I'm really hating myself right now.....

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lightening020
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15 Apr 2010, 5:54 am

....when I look back and think of all the times girls have been interested in me and yet I was too (scared?). Countless times I can remember girls approaching me and I just for some reason acted indifferent and had to protect myself. Love Shy?

There were 2 occasions where I remember now from my college classes where I really should have not been scared and gone for it. Both times the girls were the cute and were maybe quite similar to me personality wise. I cant help but think if I had acted differently I might have had my first girlfriend/ first relationship and then finally gotten some experience and now things might be completely different and I wouldn't be this completely miserable.

I know thats the wrong way to be thinking but damn I really really regret being such an idiot. All i had to do was maybe express some open interest and talk to them a little bit and I really think it would have gone a long way. And yet I just got scared.....wtf is wrong with me.

I just really regret this. There are so many things that I regret but these two times I really cant stop thinking about. So many regrets in my life.

I guess what Im trying to is that these seemed like really unique girls....not the everyday regular college girl that I would have to try to pretend to be "normal" before I ever could try to talk to. These girls were into me as I was.

I really regret.......



musicboxforever
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15 Apr 2010, 6:30 am

I think that's just life. I've done the same thing, thinking over who I regret. But it doesn't do any good. I try and tell myself that I have learned from my mistakes. I should have been more confident and made a move, so the only thing I can actually do about it is in the future when I do meet someone I like I will do it differently and actually do something about it.



harry_j_83
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15 Apr 2010, 7:03 am

Hi this all sound very familiar to me actually

Yep I have the same feeling that there were women that were interested in me and I just never took advantage of the situation. The (sort of) good news is that when you get to my age (27) trusts me you won't care anymore about women! ... Okay so I know that's probably not helping but it's worth remembering...

Yep there's no secret about it, it’s all about confidence. But it’s also about interests. Whatever you do, make it your daily goal to improve those two factors! Do whatever it takes to make sure they are built on. I don't know whether the following helps and it might not be something you agree with on ethical grounds but I take escitalopram: this is a class of SSRI antidepressant - they really helped me with confidence issues (although didn't resolve them completely).

If these girls approached you, I’m taking it you're either good looking, interesting on a personal level or both (good! so at least you know you have these positive traits...). Here’s the problem though: women have approached me personally because they found me attractive but this isn't a good basis for any kind of relationship! Why? Because aesthetics just aren't a good feature that serves any practical solution. Recently, there was girl I was with (on a very seldom basis) who was obviously interested in me on a physical level: great! But unfortunately, I didn't have much going on in my life and so was bound to end...

Don’t end up in the same situation!! I don't know about these 2 girls you mentioned but I’d say forget them and choose someone you want instead. Believing that these individuals are the only 2 on your wavelength is a very dangerous path to go down: because you will make too many emotional associations in your head; the day you discover they aren't that similar (you have to at least consider this possibility) this will cause immense metal conflict.

KEEP COOL! See things in a more OBJECTIVE light in life: the less you get distracted by emotions and desires, the more you will have a clear head about things: no doubt this will be beneficial when talking to women. DON'T REGRET ANYTHING; just learn from mistakes to inform future strategies



harry_j_83
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15 Apr 2010, 7:10 am

"metal confilct" was meant to be "meNtal conflict"

sorry i did use my spell check but unfortunately, "metal" is also a word in the english dictionary



Mouldy
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15 Apr 2010, 9:06 am

Well look at it this way at least you have realised the problems in the past and hopefully now you can overcome then think of it as the first step in your journey to a happy relationship :P

and you know maybe in a couple of years maybe less! you could be with a girl! :P congratulate yourself on realising your fault and now tell yourself that you are going to change it around and work on it


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lightening020
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15 Apr 2010, 2:49 pm

I know I know. I just really regret not doing anything. Whether anything would have happened at least I would have known. I have tons of experiences like these in my past but these really really hurt me.

again I will say that these girls seemed unique because they were just into me as I was.....whether or not I was ok with myself(maybe the problem). I was a bit shyer back and probably just as odd

i didnt have to fake something to try and be open or anything. They were just at there if I did something...anything....

it seems like most girls never make any attempt to converse and that you really do have to fake confidence and persona just to make an impression.

these occasions it was a situation....and I screwed it up.....even if i didnt work out I just wanted some experience. id be alot better off right now.........now im not even into school and and its nearly impossible to meet girls......



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15 Apr 2010, 8:16 pm

OP, regret can serve a purpose: it can prompt you to correct a past mistake.

Is there any way you can get in touch with either of these girls? A little Facebook searching, perhaps? Alumni Association? PeopleFinder? If they were just as into you as you were into them, they might just welcome the contact. And if they were as shy as you were, perhaps one (or both) of them might still be available? So stop marinating in your regret, and see if you can fix the problem, okay?


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Homer_Bob
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15 Apr 2010, 8:25 pm

Welcome to the club.


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20 Apr 2010, 9:50 pm

If it happened once, it will happen again.

The main thing unique about college is, that there is a large pool of people of around the same age.

All you can really do is learn from it and try to be more open to invitations in the future.

Don't spend too long beating yourself up about it - or you might miss the next cue.



machf
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20 Apr 2010, 10:59 pm

harry_j_83 wrote:
Hi this all sound very familiar to me actually

Yep I have the same feeling that there were women that were interested in me and I just never took advantage of the situation. The (sort of) good news is that when you get to my age (27) trusts me you won't care anymore about women! ... Okay so I know that's probably not helping but it's worth remembering...

Maybe *you* don't care about women a that age, but that doesn't mean others won't.

HopeGrows wrote:
OP, regret can serve a purpose: it can prompt you to correct a past mistake.

Is there any way you can get in touch with either of these girls? A little Facebook searching, perhaps? Alumni Association? PeopleFinder? If they were just as into you as you were into them, they might just welcome the contact. And if they were as shy as you were, perhaps one (or both) of them might still be available? So stop marinating in your regret, and see if you can fix the problem, okay?


Hmmm... Facebook... this reminds me, a couple of months ago I was looking at it, wondering if opening an account there would help me in any way, I was looking at the terms and conditions, and searching online for a description of what is possible to do with it, criticisms, and also searching for names of people I know to see if they have an account there... and then I found out this girl I may have already mentioned had opened an account. When we worked at the same company, neither of us wanted such a thing, that's one of the things we turned out to have in common. In the same way I that when I found out where she's working now I was afraid to meet her when I was going nearby and have her think I might be stalking her (though now I've returned to going there, I mean, what the hell, I like going to that part of the city for various reasons and if I meet her, I'd like that, earlier I used to think I would never get a chance to see her again as this is a big city and that made me sad), I didn't open an account out of fear that she and/or some other people might think I was stalking her online... maybe it's time I do the same I did regarding that part of the city and go on and open an account myself anyway, and if we eventually get in touch, well, I'd like that, as I have no other contact info from her. But I still have my doubts about Facebook itself, is it worth it? What do you people think?



harry_j_83
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22 Apr 2010, 3:16 pm

machf wrote:
harry_j_83 wrote:
Hi this all sound very familiar to me actually

Yep I have the same feeling that there were women that were interested in me and I just never took advantage of the situation. The (sort of) good news is that when you get to my age (27) trusts me you won't care anymore about women! ... Okay so I know that's probably not helping but it's worth remembering...

Maybe *you* don't care about women a that age, but that doesn't mean others won't.

HopeGrows wrote:
OP, regret can serve a purpose: it can prompt you to correct a past mistake.

Is there any way you can get in touch with either of these girls? A little Facebook searching, perhaps? Alumni Association? PeopleFinder? If they were just as into you as you were into them, they might just welcome the contact. And if they were as shy as you were, perhaps one (or both) of them might still be available? So stop marinating in your regret, and see if you can fix the problem, okay?


Hmmm... Facebook... this reminds me, a couple of months ago I was looking at it, wondering if opening an account there would help me in any way, I was looking at the terms and conditions, and searching online for a description of what is possible to do with it, criticisms, and also searching for names of people I know to see if they have an account there... and then I found out this girl I may have already mentioned had opened an account. When we worked at the same company, neither of us wanted such a thing, that's one of the things we turned out to have in common. In the same way I that when I found out where she's working now I was afraid to meet her when I was going nearby and have her think I might be stalking her (though now I've returned to going there, I mean, what the hell, I like going to that part of the city for various reasons and if I meet her, I'd like that, earlier I used to think I would never get a chance to see her again as this is a big city and that made me sad), I didn't open an account out of fear that she and/or some other people might think I was stalking her online... maybe it's time I do the same I did regarding that part of the city and go on and open an account myself anyway, and if we eventually get in touch, well, I'd like that, as I have no other contact info from her. But I still have my doubts about Facebook itself, is it worth it? What do you people think?


well i don't know if facebook has made people more socialable in general but i think it's made me not want to speak. i really don't believe the internet has made it easier (although it hasn't made it harder either) to socialize. i'm much better with real physical situations, why? because i don't have to advertise everything about myself on a web page like i was showing a CV to an employer!

i think the point is, the faster one makes the move towards a man a woman the better. if people don't act immediately, they'l start psychoanalysing themsleves which will just exacerbate the symptoms of unconfidence. of course i'm talking from experience here: if only i hadn't wasted those years thinking about love and sex, i think i'd know a lot more about the "worthwhile" things: painting, photgraphy, travels, learning stuff...

also, no-one should believe that common interests are the ultimate key to relationships, often people are very different and this can add colour to a relationship hey! i don't like it either but it's true!: i was sitting on the tube once and there was a bloke nattering on about football to his GF; she pretended to know WTH he was talking about ("hmmm... yes indeed... oh wow... what?... one-nil?... excellent!..."). the point is, there must have been a good enough reason for her to be with that person (if she was prepared to put up with the boring stuff)



machf
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22 Apr 2010, 4:57 pm

OK, this is weird... I started the process of creating a Facebook account, and on the first "getting started" page, right at the bottom of the page showing people I may know, is she... there is some other people from whom in the past I've gotten invitations to join Facebook on my e-mail, but I don't think I ever got any e-mail from her... so how did she end up there?