feelings in the haven. Also for those relatives of aspies and auties to learn about us and how they can help their loved one.
We sometimes need people to tell us our faults, that way we can maybe learn to overcome them or at least how to deal with them.
I definately belive that we need to be as positive as we can for those who are depressed.
Put two depressed people in a room and they will get even more depressed, put a depressed person in a room along with someone in a brilliant mood and the depressed person will feel better and his/her mood will lighten.